Insecurity

[Michia]

I can't seem to quell my own insecurities in my LDR.

My SO has given me no indication that he is unhappy, quite the opposite actually. We are best friends, and we've both said that we believe that we are in fact soul-mates. He's kind, affectionate when we see each-other (usually every six to eight weeks), and talks of marriage often. So, I know the problem stems from within,

How do I deal with these overwhelming feelings of terror that he's going surprise me with a "let's just be friends" conversation? I've talked to him about these feelings before, and he always comforts and reassures me. I just don't want him to be annoyed by my self-confidence problems and feelings of inadequacy.

He will be here for Thanksgiving (in 8 days -wheeee!!!!). I'm trying to hold this in until then when I can see him - I know all will be well when I pull up to the curb at the airport and see his face, but how do I deal with my feelings in the mean-time?

[Jgui]

I know excatly how you're feeling. From time to time I'll feel that t SO and i won't work out and he'll just want to be friends. And we've talked about this many times but I'm starting to feel it putting stress On him.

Try to keep yourself busy so your mind go start to wander off. Look at pictures of you guys and be reminded of the happy times. But I think most important (and hardest) is to just let things go with the flow. I try not to think about our future together as much anymore. Enjoy the times you guys have together

[kiara_silver]

I've had these feelings from time to time. It's more of "Am i enough?" And I freak myself out, I think he's so talented, and accomplished and deserves so much more. Or Im not good enough, these are my weak moments. I think most people have them at one time or another. But it's about knowing he chose you, and you are worth it. That he wants to be with you. I do think its nice to be reassured and sometimes i even need that, even when i know how he feels, just to hear it again helps with the distance. But you have to have confidence in yourself. Thats the biggest thing i think. Knowing that your worth this relationship and that your worth fighting for and being together. Take things one day at a time.

And so happy for you that you get to see him so soon! Have a wonderful visit!

[Sierra]

I get really insecure and it's hard for me to deal with. For the most part, to be honest, I try to just keep my mouth shut about it. At the moment I'm feeling very insecure in my relationship. I've felt this way before, but this time I feel it's important I let it go because I know my feelings will change.

However, in the past, I have asked myself 'what do I need for me to not feel this way' and I've approached it that way with my boyfriend. For example I've said "I've been feeling really insecure, if you could spend a little more time talking to me this week, it would really make me feel better". Or if it's not long term insecurity you need to figure out what you need for the long term to feel better and have faith in your relationship.

It's funny, I'm just not realizing that insecurity can tear a relationship apart, and I know that being in an LDR alone makes me feel more insecure than I would if we were together in person.

Have a great visit spending the holiday together

[jiynx]

I'm sure we all have our version of this, if not feeling exactly like this. When this happens to me, I feel like there are so many easier relationship he could pursue with girls closer to him.

To cure, just remember that a relationship (especially a long distance one) is about trust. Do you trust your SO? Of course you do! Or else you wouldn't have gotten into an LDR in the first place. There is obviously something really special between you two or else you wouldn't be dealing with the constant hurdle of being so far apart. I think we can all agree that being long distance is a lot more strenuous than close distance, so if there was someone else, your SO wouldn't be with you. Make sense?

Keep your chin high, Michia! There's always a reason

[Bethypoo]

I think that is natural. It is natural for us to fear the people we love leaving us. I also think that it is GREAT that you are able to acknowledge that there is an issue and that it is more with yourself than the relationship. A lot of people cant do that.

I just think that it is something that you need to talk to him about. Let him know your concerns but that you know that they are issues you just have with yourself. Just remind yourself that there is no reason for you to worry or for you to think that he will be leaving anytime soon. I think you two will have a great time together over Thanksgiving.

[Michia]

But you have to have confidence in yourself. Thats the biggest thing i think. Knowing that your worth this relationship and that your worth fighting for and being together.

This! I know in my head that I deserve to be happy, and I'm worthy of his love - but, sometimes it just doesn't resonate.

I did talk with my SO today about how I was feeling. As usual, he was very supportive, reassuring, and all that sweet corny nonsense. He told me that anytime I'm feeling insecure, just remember that he loves me and I have no reason to be insecure about the relationship. So....for now I'm feeling better. But it's a short-term fix to some deeper issues I have with my self-esteem. To fix those, well...I have a bit of work to do. He loves me the way I am though - that's what matters!

---------- Post added at 09:24 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:23 PM ----------

And thank you all for your input. It made me feel better through the day until I was able to talk with my SO. I'm already looking forward to these forums. So glad I found it last week. You're all super awesome!

[Minerva]

I feel this way sometimes too. Well, probably more than "sometimes" if I'm honest...

Do you know what's at the root of this insecurity? It's obviously not your SO as he's supportive and attentive. If you can figure what triggered these feelings in the first place, you can start to work through them. I do think it's good that you recognize this in yourself, and that your SO is is understanding.

For myself, what helps is Skyping. Seeing his face calms me and hearing his voice drowns out my inner monolog about not being good enough.