Needs some insight

[oviefan]

Hi, so this will probably be pretty long.. but it's our story
Please, read it and help me make some sence of it.

After a bet with a friend, I joined a dating website. She messaged me first after about 1 week, that was in early september. She is from Romania, but had been living in Sudan for the past few years. She now moved to the UAE for a job. Also, she dosen't have any close family left.

When we started talking, it was just as friends, but we quickly realised that we really had alot in common. 1 week after the first message, we confessed our feelings for the other and we have been *going out* ever since.

At first, the plan was that she would find a job, get some money and move here in Canada with me by the end of summer. She got a job offer from an Hotel in Abu Dhabi. Because she hadn't been working for a while, money was getting tight, no naturaly, I supported her in getting the job and going there.
Before the job, we would litteraly chat 3 to 7 hours almost everyday. Now, we can barely chat for 1 hour every few days, so we rely much more on emails and (hopefuly) phone calls.

I consider us to be really close. She told me everything about her, even her deepest secrets that all her friends have no idea about. I told her alot about me too, it's like we're lovers but best friends too, we just *get* eachother.
I love her alot, and she loves me alot too. She even told me how I'm the most important person for her, the highlight of her life, etc.

The job she got in Abu Dhabi has a contract.. she has to stay there for 2 years. So, instead of saving my money to have my own place when she comes, I'm saving my money to go visit her, hopefuly a few times.
I think I can, realistically, go spend 7 to 10 full days with her there this summer.
Honestly, we know so much about eachother and all.. I really think she might be the one. She told me that if I were to propose now, she would say yes in a heartbeat and she presented me at her new workplace and to her new friends as her fiancee. My plan was to propose there in person, I want to do it in person so it's romantic and she can fall in my arms.. but also because I think it's important to see if we have the same complicity in person.

Ok now, I'll talk about my issues lately.. well maybe not issues, but stuff making me less happy..

Since we can't chat much, we decided to rely alot on emails. She keeps telling me that she misses me like crazy, and I do miss her too. The problem is that for the past 2 days, she logs in on facebook but dosen't email me. She went to the beach on her day off with one of her friend there. They took pictures, a video.. she even took pictures of our name wriitten in the sand and stuff. She posted some of these pictures on facebook and now, she has something like 5-6 single guys commenting and liking every single one of them. So, for the past 2 days, I can see when I wake that she hasn't sent me any email, but that she did comment on her pictures. Her internet is unreliable, so it would make sence that she tried sending me an email with an attached video (that she's supposed to send me) but that it crashed. Just.. in my book, when you have time to answer to creepy single guys, you have time to email (even a few lines) to your future husband.

And also, I want to call her. I tried to but I can't seem to find a working phone card. I know vox global is good, but it's also over $0.5 a minute.. She called me but now she has no more credits. I know calling her would make her very very happy, but it's not working.

So, my 2 questions are...
How can I talk to her about not emailing me without accusing her of anything? I'm not mad at her.. just sad that I took the time to write a nice email to cheer her up when she would wake up when she can't take 5 minutes to answer me (maybe.. but maybe her internet crashed too).
And, do any of you know a reliable and not too expensive card I can buy to call her? Or maybe a card where I could send her the number and pin and she would call me, since I know it works when she calls.

Anyways, thank you for reading and any help to help me make sence of all this will be greatly appreciated

Also, sorry for my english.. not my first language.. but hey! I'm trying

[liv4cause]

