mental illness in LDR

[littleoldme]

im not really sure if the right place on the forum or even the right forum to be asking on
but both me and my SO suffer with mental illness...a lot of the things she is going though right now are similar to things i went though not all that long ago and its really hard for me to see her that way all i want to do is be there for her and make it better but i cant and that just breaks my heart the distance makes it even harder i cant even hug her when shes down and i just dont know how to help her from so far away
im not sure what the point of this post was but if anyone has any advice id gladly take it

[CynicalQuixotic]

Can you be a little more specific? "Mental illness" is quite a broad umbrella term.

[littleoldme]

depression, self harm, suicidal idolization...

[megfashion]

if you are asking if they work, then yes. dont want to be too specific, but ive been rather depressed and down whilst going out with the SO (was worse before he came), really hitting from when his father passed. whilst he was greiving, i had decided that the best way to relieve the pain was through.... self harm.

we both helped each other.

the only advice and best (hehe in my opinion) would be to reassure each other that they are no way alone.
through the whole slashing phase the SO would take my wrist and look dissaprovingly, then hug me and kiss me.
equally, when the SO laid in bed unable to talk or move, i would stroke him and tell him that ill always be there for him (i used to say "everything will be ok" or "youll be fine" but that seemed to annoy him even more because of how he felt)

so just make sure she knows you are there, you can do it together, and come out stronger.

feel free to PM if you want... theres more to it but i dont really want to say on this post.

hugs x

[CynicalQuixotic]

depression, self harm, suicidal idolization...

Ideation. Suicide isn't really something people idolize.

But on a more serious note, as someone who has suffered from depression and used to self-harm and is in a relationship with someone who has also battled the same demons, sometimes all you can do is just be there for the person. Just listening impartially without jumping to offer advice does a world of good. It really is so much harder with distance, I empathize, I also wish I could jump through the screen and give my boyfriend a hug when he's hurting, and he's told me the same.

If it seems like she is imminently planning to actually go through with attempting suicide, though, please call emergency services in her country or tell someone close to her. Do you know or talk to any of her friends or family?

[littleoldme]

if you are asking if they work, then yes. dont want to be too specific, but ive been rather depressed and down whilst going out with the SO (was worse before he came), really hitting from when his father passed. whilst he was greiving, i had decided that the best way to relieve the pain was through.... self harm.

we both helped each other.

the only advice and best (hehe in my opinion) would be to reassure each other that they are no way alone.
through the whole slashing phase the SO would take my wrist and look dissaprovingly, then hug me and kiss me.
equally, when the SO laid in bed unable to talk or move, i would stroke him and tell him that ill always be there for him (i used to say "everything will be ok" or "youll be fine" but that seemed to annoy him even more because of how he felt)

so just make sure she knows you are there, you can do it together, and come out stronger.

feel free to PM if you want... theres more to it but i dont really want to say on this post.

hugs x

i try to just be there for her as much as possible and stuff its really hard though all i want to is reach out and help her i wish i could just even be there with her

Ideation. Suicide isn't really something people idolize.

But on a more serious note, as someone who has suffered from depression and used to self-harm and is in a relationship with someone who has also battled the same demons, sometimes all you can do is just be there for the person. Just listening impartially without jumping to offer advice does a world of good. It really is so much harder with distance, I empathize, I also wish I could jump through the screen and give my boyfriend a hug when he's hurting, and he's told me the same.

If it seems like she is imminently planning to actually go through with attempting suicide, though, please call emergency services in her country or tell someone close to her. Do you know or talk to any of her friends or family?

first of all apologies on the spelling english may be my only language but still fail at it lol

i try to be there as much as possible and just listen when she needs etc
no i dont talk to any of her family or friends but we live in the some country so if need be i could ring

[Mfashnik]

I think patience is incredibly important. Try to be understanding and don't expect her experience and struggles to be the same as yours. Depression is different for everyone. Encourage her to talk to you and encourage her to find professional help. It's sometimes a difficult thing to talk about, but it's a necessary thing.

[floridaellen]

I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder that causes my depression. I used to selfharm and sometimes still do when I'm stressed/upset.
My SO has been able to help me with these issues, even though he is far away.
The support on the phone may not be ideal, but it is better than nothing. His love helps.

[littleoldme]

I think patience is incredibly important. Try to be understanding and don't expect her experience and struggles to be the same as yours. Depression is different for everyone. Encourage her to talk to you and encourage her to find professional help. It's sometimes a difficult thing to talk about, but it's a necessary thing.

i understand that her experience want be the same as mine i try to get her to talk to me and stuff but she says she doesn't want to worry me but in not telling me she worries me more... she is already getting professional help.

I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder that causes my depression. I used to selfharm and sometimes still do when I'm stressed/upset.
My SO has been able to help me with these issues, even though he is far away.
The support on the phone may not be ideal, but it is better than nothing. His love helps.

im glad your SO could help you

[Sunbeam]

Both my SO and I are recovered/recovering (whatever term you prefer) self harmers.
I guess the best advice I have is to listen and be there for each other, but remember that you can't fix your SO and vice-versa.
Sometimes professional help is needed.
Best of luck to you.

[Dar917]

I have/had depression and my bf is bipolar, both managed with medications. I would say continue to support each other and listen to each other. Maybe send random e-cards or something funny that would help brighten their day.

[HollzHeartsChris]

You're not alone. I haven't been diagnosed as having depression but I have a feeling I have it. My old SO had it too. I'm prone to stressing out and I find it hard to relax. LDRs can work even if you have a mental health issue, although it can be trying and very mentally tiring, but if it's strong then it's worth it. Remind yourself how lucky you are to have your SO and you can't go wrong.

[Monalisa]

Nice I found this thread. I have a LDR for almost 2 years now...he has anxiety issues and he's got chronic depression. It's very hard, when we met (that was 5 months ago) I was able to see exactly how that sh#t affects his life and I'm having a tough time now, cos sometimes I get mad when he's in silence (though I'm very patient and I'm not nagging) and sometimes I feel like a mean bitch (when I don't understand entirely his depression problem). The things is that communication is lacking now, I know that he's been in rough patch during the last month and i'm very worried, but I just don't understand why all of a sudden he stopped texting me and answering my calls. The only way I have been able to know about him is with his mum, she is worried too, because he's sleeping all the time and is always in a hell of a temper.

Being in the distance is horrible, I don't know if he is fine, I feel completely useless, and with the knot in my chest of not being able to steam out properly with him and clearing things out. I don't know what the hell is going on and I'm afraid of getting no explanations from him

[roser443]

My SO suffers from OCD/PTSD/anxiety issues. I have issues with self-esteem and insecurity(they pale in comparison I know). It has been difficult at times, adjusting to not only an LDR but learning about his different moods, triggers, negative memories, etc. The things that make his life all that much harder. I love him very much and it makes me feel better to know that there are others out there who are in similar situations.

[Chris516]

My SO suffers from OCD/PTSD/anxiety issues. I have issues with self-esteem and insecurity(they pale in comparison I know). It has been difficult at times, adjusting to not only an LDR but learning about his different moods, triggers, negative memories, etc. The things that make his life all that much harder. I love him very much and it makes me feel better to know that there are others out there who are in similar situations.

Your message said, both a lot and, a little, to me. My SO has OCD. I have several physical health problems. We are fully accepting of each other's health problems, but she is usually down on herself for her OCD. Some times she will say things that just blow me away. Does your SO do that? Do you ever feel like your SO is trying to push you away? How do you cope with it? Since you are in an LDR, like me.