Lost.

[Twiggy]

I met my boyfriend about 7 months back in a forum. To date, I've only seen a full-length picture of him, but I couldn't see his face clearly. We haven't talked on phone either. We've only talked through MSN and e-mails and occasionally on Twitter.
He says his dad took away his SIM card (because he used to call his ex a lot and the phone bill went up so high. we haven't met back then) so he can't call me or whatever. And when I asked him to upload a clearer picture of him, he says his laptop is too laggy and that he'll upload it if he goes to his dad's office. He said that about a month ago. But up until now he still hasn't gone to the office. The reason why his dad is so strict is because my boyfriend has had a rather bad past, being an alcoholic who has gone through rehab and all.

He told me he doesn't have a Facebook account, so I can't find pictures of him there. Nor do I know any of his friends. We have a couple of mutual online friends though, since we met through a forum. He's from Singapore and I've tried to meet him twice. Once in November and once earlier this month. But in November, he told me that his dad is making him work and won't let him off. Earlier this month, he said he's having his semester exam, so he can't meet me.

I'm so confused. I'm half convinced that this guy here is keeping something from me. However, this thought comes into my mind. He was supposed to go to the Philippines this year to further his studies, just as planned. Because I got upset due to the fact that we're going to be even further apart, he chose to stay in Singapore for me. That meant a lot to me.

I don't know what to feel. I love this guy a lot. But yet a part of me finds it hard to trust him. I know trust is essential in a long distance relationship. With all these reasons he gave me, should I take his words for it? Advice, anyone?

[stargazerlily]

I don't want to sound negative but... 7 months but no phone calls, you're not exactly sure how he looks like and he said he can't meet you when you tried to meet up with him? Sounds kind of fishy. Have you suggested that you guys have a videochat? I think it will help alot to remove your doubts (hopefully not confirm them) if you could talk to him face to face. You'll get to see his face and when you ask him about stuffs, you can gauge whether he's being truthful or not. Good luck!

[xsomanymilesx]

hmmm. this does sound fishy. :/ i agree with lily. you really need to find out more about him somehow, force him almost - say you cant trust him and you need this as reassurance, otherwise you dont know if you can continue. good luck and i hope he is who you think he is!

[PChillout]

" To date, I've only seen a full-length picture of him, but I couldn't see his face clearly."

Seven months and merely a blurry photo of this person? Something seems fishy...

"We haven't talked on phone either."

MSN has the option of doing not only voice calls, but video calls as well. Ask him if he's interested in trying that.

"And when I asked him to upload a clearer picture of him, he says his laptop is too laggy and that he'll upload it if he goes to his dad's office."

Twiggy, listen to me carefully. RUN. And don't look back. From what you've told us there are three options. 1) He's telling you the complete truth about everything. 2) This is someone playing a horrible, horrible prank on you. 3) This person is someone who is most likely not looking for a relationship, but is after you; and doesn't want you knowing who he is. For your own safety I would stop communicating with him until youget a chance to speak to him, and have him go on a video call so you can make sure he's not a person who's going to want to do you harm. Excuse after excuse after excuse. Something is definitely wrong. It's up to you whether you want to pursue it, or simply leave. In my opnion, you're much better off just ending any communication you currently do have with this person. Be safe online.

Peace & Love

[xsomanymilesx]

also....

He told me he doesn't have a Facebook account, so I can't find pictures of him there. Nor do I know any of his friends. We have a couple of mutual online friends though, since we met through a forum. He's from Singapore and I've tried to meet him twice. Once in November and once earlier this month. But in November, he told me that his dad is making him work and won't let him off. Earlier this month, he said he's having his semester exam, so he can't meet me.

you say you met on a forum, this is a forum, if i met someone on here and we had mutual friends on LFAD doesnt mean hes real - he could be faking it to them too. im presuming you mean online friends ?
if you dont mind my asking how old are you? do your parents know/friends? because id strongly advise taking them with you to meet him if not already... if and when he decides to meet.
its also worrying that you have to ask all of our adivce about something that is so trivial in an LDR - knowing that your boyfriend is who they say they are. i know everything about my SO and i know hes real, i know if i had the money i could go to his house tmorrow and everything would be as he says they are - because ive seen it for myself.
sorry to go on but this post has kindof creeped me out - because you NEED to keep safe
so seriously good luck, id tell someone closer to you also, like a family member about this and see what they think !

