any advice?

[americaneulogy]

My girlfriend and I were discussing the idea of her transferring to a college near me next semester. Although she has continuously told me that I'm first priority and that she is willing to change her major, I still feel pretty selfish about it. As I see it, she is completely relocating her entire life just to be closer to me, and if we were ever to breakup, I would feel horribly guilty knowing I was the reason she was so far from her hometown. I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE for her to be here with me. I wouldn't want anything more. I am absolutely and completely in love with her, but I just feel like her transferring is such a big step/risk to take. We started talking just four months ago, and today is our second month-iversary, but it seems like we've been together for so much longer. We talk for multiple hours each and every day, but I don't know if this is too large of a step to make so early on in our relationship. I can't express how badly I want her here with me, but I'm also trying to keep her future as an individual in mind and be the more rational one in the discussions on the topic. Anyways, I was wondering if anyone could offer some advice on whether or not this seems like it's a good idea.

[silence94652]

i understand how you feel. i believe that if you two can continue to make it through college apart, it'll be that much sweeter when you can be together afterward. if you can make it through that, you have the potential to make it through anything. good luck to you!

[agentholli]

I don't have any advice, I am the one who isn't rational about things, but wanted to show some support.

[Mio]

Is good to think about those things, but I guess it's her choice to make.

[lunamea]

It's a very difficult decision, which I know from first hand experience because I cancelled my study abroad placement when I met my husband (after having been together for half a year). Then again, your situation is different, because if she makes that choice, she probably won't get a chance to go back again. I did get the opportunity to study abroad again, but I can't say that it didn't hurt the relationship. I guess, in any case, there might be hard feelings, but I think the only thing there is for you to do is leave it up to her completely. I know it might come across like you didn't love her, but it's probably the only way to safeguard you against getting blamed later on (even though, if it really ends badly, she might still blame you, depending on what kind of person she is.) I feel you shouldn't be the only reason for her to go there... if there was another incentive or she had already wanted to change her major before she "met" you, that would be different. Perhaps you could stay LDR for some more and see where things go from there? Do you have plans on meeting up in the summer?

[PChillout]

I'm reminded of a quote by Erica Jong: "If you don't risk anything, you risk even more."

My girlfriend and I have been together now for a little over six months, and couldn't be happier with the way things are going. I'm currently in your girlfriend's situation. I'm going to be relocating closer to my girlfriend's city for my third year of university in June 2011. Quite frankly, if your girlfriend loves you the way I love mine, you have nothing to feel selfish about. She, like me, wouldn't be taking such a huge risk if we didn't think something amazing could happen between us. Life is about taking chances. If there's something that you or your girlfriend wants to do, then there's no reason in the world to feel selfish. Should worse come to worse and the relationship ends, don't regret or feel selfish about any of it. At the time it was exactly what you wanted. Things change, people move on. A life without taking chances isn't a life worth living. I'm relocating to be with my girlfriend because of how much I love her - no other reason. The same thing goes for your girlfriend. Instead of concentrating on feeling selfish, think about all the ways you'll be able to accomodate her and make her feel instantly at home. Plan activities together, and when she gets there take her to all your favourite places so she doesn't feel like she's left anything behind except memories of a time when she couldn't be with the person about whom she loved most.

Peace & Love

[Zephii]

I think it's too soon and will put too much strain on the relationship. by all means, have her perpare to move if you's like, and encourage her to make friends in the local area if possible, make sure she likes the school there (perhaps she could take a tour) and everything else. I think you are right for being so practical.

[Twiggy]

I totally know how you feel. My boyfriend decided to change his plans of studying in a country even further away from me just because I randomly got upset about it one day. I couldn't help but feel really selfish at that point. He then said that he's happy about his decision. He's happy if I'm happy. Same as you, it was only our second month then. I felt so bad because our relationship had just started not long ago. I tried to talk him out of it and asked him to consider the pros and cons, and to consider whether I am worth all these. In the end, he stayed. I still feel bad whenever I think of it but glad at the same time because I know my boyfriend loves me enough to have done that.

[stargazerlily]

Awww... This is very difficult and I understand that you're afraid one of you will resent the other in the end. Just make sure that this is what she wants, this is what both of you want. But basically, it's her decision to make. If she is determined to move, that's great! Help her adjust to her new environment and make sure she feels at home. If she has some reservations, support her and assure her but don't tell her what to do.

[xsomanymilesx]

i agree with my boyfriend (PChillout)
if you both love eachother as much as you say you do, and want to be together in the long run, isnt it worth it?
and if you think about it - one of you is going to have to move eventually so this is like a trial run type thing, to see how she likes where you live ect... and see if she wants to do this in the long run.
my boyfriend is coming here for a year... so hes going to see if he likes the UK or whatever, and then i'll be going to canada for a year with him after that.
its about making big sacrafices for some of us on here - and just because shes making this one right now doesnt mean you wont have to do the same in the future...
again, life is about taking chances, and what better thing to take a chance on than the one you love ?
good luck and i hope it works out!

[Bluestars]

I agree with Zephii that it is probably too soon to make such a big decision like that in a relationship that is only two months. To me, dating for six months to a year would be more of a reasonable time marker--if not more--before you decide to move to be with one another. This is a HUGE life decision, and rushing into things could really hurt your relationship.

[Caitlin2009]

I wouldnt worry so much, she's the one thats wanting to do it because she loves you and wants to be with you. I really think you should let her do this so you can be together