Coming To See Me for "Closure"

[rhomy]

Throughout this ordeal, she's been very selfish. She broke up with you. She gave you the "maybe someday but not right now" speech. She flirted with other people and then got angry when you tried to move on. Now she wants closure even though she was the one who initiated the break up. She wants what she wants when she wants it and your needs matter very little to her. She doesn't seem to think about the impact her need for closure would have on you, that the consequences could be very painful for you.

I think if the two of you ever want a future together (which I know she's said is possible), you need to have a clean break and she needs to let you go. Reopening the wound and steamrolling over your needs just prolongs your pain, and she should really have more respect for you than that. And she needs to learn that loving someone means considering their needs as well as your own. Selfish love is pointless. It's hurtful to a giving partner. It's childish. And until she learns that, I fear she will keep hurting you.

If I were you, I wouldn't let her back in my life until she grows up and learns how to love like an adult. As it is, she's not even being a very good friend to you.

*hugs*

Totally agree.
I think she is totally selfish. And seeing her again, will re open your wounds. You'll go back to the beginning. Do you want to suffer all that again? You've made it through the first couple of months which are the hardest, don't go back there!

[BlueCat]

If through some unfortunate set of circumstances my SO and I ended up breaking up while apart, I think that I would want to see him again. You can discuss it all you like online, but it's hard to be really open and honest with someone if you're not face to face, and I honestly think I would need to see it in person, and accept it in the 'real' world before I could accept it when we're apart. If that makes sense...

[elizabethjp2010]

seeing ex's only muddies the water... it will only make it harder to get over her. do whats right for you... you dont want to get back together for her connivence you want to get back together because you love each other. if its meant to be it will happen

[screammaayday]

Sorry I have been absent for the last two days. All of your responses have helped a lot. I've decided that even if I'm given the chance, I won't see her. It won't do me any good, but rather put me through hell that I don't think I could handle. My heart just wants to see her because I want her back, but I think before she ever comes back, she has a lot of changes to make on her own. I agree with what one of you said: if it's meant to happen, it will. However, I've decided not to sit around and put my life on hold until she comes back, because to be honest, she might never come back and I will have wasted my whole life, and the best years of it at that, waiting for her. I know that I will always love her and unfortunately, at the moment, it seems best that she's on her own, learning whatever it is in life that she needs to learn. You all are amazing people for your willingness to help others and I think this is the best forum I've ever been apart of.

[Kerry]

Hurr, well, here's my stance on this. Because you have some reason to tell him off, I'm going to assume he's the sort who will either get nothing out of it or actually derive a smug satisfaction from it. I feel, honestly, that telling someone off, in the end, only fuels them further/gives them more power than they had originally. It doesn't work out like it does in Hollywood though do I wish it did; can't say there aren't a few people I would like to tell off myself. :P

Have you ever considered doing a sort of symbolic ritual to help you?

yeah I can see my ex just kinda standing there and not being sorry at all. I know that he'd never own up to anything. I've accepted all that. a symbolic ritual? like what?