[Moon]

No matter what this guy tells you, or how sweet and perfect he sounds, this is way too suspicious. I'm sorry to say it, but this guy isn't what he seems. If he can't speak to you and produce a picture immediately, get out now, I think he's NOT what he seems. Good luck and please don't ignore the advice everyone just gave you.

[Veiled_Dreamer]

I hate to say it, but this does seem really suspicious. No phone? He could record something on his computer for you to hear, I'm sure he could find away. No pictures? That one strikes me as hard to believe... why would he upload just one picture on his PC in the first place? How easy would it be to just find a picture of a random person in the Internet and use it? I know this is a horrible fear to have in an LDR that started online, not being 100% sure they are who they say they are. But you have GOT to find out somehow: get him to voice call you or send more pictures or something, anything. This sounds suspicious, and if worse comes to worse, tell yourself that he isn't who he says he is, and you're in love with an imaginary person that this stranger created to hurt you. My lover and I met online, so I'm not against the online-ness. I just feel like you're going to get hurt if this continues much longer without clarification on his part. =/

[garnet]

I have to agree with everyone else. There are too many little things for this to just be coincidence. :/ I hope we're wrong, but I would be careful, and suspicious in your shoes.

[Caitlin2009]

O_o ummm yeaaah i wanna say red flags instantly go up when i read this. He is not who he says he is, if he was he would show a picture of himself or at least talk to you on the phone! Yeah too weird and too fishy and thats not a good sign

[Zephii]

I'm going to go right out on a limb and disagree. :P
I know that in the beginning it was a lot longer than 7 months before I gave a decent picture of myself to Obi, and the ones I recieved from him were always suspiciously at a distance. My reason was that I'm shy, and believed the net was very dangerous (I wasn't always net savvy lol) and his was that he was in his gangly stage... He didn't really want me to know what he looked like incase it scared me away. (And I'm glad because hell, it might have, and now he's all grown up he's drop dead sexy!).
It also took us a long time to phone (this was in the days before msn had voice chat and skype was invented :P ) because 1) I was hiding the depth of our relationship from my then-boyfriend and 2) Phones intimidate me. I wasn't trying to be dishonest, it was just a personal phobia that took a long time to overcome.

With that said, Obi and I were not actually committed to each other and we were both really young (17), but we were still heartbreakingly close. Sometimes taking things slow isn't a bad thing.

It is wise to be wary, and I think you need to have a serious talk with him and at least find out why he's avoiding closer contact. He is obviously keeping something from you, but how bad that is is unkown until you can get some answers out of him. Have him buy a headset so you can call for free over msn or skype - and if he says it's too laggy don't believe him, because I've used these things on a 56k dial-up connection and know it can be done lol

[totalspiffage]

lol I can send my boyfriend out to look for him! lol My bf is from Singapore as well. It must be a thing. I didn't see my SO's picture for a good... 5 or 6 months? After I begged and begged. XD So I'll send him out with a camera.

Ok, while that's not probably possible...

I say just make jokes about it. I'm very passive-aggressive that way. it's the only way I got to see my SO first! XD Dont' make a big issue of it, but keep it in conversation so that he'll remember.

[Twiggy]

Wow. Thanks for all the advice everyone. I really appreciate it. Call me stubborn or blind, I think I can't find the strength to leave him. I don't think he can do anything life-threatening to me anyway. He doesn't have my address nor my phone number. Just my e-mail address so yeah. I'll be more careful and once again, thanks for the advice.
We've talked about it and he said he'll work on it. Guess all I have to do now is just wait.
He's sent me a card to me, before I moved. So I have his address there. In case anything goes wrong I could just pay him a visit or something. :P

[xsomanymilesx]

i dont think you are stubborn or blind; more in a haze of infatuation/love.
i was thinking before; what you said just then :

''I think I can't find the strength to leave him. I don't think he can do anything life-threatening to me anyway.''

it just seems like a really disturbing thing to say, if you think about it? i'm not going to go into it now because i really need some sleep but i really hope someone else reads what ive pasted and understands where im coming from and can explain it to you!
good luck and stay SAFE

[Alisz]

I'm just echoing what others have said. ^^;; He's giving you excuses and it does sound suspicious. It's possible he's just insecure about his appearance or even scared that when you meet you might not like him. But, I'd advise you to tread lightly and try to not let your heart blind you too much. Just don't put yourself into bad situations.

[Mio]

I hope you can see how he looks like soon, that's very strange!