Sadness filled my heart when I realized...

[raiblade3]

I've realized that my SO and myself have absolutely ZERO in common :/ I don't know how i could miss that after before we got engaged. There is no conversation beyond what we did during the day. There is no deep conversations late at night, No heart to hearts... There is absolutely nothing.

I don't know what to do :/

[squirrelz15]

That is really only a decision you can make as far as what to do... Sometimes you don't have to have a lot in common with your SO in order to make things work or to have heart to heart convos. I'm sorry, I don't know much of your back story, and I don't know you guys, but you've made it this far, so maybe it's possible. In the end though, only you can know if you think you can spend the rest of your life with your SO or not.

[Sora1101]

My SO and I are the same way, we really don't have much to talk about and we never have those deep meaningful conversations but that doesn't mean that they can't happen some people just find it easier to start deeper conversations in person where you can feel physical reinforcements for opening your heart up so completely to someone, or it could be that you're just lacking topic material, or one or both of you are never in the right mindset for those types of talks. And you can always find things to do together or try to do new things that will create a bond between the two of you. Games, arts and crafts, music, movies, cooking etc. There's an endless amount of stuff that you guys could relate over.

[Hololz]

Okay, there must be something you guys share? The same sense of humour? The same aspirations? You wouldnt have gotten engaged if there wasnt something that made you really click. Maybe its not something obvious like, you're both into sports or video games etc.

I'm also assuming here, that since you got engaged, that you both want the same things from life e.g. where you plan to live, children? etc. Personally I would class that kindd of conversation as a heart to heart.

Myself and my boyfriend also have very little in common, instead, I asked him if there were things that he wanted us to do toogether when we were CD again. To my surprise, he suggested playing squash and taking cooking lessons together, things I never thought to ask him about because I presumed he just wouldnt be interested. Is there an activity or a hobby you could try and do together?

Me and My SO also share a great sense of humour together, even though Im not into video games and politics, it doesnt matter beacuse we just laugh at funny stuff together.

I feel that our relationship would be very boring if we both had the same opinions on things.

[raiblade3]

Sora1101:....Topic material... hmmm Interesting you said that. I've been looking for topics to talk about.. but when ever i ask a question to try to start off a conversation.. the answer is given and that is usually the end of the conversation :/ Although I'm taking what you've said into consideration. I guess i have some research to do. "Games, arts and crafts, music, movies, cooking etc." How do i do that in LDR?


Hololz: I guess what made us really click is her kind heart.... But for some reason I feel she is a bit too kind or careful and that it's just gonna disappear once marriage is set in stone sorta speak.. And yes i would classify those as heart to hearts too IF the conversation was longer than 2 seconds... It's like the connection we had is fading. I don't even think she notices though :/ I could look into hobbys and stuff... She really doesn't do much though... Is there any activity that you could suggest?



I appreciate everything y'all have said. Thank you so much. Taking it all in.

[Hololz]

Ask her if theres anything new she would like to try, or suggest something you would like to try. If you're long distance you could ask what each others favourite meal is and practice cooking it for each other, maybe share tips about the recipies with each other?

Something myself and my SO do alot is find news stories online to discuss. We found that we share alot of the same values (but that we also disagree on a lot too - to the point where our opinions have differed so much that we are literally shouting at each other over skype lol). He's also explained certain news stories to me when i dont fully understand them. It doesnt have to be anything technical or heavy, just something you're interested in and think she may be interested in too.

We also just generally send links to each other that are funny :P

[annb8888]

me and my SO are ages apart - he's younger than I am so imagine the generation gap between us. But we met online in a dancing community group because even at my age, I still love to dance. And we both do. But other than that - the ideals, the reasonings, the likes, music, games, nerd stuff - we have so little in common. but there's one universal language that every person in a relationship can talk about - we talk about intimacy lol, yea, we play games & we talk sexy to each other - it always put us in a good mood..

seriously, it's really not about having things in common - if you love her, you love her for her. I mean, all you need is a pair of ears to listen to her talk about her activities and open yourself to new adventures. I wasn't into watching a certain tv series because I've always thought that series was boring but my SO loves it and so I tried it out & I learned to like it. We watch it together online while on skype and we laugh together. And in return, he's not a fan of cheesy movies but he now watches them as long as it's with me (usually romantic comedies). We do it on skype and stream it together. So i guess in time, you'll get to appreciate what she likes and vice versa, no two persons are really alike anyway and that's the beauty of a relationship - you discover new things about each other, right?

