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**Zephii** · April 29, 2010, 09:52 AM

Seriously, I think your guy needs to cut contact with this chick, at least for a little while. Everything has a block feature these days. The only reason she is still in both your lives pissing you off is because you want her to be. Take action and it will stop. ^^; That's what I reckon!
Carrots! xx

**Kat Marie** · April 29, 2010, 10:17 AM

Wow, I have an almost close-distance version of that with my SO. First I'll tell you my advice, I don't wanna turn this around and be about me, haha. I think that he should seriously just tell her to back off. There doesn't sound like there's a reason for her to be in either of your lives, at all. Honestly? Just ignore it! She WANTS the drama, she WANTS the confrontation. She wants to know that she truly pissed you both off! When my SO's ex-kinda gf does this type of stuff, I know it's for attention and she thinks that if she causes drama and pisses me off, it'll get me and him mad at each other, and that's exactly what she wants! So we've ignored her the past few times she's done stuff, and she hasn't been in our radars in a while. The only reason you should directly speak to her is if she directly speaks to you, live, only to say "Please leave us alone." Nothing else.

For my sort of similar story,
See, him and one of my ex-close friends were "kinda-sorta" in the process of trying to date each other for a few months, but she'd always go off and start dating a guy close distance (he had already moved from here to Florida for school at this point) and then she'd go visit him in Florida and come back thinking he was the one, etc. They never did anything, not even kiss, but she truly believed she loved him (mind you, she truly believed she loved a lot of guys she dated). So, when her friendship with me fell apart, and he no longer felt any interest toward her, and she was off dating a guy close distance, he and I got closer and I figured everything was fine and dandy and she was over him and she wouldn't care seeing as she was with someone! When he came home for winter break, he took me on a date, and she found out. She basically went insane. At this point she had broken up with her bf (she went through guys quickly), so when I was at home on New Years Eve because I had my wisdom teeth out and was in too much pain to do anything, and my SO was with his best friend who was home from the marines, she showed up at his house 5 minutes until midnight declaring her love for him and trying to get him to go walk down by the river with her and give him a midnight kiss!! It was the most horrible moment of my life, being at home, in pain, and KNOWING she was there. I couldn't drive because of the pain meds or I'd have shown up. I cried and cried because I didn't know what was going on, until 20 minutes later he came back to the computer and told me that he had been texting me through the whole time she was there (I wasn't getting any of them because apparently on New Years around midnight it was taking a while) so I got all of them at once a few minutes later... Now, she still texts him stating her case and trying to get him back to her. She posts blogs, and get this - she quit her jobs and tried to convince him to let her move down there "just for a little bit until she found her own place". She had full intentions of going down there until she found out that he was going to flat out refuse to let her in.

He explained to me this, which made me feel better... "She's a girl. You're a woman. She's "in love" but doesn't fully grasp the concept. She's in love with the idea of being in love. I want to be with YOU, not with her. I care about you and our life together." It still irks me that he won't delete her from facebook and that he responds when she texts him, and I've told him this, but we can't very well tell our men to stop being friends with other females just because we don't like them! (Although, in both your case and mine, they feel like threats to us!).

Sorry so long, lol... I don't know if it helped, I started rambling on about my own situation. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Crazy exes are everywhere!

**Twiggy** · April 29, 2010, 10:44 AM

Yeah, you should just ask your SO to cut all contact with her. Like, delete her in his contact list or something. :/ My SO has people telling him stuff like "I love you" or "I have a crush on you". And I guess I know how you feel. It's downright annoying.
She's being stubborn and I guess her pretending not to acknowledge that your SO loves you so much may hurt her feelings too.
So might as well ask her to move on. Find someone else. Leave you both alone.

**ValadinShadow** · April 29, 2010, 11:15 AM

Hate to break it to you, but people don't mature with age. My SO's ex still thinks I stole him from her, and she thinks I slept with him to do it. She tried to spread that around our college campus. THAT would have been awkward. With a student body of 600, things get around fast. Thankfully any one who knew me laughed hysterically in her face, so I didn't gain that particular reputation.
I'm sorry she is so annoying. Just be grateful that your guy is unhappy about it too, block her, and don't give her the satisfaction.

**xsomanymilesx** · April 29, 2010, 01:27 PM

she sounds pathetic, ignore her. LOL

**Veiled_Dreamer** · April 29, 2010, 05:34 PM

I posted a nice semi-detailed story, but I accidentally deleted it before I could post. So if I feel like it's necessary to give more details, then I will type it again. XD The moral of the story is, after they broke up but were moving into the more than friends stage, she decided that they were going to be together. Decided, not like wanted to make it happen... she told him they were going to be together, from my understanding, planned it all out and told him if he was unhappy, he needed to suck it up and deal. It's kind of funny to think they were ever really together.

Originally posted by Kat Marie View Post

She WANTS the drama, she WANTS the confrontation. She wants to know that she truly pissed you both off! When my SO's ex-kinda gf does this type of stuff, I know it's for attention and she thinks that if she causes drama and pisses me off, it'll get me and him mad at each other, and that's exactly what she wants! So we've ignored her the past few times she's done stuff, and she hasn't been in our radars in a while. The only reason you should directly speak to her is if she directly speaks to you, live, only to say "Please leave us alone." Nothing else.

