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**raiblade3** · November 21, 2011, 01:38 AM

Don't worry. It's gonna be ok *Hugs. My thoughts are a bit cloudy at the moment so i can't give any clear advice... But i hope the kind words helped?

**heylittlekrissy** · November 21, 2011, 01:40 AM

Any kind words at this point in time are appreciated, thank you *hugs*

**raiblade3** · November 21, 2011, 01:52 AM

You're very welcome. Keep ur head up.

**heylittlekrissy** · November 21, 2011, 01:58 AM

Trying my best, but considering the rest of my life is one big mess anyways, it makes it real hard for me not to let things like this really get to me.

**raiblade3** · November 21, 2011, 02:03 AM

I know what you mean :/ Life hasn't been much of a walk-in-the-park for me either :/ But if u ever need anyone to talk to I'm here.

**heylittlekrissy** · November 21, 2011, 02:08 AM

Thank you, I really appreciate that.

**raiblade3** · November 21, 2011, 02:11 AM

You're very welcome!

~Take me up on the offer sometime. I'd like to hear what u have to say.

**ChibiFelicia** · November 21, 2011, 02:30 AM

*hugs* i really dont have any advice. Im glad your bf is being totally honest with you but sometimes i find i rather not know. Not in that i like lying to myself just i feel he shouldve maybe thought about it before telling you.

Chin up krissy! Im here for you if you need me : )

**heylittlekrissy** · November 21, 2011, 02:33 AM

It's funny how we all want honesty until something like this happens, yknow? But I've told him from day one, I'll be completely honest with him, and I expect him to be completely honest with me, and at least I can see he is being totally honest with me. It hurt to hear all this tonight, but I needed to know how he was feeling, obviously, especially since it involved him having feelings for another girl.

But thank you for your support, Chibi *hugs*

**annb8888** · November 21, 2011, 02:40 AM

sweetie, I know the feeling. I used to have (or still have) those fears about past love interests of my LDR bf. So far, none (crosses fingers) have been to that extent like yours but I know how it is to be scared about past love interests -- I'm 8,000 miles far from my bf & I can't help getting scared about his past crushes who are there with him in the same state. What I can say is, no one can change your bf's mind but himself - yes he's obviously tormented about going with you or his past crush but if he really loves you, he would stay with you. Temptations like these are always present in relationships. Remember that girls/women prefers men who are married or in a relationship! That's what makes men attractive - the commitment factor.

You just have to trust him and be brave. You should just continue to show him why he chose YOU, let him know you're still the best option there is. That is, don't go cold, don't dig deeper into the situation - i.e. don't question him anymore, don't ask anything about the girl (this would disturb you more) and most especially, don't tell him what to do/or hint or suggest. Let him sort it out himself. I think he's honest enough to admit it to you, although it's brutally honest - and I know it hurts. But you know the song from Ally McBeal? "Don't break my heart slow??"

It said: I'd rather you be mean, than love and lie. I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye. I'd rather take a blow, at least then I would know, but baby don't break my heart slow.

But i wish you the best, just hang in there, sweetie.

**rubydissolution** · November 21, 2011, 03:24 AM

I'm sorry that happened. It stings. Honestly, we are all on here bc were are in LDRs. I think CD crushes and girl friends are just part of the territory. What matters here is that he chose to be with you, and he was honest about how he felt for her. He was also honest with her, saying that he was in a relationship and that's why things couldn't happen between them. I think that's something you have to focus on. He seems like a genuinely honest guy. Feelings of crushes, infatuations, and attraction don't really amount to much as far as feelings go. Since you've been dating a while you love each other and that is an important connection and feeling. As long as shes not a constant in his life shes going to be forgotten. If he continues to hang out with her that's going to be harder.

Jealousy is a huge issue here, even so in these sort of relationships. I have a very hard time with it and so does my SO. But I know that he's honest with me and if something happened or his feelings changed he would tell me. Same goes for me. So I know you are hurting, but you still have a completely honest and sincere SO, who wants to be with you. Just be yourself, and that's what keeps him coming back to you, not her.

**NaNi** · November 21, 2011, 05:28 AM

Ouch.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

**heylittlekrissy** · November 21, 2011, 07:34 AM

Thank you for you responses.

