I feel as though she shuts me out

[Laura_N]

As some of you might know from my previous thread, I had some issues communicating with my SO. We have worked on those and in general I can say we are doing much better, and she engages more time for me nowadays. We have also tried to talk things through if there's something that bothers either me or her.

But there's something that she still does. I don't feel too included in her life. For example her siblings, I know nothing about them, and we have soon been a year together. Today I asked her to tell me about her siblings, and she said they are not interesting and there's nothing to tell. She's told me these things before some months ago. I wouldn't have raised the subject again, but she said she was meeting her family and that she is only close to her brother(s). Then I asked a more specific question, and she went all "Omg... C'mon, huh?" I don't think I have been pressuring her, and I just think it's pretty normal to be interested in your partner's family.

She can also say she's doing "something", but then won't tell me what that something is. Today, again, she said she must prepare for something and when I asked her what that something was, she ignored my question. Same with her work. She's told me she won't bother to talk much about her job (which she loves) because I don't understand it.

At the moment I just feel as though she gets so distant sometimes and won't really let me in. In general she is a private person, but it botheres me when there are certain topics she avoids and ignores. Has anyone else been in this situation?

[dukes2011]

My SO has shut me out before and it did bother me a lot. I kept repeating that I only ask questions because I care and that I want to be closer to him. Have you explained to your SO how it makes you feel? Also it might help to tell her you know she doesn't like opening up to many people, however I agree that you should be one of those people she opens up to. It may be important to tell her you won't ever judge and that you're always there for support. It's a less threatening way to get someone to open up. When I explained my reasoning and used more open-ended statements, I don't think my boyfriend felt as pressured because I wasn't asking questions. I'm not sure if that's the type of answer you're looking for, but I hope I helped! Good luck and remember the LFAD community is always here for you :-)

[Jgui]

Sometimes it takes a person longer to open up to another. I understand why youre bothered by it because you've been together for 1 year already. Do you think there may be a reason why she cant open up to you? Sometimes a person's past will have an affect on how they handle relationships now.

Me personally have trouble opening up to my SO because of my past relationship. I feel i dont want to get too close due to failed relationship with ex.

Try talking to her and just letting her know how you feel. Instead of pressuring her to open up give her time and space. And hopefully she'll get more comfortable with you and open up

[Bethypoo]

Some people just dont open up much about their families. It really is a big deal. They are part of why we are the way we are so it is a very vonerable place to be. With this being said, just let her know that you are not trying to pressure her and it is not fair that she continuously. I get it in the beginning, but after a year, i agree with you and something needs to be said.

As for the saying "something", i also think it is annoying when people do this. Again, just let her know that is irritating and that you dont feel like she wants you involved. Let her know that you KNOW that it is not her intention to make you feel that way, but that fact is that you do. Remind her how important communication is in a relationship and that it is better that you two talk about it now before it drives you mad and it causes more issues.

[MadMolly]

I've seen a few of your posts here and I wonder if she has some strange issues going on. She doesn't seem to see you as an equal partner in this relationship - I struggle to see how you can maintain this sort of relationship after a *year* if you are being shut out all the time. By the time a year is up, I'd expect to have some kind of relationship with my partner's family members - like, seriously. This is a serious relationship. She's treating you like a friend and that's all.

Have you confronted her about this directly?

[Zapookie]

I've never had this happen to me before. I generally think it's quite natural to share your life with your partner. Have you been able to ask her why she won't open up to you? You really should talk to her and tell her how you're feeling like you tell us. That you feel shut out and excluded from her life, and you're her SO, and you want to be a part of everything she does.

I'm sorry I don't really have any other advice but hopefully if you ask her she might give you some valid reasons. It's okay to be a private person, but not with your SO. They're supposed to be an important part of ones life, and I think they should be included as much as possible, especially since it's an LDR and we can't be there in their environments physically.

[Laura_N]

Thank you for your answers, I appreciate them all.

I think a part of her privateness may be because of her ex, who also created her trust issues. I don't know if telling me about family is about trust, but I just feel as though she should be able to talk to me about that sort of things. I'm the total opposite of her, blabbering and talking about my own things without trouble, so sometimes it's hard to understand her. I'm trying my best not to push her or pressure, but it's starting to get quite frustrating when I know nothing about for example her family.

I haven't told her about this, because I'm scared it would cause her more stress, and I'm not really up to fighting right now either. But thanks for everyone.