Maybe im just over reacting

[elizabethjp2010]

I am having surgery next week. Today someone asked me if Michael was coming home for my surgery to take care of me and what not, i said no. im going to go see him this week and he will be in town a week later. The man replied, really? “he doesnt want to come take care of you, why not?”

“I dont think its that he doesnt want to take care of me i think its that he doesnt really have time, he has work and stuff.” i replied

“Well i know that if when i was dating my wife, i wouldnt have been able to be stopped. Its not like youre getting a test run on you, if something doesnt go right you could be in the hospital. He should be there.”

this really resinated with me. i mean should he be there? should i have asked him to?

so tonight i asked him if he was going to try to come down for the night, he said “no. i mean its outpatient so you dont need me you will be fine.”

Should i be worried? should i be bothered? Im really nervous and i know if i saw him that would calm me down…….. I know its a long drive, and its not a easy drive... Maybe im just over reacting…. but maybe (and i do mean maybe.) i am not.

[NineInchNails_x]

I guess it just depends on the situation. If it's thousands of miles between the two of you and he is in work and school then I can understand why he might not come. But if it's just a few hour drive and he has the means to come, then I would think he should be there. Every situation is different, though. When I had my surgery(nothing big, an oral surgery) my boyfriend was there and I was so messed up from the medicine they had gave me to knock me out that he had to carry me to the car. He took care of me for the rest of the day. But I guess it depends on the seriousness of the surgery, what is going on in his life, and the distance between you. Also, if he is living under his parents roof that could also be a determining factor. I'm sure if he could be there, he would. I wouldn't worry too much about it. You're bound to get a phone call/text/email as soon as the surgery is over to make sure you are fine (: I hope everything goes well!

[Hololz]

My veiw on this may be baised as my SO is an actual nurse, he looks after other people on a daily basis as his job and I understand how important his down time is for him, a chance to just think about himself for a few minutes, so sometimes I feel really bad if I want to rant at him, although he doesnt seem to mind that often. Saying this, unless it was something life threatening, I wouldnt want him there caring for me, personally I would feel selfish given the nature of his occupation. However, I know for a fact that, of he was going to have an operation, no matter how small or big, I would do everything I could to be there for him.

If you have family or friends there to help look after you and be there for you, then he may feel like he would be in the way if he were there too. If, god forbid, something does go wrong, then maybe take it from there, make sure someone will be able to contact him for you if you cant. If you dont have anyone else there to care for you, maybe try to explain your concerns and worries to him (surgery is a big thing so Im sure you're bound to worried), as he may not realise how much of a big deal this is to you. Even if he cant come see you, can you try and speak to/skype him, just before you go in? It may help calm you down without him actually being there and he may be able to reassure you.

He's probably not making a big deal out of it because he doesnt want you to feel even more nervous about it than you already do!

I wish you the best with your surgery

[Minerva]

Honestly, if it was outpatient, I wouldn't expect my SO to come, unless it was something serious and I was scared. Even if we were married, I wouldn't expect him to take time off unless I needed help driving or getting around the house. It all depends on the distance and the nature of the surgery.

Good luck. =)

[elizabethjp2010]

thanks yall! I talked to him, and we both decided it was ok, my daddy will be there to take care of me.

I decided that its just my gallbladder, and i will see him a week later, for thanks giving... but seriously thanks yall!!!

[Mara]

I do think it depends upon the nature of the surgery, the distance, and what your expected recovery time would be. I also think it depends on if you have someone else in your life who would be able to take care of you. I think it's one thing if you need some looking after, after the surgery and he had nothing to do and you had no one to care for you and he he didn't come [though he could].

But honestly, it sounds like you know your SO's situation and you are just letting what someone else said get to you.

[snow_girl]

Like someone said, its out patient, if it was something major then it might be different. Just cause he can't be there doesn't mean he won't be thinking of you or cares less. That man might have been able to drop everything and the drop of a hat but you two are long distance, that is probably something he was not. Good luck with your surgery, and I'm sure your SO will take good care of you when you see him.

[lucybelle]

My SO was living with me during my most recent surgery (out patient) and I was so glad he was there. I always feel like crap after anesthesia and I'm so glad he was there to a) carry me to the car/to the house, b) buy me popsicles, and c) scrub the betadyne off of my leg! But he was also not there for the many surgeries I had before. I think as long as you have SOMEONE to take care of you, that's what's important. No surgery is a "minor" surgery.

[rhomy]

I would like my SO to be with me in that moment but that's up to you.
Before that man told you that, were you ok with him not coming?

If you want him to be with you, just tell him.
Good luck!

[Engel]

I think it deepends from couple to couple. and deppends on the situation too, like if you will have someone else there ti take care of you. I know if it was my SO, even with his mother there, I would do my best to be there as well. only wouldnt go if i was in brazil and wasnt able to get in germany for visa issues!

[NaNi]

My SO wouldn't be able to come visit me if I had surgery anytime soon. We're so far apart. It would cost a lot. A ticket would be around $2300. If, however, she would live in the same country/nearby then I actually would like for her to come visit me. Especially if it's a dangerous surgery.