I woke up this morning and it still stings, the whole situation.
I'm glad to know he is so honest with me, and I've always told him, if his feelings change or anything, he needs to be honest with me, and I'll do the same for him. Trust is so hard to come by in my life, and if I can't trust someone I care so much about, especially one who's so far away, then what good is a relationship with them? So I guess I know at least I can trust him.

He told me a lot of things last night I hadn't realized before. He told me about how bad the distance bothers him; how much he misses having someone to hold and physically be with, and he wishes more than anything I could be there. He said there's many times he doesn't know where to turn because all he wants is a hug from me, and I'm not there. He told me how much he'd love to have me there to go out with, go dancing, and just do couple things. I guess a lot of his friends make fun of him for having a girlfriend so far away (I hadn't realized so many of them knew, to be honest), and it plays into his insecurities, so that doesn't help either.

And a lot of this keeps coming down to trust. He's been cheated on in all of his past relationships, and therefore it's very hard for him to trust me that I'm not doing the same. We've built up some trust over the years of getting to know each other, but it's been a very slow and tedious process. And during this whole time, he keeps going back to the "What if she's cheating on me? I would never know, because she's so far away", even though I've never given him any reason not to trust me, his mind keeps wandering and creating these scenarios that I can't help. I try to let my actions speak for themselves, a long with my words, and so far, it's been almost enough to squash those fears, but only almost. He's afraid that I'm going to hurt him, and that he's so far away, he'd never even know it if I did do anything. I try to eliminate anything that would cause him not to trust me; I don't go out dancing at clubs or drinking, I don't hang around guys I know have feelings for me. Honestly, besides work and school, I don't go out much at all, a) because I don't have much free times, and b) because I'd rather be home spending time online with him.

That brought up another issue. He told me he knows I give up a lot of my free time waiting around online to spend time with him, and he feels like I'm wasting my life away waiting, and I should be doing more to enjoy it more. What he doesn't understand is that I'm enjoying it as it is, spending time with him where I can. I still go out occasionally when I have the time or money, I still spend time with friends, but we both know I've become more of a homebody over the last year or so, and while yes, it's partially because I've invested more time in our relationship, it's also because I'm honestly perfectly happy spending time at home, too, than going out and spending time with all the people I used to hang with who are nothing but drama and weren't great friends to begin with. Once I left high school, I grew up, and left a lot of these people behind who I didn't need in my life, and that's perfectly fine with me. But he feels like he's holding me back from doing more in my life, and honestly, that's not true at all, I just don't know how to make him see that.

He kept telling me, if only he could see me in person, one time, that's all he needs. He realizes this is all real, and he's afraid to give me up for someone closer, because he realizes what a good thing he's found, and doesn't want to lose that (his words, not mine). But he also said that he used to really like this girl, and he still has feelings for her. He talked about things he liked about her and what a good person she is, and how he wishes he'd had a chance with her. Hearing him talk about her is really what hurt the most though, although I encouraged it, because I need to know where his head is at, it's only fair to me. I would personally rather know everything than nothing at all.

I know he's wavering, and I don't know if he's going to choose me in the end; that really hurts.
Especially after he got so upset and stopped talking to me last night, because I was still upset over the whole thing. He was beside himself when he realized how bad I was hurting after he told me, and I didn't have to even say anything for him to know. Of course I was upset though, I couldn't help it. We stayed together on xbox voice chatting for two or three hours after he told me, barely saying a word, which was comforting, because he normally runs at the first sign of an argument.
He did tell me he loves me though, and doesn't want to hurt me.

**Mara** · November 21, 2011, 08:37 AM

I've been keeping watch on your thread, but I haven't commented really because I don't feel I have much I could say advice wise or comfort wise. I am deeply and truly sorry though.

If it is any comfort, I've had quite a few crushes on other people in my current relationship and while I was in other relationships, but even though I liked those people I never acted on anything because I love[d] the person I was with.

I know it hurts you that he is wavering, but I hope that in the end he realizes what he has with you is more valuable than what he could potentially have with someone else. When he does come to that realization, I'd talk with him with maybe limiting his contact with this girl. Not because anything would come of it, but it's much easier to get over a crush when the person is out of sight, out of mind so to speak.

*hugs*

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