So this isnt really a rant or me complaining, its more of a moment of despair I guess!
Recently I posted another thread about how sometimes my SO says things that make me feel guilty for moving over 5000 miles away from him. Since then, things have really improved and he said he wasnt hurt about it, he just really missed me. But heres the thing that im really struggling to keep out of my thoughts: since I moved away, our communication has been better than when we close distance! We got a bit stuck in a rut, of him coming over, or me going to his late at night, then not really doing much before falling asleep, and then going our seperate ways in the morning. This only happened 1-2 times a week and other than that, we wouldnt really see each other except for occaisionally talking on the phone. I would text him and ask if he wanted to meet for dinner when I finished uni, but often he wouldnt check his phone (he would leave it on silent) so I just left to go home (I couldnt just turn up on his doorstep because of the accomodation he lived in). Eventually I got so fed up of him not replying or picking up his phone, I just stopped texting and calling him because it seemed like a lost cause (Im being serious when I say I REALLY needed to talk to him, and called him maybe 5 times over the day, and even sent him txt mssgs saying it was important... it took him 2 DAYS to call me back). So to cut a long story short, we just stopped communicating with each other.
The thing is, since we've been LD again, we've gone back to having 3-4 hour long skype chats with each other about everything and anything, just like when we started dating 2 and a half years ago! Its great re-discoving things about each other, when you think you've learned everything! Apart from missing him like crazy, I'm totally happy with "us" at the moment
However, Im just so worried about things going back to the way they were when we go back to being CD again next year. Its a niggly thought I just cant get out of my head. We have talked about it and agreed that there was aspects of the relationship we both needed to improve upon, so I guess its just a matter of wait and see!
The other thought thats really been niggling at me, is that, even when I get back to england, we're going to be close distance for about 6 months, before he graduates, then its back to LD again until a day when we're both in the same place at the same time and finacially stable enough to move into together, which, with both of us wanting to do further study is going to be a fair few years (I want to go for a job I already know about at my current univeristy in the north, and he wants to move to london, a place I literally cannot afford to live but would eventually like to). I guess Im just having difficulty seeing the light at the end of the tunnel right now, because even though, we tell each other its not LD forever, at the moment I cannot see a time in the immediate future (next 2-3 years) where we will be close distance for long enough to settle down together and start building a future!!
Sorry, that turned into a long message, I just needed somewhere to vent niggly things!!
Recently I posted another thread about how sometimes my SO says things that make me feel guilty for moving over 5000 miles away from him. Since then, things have really improved and he said he wasnt hurt about it, he just really missed me. But heres the thing that im really struggling to keep out of my thoughts: since I moved away, our communication has been better than when we close distance! We got a bit stuck in a rut, of him coming over, or me going to his late at night, then not really doing much before falling asleep, and then going our seperate ways in the morning. This only happened 1-2 times a week and other than that, we wouldnt really see each other except for occaisionally talking on the phone. I would text him and ask if he wanted to meet for dinner when I finished uni, but often he wouldnt check his phone (he would leave it on silent) so I just left to go home (I couldnt just turn up on his doorstep because of the accomodation he lived in). Eventually I got so fed up of him not replying or picking up his phone, I just stopped texting and calling him because it seemed like a lost cause (Im being serious when I say I REALLY needed to talk to him, and called him maybe 5 times over the day, and even sent him txt mssgs saying it was important... it took him 2 DAYS to call me back). So to cut a long story short, we just stopped communicating with each other.
The thing is, since we've been LD again, we've gone back to having 3-4 hour long skype chats with each other about everything and anything, just like when we started dating 2 and a half years ago! Its great re-discoving things about each other, when you think you've learned everything! Apart from missing him like crazy, I'm totally happy with "us" at the moment
However, Im just so worried about things going back to the way they were when we go back to being CD again next year. Its a niggly thought I just cant get out of my head. We have talked about it and agreed that there was aspects of the relationship we both needed to improve upon, so I guess its just a matter of wait and see! The other thought thats really been niggling at me, is that, even when I get back to england, we're going to be close distance for about 6 months, before he graduates, then its back to LD again until a day when we're both in the same place at the same time and finacially stable enough to move into together, which, with both of us wanting to do further study is going to be a fair few years (I want to go for a job I already know about at my current univeristy in the north, and he wants to move to london, a place I literally cannot afford to live but would eventually like to). I guess Im just having difficulty seeing the light at the end of the tunnel right now, because even though, we tell each other its not LD forever, at the moment I cannot see a time in the immediate future (next 2-3 years) where we will be close distance for long enough to settle down together and start building a future!!
Sorry, that turned into a long message, I just needed somewhere to vent niggly things!!