That was something I worried about. Everything she says, she backs up with, He told me this! *insert "quote" that she has twisted to suit her needs* So I feel like I would be pressured to say, No, darling, he told me this and he yadayadayada. I don't want to turn my SO into some all-powerful source of truth or something, that's too much and he's not responsible for settling petty gossipy fights between two girls. But I'm worried that if I ignore her, she will continue to think he and I are casual and keep these plans and fantasies in mind. She's kept them in her head for the year since they broke up, relatively unwavering... why would that change all of a sudden, considering she's ignored everything else he's told her about the recent changes between he and I?

Ignoring is the easiest solution, of course, but imagine my SO's position. She's obviously obsessed but doesn't seem to have noticed their supposed hours of daily convo have gone down to minutes. These outbursts with her come out of the blue, and I think it would be harder to tell her and enforce the fact that they are no longer talking than to just let her realize they aren't. Plus, suppose he cuts contact, I'm sure she will find a way to talk to him again and then she'll just be more desperate and manipulative.

**Zephii** · April 29, 2010, 10:14 PM

Uhm, there are legal avenues to take with stalker-like people. At home we call it an AVO, but I think in America it's a "restraining order". Basically you have a small five minute court case and the magistrate forbids that person calling or comming within a certain distance of you. If they break this court order the cops step in, and all that other nasty stuff. You can stalk people over the internet too, and the law has adapted to show this.
I remember reading your bf's reasons for not setting her straight long ago and stuff, but honestly, at this point I feel if he isn't bothering to do something about it he likes the attention from her. If he really truly wanted it to stop finally and completely he would take action. It's gone on long ehough.
This is not a situation that can not be solved.
Best wishes, sorry if I was too blunt.
~Zephii

**Alisz** · April 30, 2010, 02:19 AM

I agree, your partner really needs to just stop talking to her period. He's told her that you guys are together and there is no chance that he'll be leaving you for her. Since this concept clearly hasn't gotten through to her, he really needs to just stop talking to her. Maybe, just maybe, this will allow her a chance to move on. I mean, if she can't see or talk to him, then it's possible she'll finally realize there is no chance and after she's emo'd out find someone else to obsess over. That's all she's really doing at this point. Obsessing over him. And the fact that he's presently there for her to talk to is just making her even more delusional. It's clear that she's being an annoyance to your relationship and by letting her stay around is causing more drama. :/ I honestly don't know why he'd bother to have someone like that in his life still. *shrugs* It's kinda creepy tbh...

**Darth_Taco** · May 2, 2010, 12:31 AM

I'm not for choosing who your significant other is friends with, but I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for this to stop. It's one thing if it's an issue just between them. That is not the case here though. She wants to drag you into this. If someone he knows is trying to hurt you, it's his job to resolve it. Best way to do it is to tell her to stay away from you and stop being a bitch or threaten to cut off all contact. He needs to mean it, and tell her as directly as he can. Don't be nice about it either. Flat out tell her to shut the fuck up and grow up. He needs to be pissed too. Being angry shows that he's being serious about you, his feelings for you, and that he doesn't appreciate that she's harassing you. He needs to scare her into finally thinking "Oh shit, maybe I should stop." She could very well be a dumb bitch though, so if it doesn't work (like I suspect) then just cut off contact for the rest of the month. Conveniently it's the first of the month ;D. Anyway, he can respond in the end. He should respond by telling her that if she keeps fucking with you he's done talking to her for good. After his mother, grandmother, sister, child, and/or a close female relative, you are the number one woman in his life and he needs to make that very clear to her. If she absolutely flat out refuses to get it then she needs to be gone from his life.

I'll retype this once my cold is over to make it more clear XP. I'll basically say the same thing though.

And yes, I do get he feels very sorry for her. Like I said, she's fucking with you. Since you're the most important woman in her life outside of relatives, this has to be a deal breaker. I bet he wouldn't keep this girl around if he were doing this to his mother or sister.

**Veiled_Dreamer** · May 2, 2010, 01:44 PM

Update: She denies the formspring thing excessively. He made some good points about how it could be a few other people that may be upset with me, but he's not really prepared to take her word at face value when she pretends she has no idea. I still think it was her. =P Whatever, I guess it's no problem now.

So I went to the prom last night, and of course I didn't get to IM my SO much from my phone since we were out all day, and I thought it'd be rude to my date (who wasn't really my date of course XD) to text all through his prom. But I checked in occasionally so he would know I wasn't dead, or drunk, or etc and one time I changed my MSN status thing to "bowling after prom" or whatever.