Hey,
I thought you might like to know we started off the same way almost. He lives in Cairo, I'm from Switzerland, now living in Australia. Distances are massive...
What immediately struck me with your message was how quickly you've both made huge promises. And although i don't want to judge you, I speak from experience when i say, take your time. The way my SO and I did it may not be the way for you, but for us it worked so well I would not ever want it to have been different.
I am so happy for you and that you guys talk so much as well This is a good sign to me. That you're being honest, open and talking straight about your future plans etc. All cards on the table. This will help you so much.
Ok let me tell you how we did it, so you might see what I mean. When we first started talking, we never thought we would meet. So we didn't make any promises and we made sure to support each other in studies and work so we could be self-sufficient. Then, when we finally met for the first time after 5 months of talking daily, it was like we'd known each other for years already. But we made sure we knew what our goal was for this first visit: To see whether in person we like each other as much as we did online. And I see you've got similar plans. So far so good. We decided after that that the distance, the difficulties and differences were all worth it and that we would be an ld couple. But we didn't get engaged, we didn't try to set the future in stone yet. I think the Arabic phrase "insha'allah" or God willing says it perfectly. Nothing is certain, but we can all do our best and try everything in our power to make things work.
So about proposing and getting married etc... best make your plans when you've met in person. Then again, I can't say what is right for you. Trust your gut, is all I can say.
What you're talking about with her photos online and not contacting you.. Don't get too flustered. There are many reasons. Try to be happy for her that she is busy and bustling around. But I can see why you would get impatient. If you want to let her know that you're impatient, then do it without any accusations. So, write her a text or an email saying something like, I loved the pics you posted, you look busy and you seem to be enjoying yourself! I'm so happy for you! I can't wait to be having such great times with you too! Tell her she's beautiful and that it made you miss her even more, and that you're really looking forward to hearing from her. And that you'd love to hear about her time at the beach. This way, she won't feel pressured or guilty that she didn't write to you. Feeling guilty puts her in the defensive position which may lead to a fight. Probably nothing serious, but still, a situation which can be avoided. The issue about her admirers, tell her that even though it made you a bit jealous, it made you feel lucky to be so sure of her love because you're obviously not the only one who sees that she is beautiful. But only you know that she is beautiful inside and out. And it's lovely to hear that your man isn't taking you for granted, so go ahead tell her that you won't stop trying for her Something along those lines. I swear, you will feel better and so will she. She will know that she's pushing the line, but without feeling guilty and rather feeling appreciated. And by the way, of course you're jealous. Who wouldn't be. But it sounds like this doesn't often happen, so see it as a phase. I know my SO and I go through phases where we are more or less communicative. But we always try, and no one has hurt feelings when you inform your partner about them is such a delicate way. Win-win.

And for calling: we use skype. It's still expensive, but for now and then... oh it does wonders. So just get a bit of credit and you can call her mobile or land line for a few minutes without paying ridiculous amounts. And yes, that unexpected phone call is such a wonderful surprise!!

I hope I've helped a little bit, and I'm sorry it's so long and wordy S: Good luck you two!! All the best and update us on how you're doing!

[lucybelle]

Communication is the most important part of a relationship, even more so in an LDR. Tell her how much you miss her emails and how you really love getting them. You know she's busy, but can she find time to please write you more.

How long have you two been together? I also think it would be important to spend an extended trip together before planning a wedding. There's lots of things to think about. Who would move to who? Where would the wedding be? How often would the moved person visit home? Just think about it first, and have a back up plan. Living with someone is never easy.

[oviefan]

Wow.. thank you for the answer, seriously, you nailed it

For the promises, I think the whole marriage thing just has a huge sentimental value for her. I wont get too much into details, but her last long term boyfriend ended up not being faithful..as well as not appreciating her. So I think she wants us to be *engaged* because she would feel protected. She would feel that we're both really committed to this, that it's not just a mind game or something.
She brought it up first, but I told her that I wanted to do it in person and that I wanted her to meet my parents too before. But since she probably wont be able to move for the next year and a half, I thought that asking her (if everything goes well, that is) on one of my last night there during my trip. So if we see that it's not working I can just skip that part, nothing is final just yet.

Skype is a great idea too, I think that's what I will do once my paypal clears. I want her to give me her new adresse too, I figured sending something from me would be nice. Oh.. and I hope she wont read this somehow :P but I was also thinking of ordering her some flowers, with just a simple note saying how *there's no need for an occasion to show my love* or something like that.
And the part about her admirers is good too. That was my main issue, I dont want to make her defensive or that she feels I'm accusing her somehow.
Thank you, and I'll update as it goes along

[liv4cause]

lovely right on track. And yeah... letters or a small package as a surprise in the mail.. :O wow )))) anytime!
And yeah, the thing about communication.. As comfortable and open and easy going as you get, I still think that you should watch carefully how you phrase things. Making sure you get your actual message across and not just an emotional outburst (unless it's positive ) is vital! Being polite and using the trying to leave accusations and guilt out of the tone changes everything. It emphasises respect, patience and tolerance for each other )))