I Broke It Off
Hi Everyone,
I've been in my LDR for about a year, and we've been having a really rough time the past couple of months. I just found myself hurting so badly from everything--crying from missing him, feeling like emotions were not reciprocated, the closure of distance just seemed up in the air forever...just a whole bunch of stuff that I won't list out...
After taking a couple weeks to ourselves, we had a long talk last night about all our issues (my issues--he didn't have any apparently) and in the end I realized none of the issues we were talking about were the real problem anymore. I needed more. I realized my emotions for him ran a lot deeper than his for me, and he made it clear that his weren't going to be growing without us being in the same place. Our definitions of love are different. He loved me, but not the way that I loved him. He kept being in disbelief for how much I cared about him even though we had only seen each other in total for a couple of weeks--Like how could I feel so deeply for someone with only that time?
It's strange because I know he loves me and really cares about me. I feel like he sees things that I don't. He says my love is almost like a highschool love (he said that with the side note that he isn't trivializing it--it's just a diff type). I don't think it is, but maybe I'm wrong---when I love, I love hard, I put every part of myself into it, and it's passionate and intense--but there is also just the enduring feeling of contentment and deep friendship. Maybe I focused too much in seeking love through our romance vs him seeking love through our friendship....I'm just over analyzing now.. I think I'm just worried that maybe I didn't see how much he loved me because his love was more "mature"--looking at the overall picture...and I needed that immediate intense "high school" style love. sigh...
I know it was the right thing to end it. If I continued he would be fine, getting the doses of me that he needed--but where was I left? Feeling horrible that we weren't on the same level.
I love him so much. We ended on good terms. We spoke for a couple hours about everything...he definitely tried to fight to get me back but I've already been down that road twice with him. He doesn't want to lose me as a friend, and I told him that's a possibility once I eventually get over him.
He asked me, "If I move to San Francisco, will you still love me?" (he lives in NYC, and we had both planned to be in sf together). I of course will always love him and have a place in my heart for him--and it may be naive but I hope that one day we find ourselves in the same place and can give it another chance. He told me he would only be ok with us not talking if I made him that promise and was serious about it...and I am.
I'm really devastated by it all. I just feel like we were so close to getting everything we wanted, but circumstances just made it impossible to keep going. I know in reality it's slim that we will be together again, but deep inside I really cling onto that hope. I feel like I just wasn't cut out for long distance if we didn't feel the same way about each other.
I wanted him to love me in a way that he admitted he wasn't capable if we were far away. It sucks.
I'm trying to stay strong...I keep trying to convince myself it was the right thing to do, but it's hard when all I do is miss him and feel like crying my eyes out...It's like my mind knows that it was right, but my heart is shattered and reaching out to him.
I've been in my LDR for about a year, and we've been having a really rough time the past couple of months. I just found myself hurting so badly from everything--crying from missing him, feeling like emotions were not reciprocated, the closure of distance just seemed up in the air forever...just a whole bunch of stuff that I won't list out...
After taking a couple weeks to ourselves, we had a long talk last night about all our issues (my issues--he didn't have any apparently) and in the end I realized none of the issues we were talking about were the real problem anymore. I needed more. I realized my emotions for him ran a lot deeper than his for me, and he made it clear that his weren't going to be growing without us being in the same place. Our definitions of love are different. He loved me, but not the way that I loved him. He kept being in disbelief for how much I cared about him even though we had only seen each other in total for a couple of weeks--Like how could I feel so deeply for someone with only that time?
It's strange because I know he loves me and really cares about me. I feel like he sees things that I don't. He says my love is almost like a highschool love (he said that with the side note that he isn't trivializing it--it's just a diff type). I don't think it is, but maybe I'm wrong---when I love, I love hard, I put every part of myself into it, and it's passionate and intense--but there is also just the enduring feeling of contentment and deep friendship. Maybe I focused too much in seeking love through our romance vs him seeking love through our friendship....I'm just over analyzing now.. I think I'm just worried that maybe I didn't see how much he loved me because his love was more "mature"--looking at the overall picture...and I needed that immediate intense "high school" style love. sigh...
I know it was the right thing to end it. If I continued he would be fine, getting the doses of me that he needed--but where was I left? Feeling horrible that we weren't on the same level.
I love him so much. We ended on good terms. We spoke for a couple hours about everything...he definitely tried to fight to get me back but I've already been down that road twice with him. He doesn't want to lose me as a friend, and I told him that's a possibility once I eventually get over him.
He asked me, "If I move to San Francisco, will you still love me?" (he lives in NYC, and we had both planned to be in sf together). I of course will always love him and have a place in my heart for him--and it may be naive but I hope that one day we find ourselves in the same place and can give it another chance. He told me he would only be ok with us not talking if I made him that promise and was serious about it...and I am.
I'm really devastated by it all. I just feel like we were so close to getting everything we wanted, but circumstances just made it impossible to keep going. I know in reality it's slim that we will be together again, but deep inside I really cling onto that hope. I feel like I just wasn't cut out for long distance if we didn't feel the same way about each other.
I wanted him to love me in a way that he admitted he wasn't capable if we were far away. It sucks.
I'm trying to stay strong...I keep trying to convince myself it was the right thing to do, but it's hard when all I do is miss him and feel like crying my eyes out...It's like my mind knows that it was right, but my heart is shattered and reaching out to him.
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