Going through a real emotional storm right now....

[HollzHeartsChris]

There's some days where I just cry myself to sleep. Others I'll be fine and strong and not even the slightest things will daunt me. Tonight though...I'm having one of those moments. Where all I can do is cry. I feel absolutely dreadful right now mainly because at the moment I'm feeling really ill and I can't concentrate on anything for longer than half a minute without tiring or getting bored. I'm stressed out with work and I've barely slept properly the fast few nights because I'm afraid to fall asleep incase I have some of the dreams I used to get. Last night I went to bed at 2am and I was up by half seven to get up and go to work. I keep myself up by doing things that keep my mind active so that I can't think and when I eventually do go to bed, I pass out and I'm so exhausted it manages to keep the dreams away. I just can't settle my emotions. Most of the time though, as hard as I'm trying to fight it, I feel depressed and lethargic. Completely worn out both physically and emotionally, and I've got no motivation. But I don't want to talk to anyone about it for practical reasons, least of all my nursing mentor or my parents or those at my own doctor's surgery because I know what will happen. I'll have to recount everything, all the memories I don't want to remember, and not just over the past year. But the past 3 years and I don't want to do that because I can't handle it. It's one long, complicated story and it's full of things I'd sooner rather than later forget. I'm afraid I'll end up depressed and on meds like my dad: I'm already on quite a few meds due to a very painful inflammatory condition I have in my chest. There's so much I'm afraid of...so much I'm scared of happening and having to recount....I want to see someone about it but I know I can't. So I can't tell anyone. And what professional is going to want to listen to me anyway?

I just can't feel happy for long anymore. And what I'm scared of is people are already beginning to notice.

I just don't know where to go from here or what to do any more...

I just feel so broken and torn up it's not even funny. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone besides you guys anymore. And even coming here hurts somewhat...

What can I do? I feel so lost.

[efish1042]

First of all

*HUG*

Secondly
I feel like I can personally relate to this on some level. And to a certain extent, I think everyone here can. You are not alone. It sounds like you are going through a very rough patch, but the most important thing to remember is that "this too shall pass". Everything happens for a reason and you will come out of this stronger for it. Just keep pushing, love. You ARE strong enough. That doesn't mean you can't be sad, it means you can move on.

It sounds like you are doing good by keeping busy (temporary solution), but it is really not good to be losing sleep. Losing sleep only exacerbates a bad situation. If you are having trouble sleeping, I would recommend melatonin (temporary solution). https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorder...tonin-overview

As far as being concerned about seeing a professional, I've been there and done that. It personally wasn't for me and I was also worried about

I'm afraid I'll end up depressed and on meds

You should know that it isn't necessarily a bad thing, nor is it usually permanent. My mom was only on them for a few months to help her get over the death of her mother. Personally, I find it much easier to talk to people I know and trust, tho.

Also, I know you would really rather forget whatever it is that's happened, but you should understand the benefits of getting it out there and finding closure. I really wanted to forget a traumatic experience I had a couple years ago and I did mostly, but it just kept coming back to bother me until I finally had a breakdown and talked to someone about it and they helped me get closure. It still worries me on occasion, typically when the anniversary of the event comes around, but it is much easier to deal with now. It typically helps bad dreams go away too. Also, keeping busy only puts off a situation that you need to deal with. It is a temporary solution. Talking about it and getting that closure is more permanent. If you don't feel like there is anyone in your life you can talk to and don't want to see a professional, there are always many supportive people here ready to offer a hug and someone to listen.
You can do anything. ANYTHING. Remember that.

[raiblade3]

Awwwe im so sorry that u have to go through such trials :/ I wish there was something i could say to make it better.

[Jgui]

Huggssss*****!!

I know exactly how you feel because I've been through the same thing before. When my 5.5 year relationship ended I was an emotional wreck. I cried myself to sleep every night and couldn't focus on anything. My work performance was dropping and I could cared less if I got fired. I just wanted to stay in bed all day. I pretty much was running on 5 hours of sleep daily which made me a zombie during the day. I saw different therapist and none helped me get back on my feet. I don't remember much of 2010 beside being an emotional wreck and a girl who cried her eyeballs out every day. I got tired of talking to my friends about my situation because I was starting to feel like I'm a burden to them.

You're a strong girl and I know you can overcome this. Just keep reminding and telling yourself you deserve to be in a better stage that you're in now.

You are more than welcome to message me if you ever want to just talk and let things off your chest. It Honestly feels better just letting it out than having it bottle up inside.

[LuvSsw]

omg you are so not alone i swear. I feel the same as you most days. i feel like some sort of robot as i go through my day...just goin through the motions and doing what is expected of me..what i have to do. and i often feel like a burden too..because i can't seem to just snap out of it. i have this constant sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach alot. it's only been about a week and a half since my world was shattered. but one thing i can say..is that there is this little..meek voice..somewhere inside..that tells me that what others are saying here on this forum..is so very valid...it's like my subconscious accepts it..but my emotional self remains enveloped in seemingly soul crushing sadness. Sometimes I just feel like I have a split personality y'know? Honey, know that you are not alone. Pain visits everyone's doorstep at some point..but it can't stay there forever..and from this we will learn to do things so that we don't allow it in ...in the future. I can get through this. YOU can get through this. <3

[delphynaus]

awww!! I'm so sorry about your feeling and I totally understand!! I was exactly the same after my 3 years relationship ended most unexpectedly.. Time is the strongest remedy.. noone can help because only you can feel the burning fire in your heart and veins .. but the good news, I can tell you today that even if you really dont forget the relationship.. you can find love again.. it seems impossible especially after a crazy love.. but it happens!!

Be strong and I'm sure you can do it.. find a way to get him out of your system (for me writing in a book all the memories I had and then burning the book helped clear it out)

you can always message me if you want to talk

<3