Ana, of course, sees this when she logs into MSN, and asks my SO how I got to prom. He says I was invited by a guy, and she asks why or something like that, he says he doesn't know. Then get this. XD She is stupid enough to tell him, to his face, that she is shocked I got invited because I am just not pretty. I really don't get it, badmouthing his lover to his face is supposed to get her somewhere? Not only that, but she (who claims to have low self esteem) goes on and on about how beautiful she is, how her figure was better than mine when she was my age, etc, etc. Her whole ideal of beauty is based on her idea of sex appeal, which is sort of funny because my SO prefers a bit of a smaller chest on girls, so she can go rub that point elsewhere. So, score one for my SO: he tells her she is arrogant and he just doesn't want to talk to her. I feel like he said other things too but it was late when I got home and we didn't get much of a chance to talk. I wanted to tell her what for about several things, calmly for the most part, but my SO really wants us to take the hands-off approach and just let her tire herself out of all this complaining. And if it hurts him or causes problems with us, it's not worth it at all. He says I should trust him to stick up for me, and he does, but I think it would be different for her if I went from being this distant figure she could insult to a very real person who is very tired of her crap. I think I'll talk to him about it later.

You know, I know he thinks I'm prettier and more attractive than any other girl, so it's not a blow to my self esteem. It's just SO annoying that she does this to him and he tells her to stop and she won't, so I want to basically get in her face the best way I know how, just for a minute. Because she has to understand that yes, she is VERY jealous of me, but that's just too bad. My SO and she hardly talk at all any more, I really don't get why she has to randomly bring me up to him for the sole purpose of insulting me. Well, of course I understand her motives, but really, any and all reasons for this are totally unreasonable altogether. My SO thinks she's jealous of my looks, intelligence, social ability, and relationship with him, not to mention "let's face it, you're SANE." He says she's basically become a slut over all of this, too. It's just really screwed up. I know he thinks talking to her would bring about drama, and I won't talk to her unless I tell him about it first (I promised I wouldn't do it on an impulse), but what do you all think? =/ Should I, shouldn't I, what?

P.S. It also screwed up an otherwise perfect night, because he was in a bad mood. Thanks again Ana.

**Alisz** · May 3, 2010, 04:20 AM

Originally posted by Veiled_Dreamer

I know he thinks talking to her would bring about drama, and I won't talk to her unless I tell him about it first (I promised I wouldn't do it on an impulse), but what do you all think? =/ Should I, shouldn't I, what?

Personally, I would just ignore her. I wouldn't let her get to me and just not even mention her anymore. She's really not worth the time. And, look, he was in a bad mood from talking to her. She's just needs to be ignored until she can get her act together, if she ever does. I mean, you can't tell your boyfriend what to do, but if I were you I'd tell him that it bothers me and would rather not have her around. Honestly, it seems each time she's in the picture it leaves a bad taste in both your mouths. :/ She seems to be beyond reason...

**lunamea** · May 3, 2010, 01:45 PM

I fail to understand why your boyfriend keeps talking to someone he thinks is an insane slut. It doesn't really figure for me. But I think he's right, you talking to her will create more drama. I wouldn't do it, and I would ask him very nicely why he even keeps talking to her if that makes him angry and obviously is bad for your relationship. As I understand it, he's told her often enough to stop bashing you, so she's had her chance and I think it's time to finally cut her off.

**Veiled_Dreamer** · May 4, 2010, 08:45 AM

I've asked him why he continues talking to her, and even he really doesn't know. =P I think it's because, like I said, I seriously doubt she would actually stop talking to him no matter what we do. So it's easier to do the two minutes a day thing and her occasional outbursts (which I think would happen anyway) than to actually lay down the law. Does that make sense at all? Plus, I feel kind of bad asking/suggesting he stop talking to her. One of the things that made the difference between us when he had to choose (she was not always this crazy, there had to be an actual choice to be made a few months ago) was that she wanted him to almost literally stop talking to all other girls. She wanted any girl he had once liked and was now just casual friends with to be totally and utterly gone. Now, I recognize that a kinda crazy ex is not the same thing as a very casual friend, but I still don't want to ask him to stop talking to her.

**Alisz** · May 4, 2010, 09:35 AM

Originally posted by Veiled_Dreamer View Post

I've asked him why he continues talking to her, and even he really doesn't know. =P I think it's because, like I said, I seriously doubt she would actually stop talking to him no matter what we do. So it's easier to do the two minutes a day thing and her occasional outbursts (which I think would happen anyway) than to actually lay down the law. Does that make sense at all? Plus, I feel kind of bad asking/suggesting he stop talking to her. One of the things that made the difference between us when he had to choose (she was not always this crazy, there had to be an actual choice to be made a few months ago) was that she wanted him to almost literally stop talking to all other girls. She wanted any girl he had once liked and was now just casual friends with to be totally and utterly gone. Now, I recognize that a kinda crazy ex is not the same thing as a very casual friend, but I still don't want to ask him to stop talking to her.

But is he even getting anything out of the friendship with her? From the way you describe it, he's just tolerating her. And from his bad mood, it sounds like he's getting fed up with her. I mean, it's partially that she's a disturbance to your relationship, but it's not putting him in the bestest of moods either. I don't think if you suggested that maybe he distance himself more from her that it'd be taken in the same light as what she had asked him. If my boyfriend was friends with someone (guy or girl) who I saw was stressing him out and causing unnecessary drama in his life, I would ask him if the friendship was really worth all that. I think it's better that he try to ignore her now than blow up in her face later, y'know?

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