[uniquefem]

Me and my so are very different in everything. Similarity maybe only that we're a geek.

If i talk about soccer he would mad, and if he talk about physic i feel dumb. This short of thing...

But its interesting that we both had different things, i think its fun because i could learn lots of stuff from him, and he finally know several football player, he finally know things that i know... we did knowledge exchange.

If i didn't know about what he talk about he will give me a link (during our chat) and then i read it, and discuss it. Same for me. We could talk about lots of things for hours. When he sent me a wooden jewelry box that had hand made drawings on it we discuss it too because we are from different country and culture different carvings and etc.

Don't you had questions when things are different? why he did thing different way?why the color different?

You never ask questions to her? haha i could use 5W+1H on a thing he just said that tickle my curiosity.

I think maybe you get bored or something like that? that made you feel you kind of dont want to discuss anything with her??

[milaya]

My SO and I have close to zero things in common.
Last time he was here we actually tried to mention the things we did share - and we could come up with one: love of traveling.
Besides that... there's pretty much nothing and we got married.

Even though we have nothing in common, we still manage to have deep, heart to heart conversations. Maybe it's because I'm a big talker and he's a great listener, but we can always find things to talk about. Sometimes our lack of common interests is what keeps us talking.

[raiblade3]

Hololz: LOL@ shouting at each other over skype XD thats too funny lol and so cute ^_^ Nd yes we are long distance :] I'm gonna try the link sharing! It sounds fun :] Do u have any websites that u lean more towards when looking for funny stuff?

annb8888: My so and I are only 3 years apart (I'm older) but it seems like a lot more for some reason -_- And your absolutely right. Discover is the fun part. I guess I was getting frustrated because she really wasn't giving me anything to work with :/ We talk again tomorrow, so we will see what happens :] Thanks.


uniquefem: Knowledge exchange.. Very very interesting :] I like thaat. And yes i ask lots of questions but when i do it seems like I'm always boring her to death -_- I honestly don't think she likes when i ask her questions like that :/ Which is another interesting subject. I guess your right in a way :/



Milaya: LOL she's a talker and im the listener too ^_^ I guess your right. Maybe I'm just having trouble opening up? idk

P.S. Thanks for the input everyone I really really appreciate it.

[Sora1101]

Sora1101:....Topic material... hmmm Interesting you said that. I've been looking for topics to talk about.. but when ever i ask a question to try to start off a conversation.. the answer is given and that is usually the end of the conversation :/ Although I'm taking what you've said into consideration. I guess i have some research to do. "Games, arts and crafts, music, movies, cooking etc." How do i do that in LDR?

Skype is a great way to do things together, you can watch each other play games or cook and you can even watch movies together. But you don't need to do these things together, you could each pick something off a compiled list like watch a certain movie, cook something off a recipe, make something for each other, and complete them at your own pace, when you finish it's a conversation starter. Such as how did that cake turn out? Did you enjoy making that scrapbook? I really liked that movie when you finish it we should talk about it.

[Kerry]

take this time during your engagement to get to know her better on a deeper level. I think this will be the key to your relationship.

[Engel]

My SO and I have close to zero things in common.
Last time he was here we actually tried to mention the things we did share - and we could come up with one: love of traveling.
Besides that... there's pretty much nothing and we got married.

Even though we have nothing in common, we still manage to have deep, heart to heart conversations. Maybe it's because I'm a big talker and he's a great listener, but we can always find things to talk about. Sometimes our lack of common interests is what keeps us talking.

exactly like me. we dont have much in common. heck, we have almost nothing. but we love each other and will get married.

[Sunbeam]

My SO and I have very little in common too.
We like to share funny links/videos... and we're both big debaters. So news stories keep us talking.
Also, we make up random hypothetical situations, like today, it was "If we owned our own island, what would we name it?" and of course, we debated it forever.
The old saying "opposites attract" actually holds pretty true in our case.

[raiblade3]

Sora1101: I recently tried downloading skype (yesterday) but it's not working. It keeps saying skype can't connect. It's downloaded on my computer but not letting me log on. :/

Kerry: I'll try my best! Thanks, bud :]

Engel: I guess sometimes all ya need is love huh? That's awesome.

Sunbeam: LOL! I'm always comming up with situations in my head but never thought to use them in a conversation! hmmm I'll try that!



P.S. Thanks again everyone! <3 you all!