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**Zapookie** · November 24, 2011, 03:38 AM

It does seem that she doesn't trust you.

Do you guys talk to each other on webcam at all? Do you talk over the phone? I'm really not sure what advice I can give... reading that whole thing just seemed like I was reading some kind of furry manga comic... sorry if that's harsh. It seems like you two aren't really taking each other seriously (and please correct me if I'm wrong).

I guess you can try and progress your relationship by talking on the phone or webcam if you haven't already, those types of things definitely help to build up trust in the other person. It might stop her from thinking you're a psycho killer.

Are you able to give us anymore background on your relationship?

**HerSunflower** · November 24, 2011, 03:55 AM

I don't understand your furry manga comic comment but yeah we've webcam'd before. A couple of times during the summer and we've talked at least a couple of times throughout the month over skype on the phone. And as far as I know I DO take her seriously... I mean I had everything ready and set and all that I had to do was wait for the day I would leave. I had the route planned, the costs taken into consideration and I even called the embassy of her country for travel information pertaining to documents I'd have to have in order to enter into her country which is Canada. We had this planned since last December, this trip.

Thank you though, I guess that's all there's left to do? Just let things progress and see what happens? To be honest I've run myself ragged for this girl for some time, just emotionally. I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
But what sort of background information would you like?

**Zapookie** · November 24, 2011, 04:57 AM

I guess I wanted to know if you knew why she felt like this? Was there a specific thing that happened to cause her to not trust you or has she always just been scared?

I think the best thing is just to keep up communication. Add her on any of your social networking sites if you can, and just try to show her more of your life so she can feel a little more at ease. There's nothing else you can really do except be open and honest with her about you and your life. Its up to her whether she chooses to trust you or not.

**Zephii** · November 24, 2011, 04:58 AM

This is a new relationship and you are both young - that's what this screams to me. For there to be a trust issue, in my opionion, there needs to at some point been trust to interfere with - ie you can't have an issue with something that likely has never been present.

You need to slow down and give yourselves time to grow up. She's not going to meet you if she's not ready to give her address.

International love is serious shit - it's hard and it's packed full of red tape. I hate to sound like a granny, but you's aren't ready yet. Wait.
Date for a couple of years. Give her your address if you have not already. Web cam with her - more - a lot more. Let her 'meet' your friends or family. Start to involve each other in your lives rather than just telling each other about your lives... Then, when you are both ready to open the can of worms that is international romance - some time AFTER her parents know you exist - plan a visit.

Plan as adults - people who are honest and unafraid to date openly.

**ioanna** · November 24, 2011, 05:20 AM

Zephii summed it pretty much up!
i can also suggest that you meet somewhere halfway if she is still not trusting giving you her address, or at a nearby town with a friend or a relative. but that is only after you've gotten to know each other deeper.
you said you've been together for three years already... if you are both adults and she hasn't had something in her past to make her react this way, i would personally question her intentions.. sorry, this might hurt, but i'm being honest..

**Zephii** · November 24, 2011, 05:24 AM

Three years? I don't know how I missed that o.O I don't think you're wrong to be pushing for a bit more then honestly

**Nicky** · November 24, 2011, 08:37 AM

Hmmm... about she being scared it kind of sounds like me when I was going to meet my boyfriend but I wasn't scared about him being a killer at all cos I competely trusted him I thought he wouldn't like me but he did

I just think she's overthinking too much like I do sometimes it's something hard to explain just try and give her security like saying that you really care about her and you won't let anything bad happen to her and if she is a bit worried about giving you her address maybe you should meet up somewhere else! but make her think about the amazing things that you could do together on those days just try and relax and especially be patient with her. Good luck!

**annb8888** · November 24, 2011, 09:23 AM

I've only been in my LDR for 8 months and we've skyped / vid chat like almost everyday, we're fb friends and we have mutual friends on the net as well. Now I can't really tell why your girlfriend won't trust you her address after being together for 3 years?? I gave my address to my boyfriend and he was so happy to know I trusted him and he gave me his address in return.

I say if she really wants to see you, set up a mutual spot - a restaurant or a mall where there are lots of people. Have her bring a friend with her - tell her it's okay to bring someone if she wants you guys to meet and shes scared you're a rapist (??) although I can't really believe she would think that after 3 years in a LDR.

**Sunbeam** · November 24, 2011, 10:02 AM

If you've been in an LDR for 3 years and have yet to meet because of her fears, I'd say that definitely screams trust issues.
I understand pre-visit jitters. I met my SO this summer, and it didn't hit me until I was off the plane in England, and on the train to meet him. I had this epic moment of "OMFG what am I doing? I'm in a foreign country away from my family and I'm meeting this guy I've only seen through skype!" But it was nerves, not fear that made me back down.
Like other people have said, maybe make a meeting point and offer to let her bring a friend. Also, maybe give her your address? Maybe if she sees you trust her (and can possibly google map it/google it to ease her mind that you aren't a rapist), she'll start to trust.

Best of luck to you! I hope everything works out!

**Engel** · November 25, 2011, 12:25 PM

Originally posted by Zapookie View Post

It does seem that she doesn't trust you.

Do you guys talk to each other on webcam at all? Do you talk over the phone? I'm really not sure what advice I can give... reading that whole thing just seemed like I was reading some kind of furry manga comic... sorry if that's harsh. It seems like you two aren't really taking each other seriously (and please correct me if I'm wrong).

Yes, you are *shnuggling each other tight* on every sentence, but not enought to do it in person? I dont follow.

and this:

"Her

*sigh*

----------------- Original Message -----------------
Me

Yeah... *sighs* There's those movies where some girl dissapears right? Oh dear... well...now that I know you can't even trust me enough to...even tell me where you live I'm kinda sure we shouldn't do this.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
Her

*shnuggelz* iunno...telling someone where I live... You aren't just someone, you're my boyfriend but the whole idea of telling you where I live... Then those movies and those stories come into my head and it scares me... And honestly, I'm scared of how you'll react now that I've told you and all of that plus this plus what we talked about before worries me...and like, sure they can be overcome but.. Iunno... ;-; *sigh*"

I know I have already mentioned before my opinion, but I would never be in a relationship with someone that cant trust me even with something as simple as their adress.

Any more info you can give us? yours and her ages? how long you talk to each other?

I agree with zapookie, the way you talk, it seemed to me to be more of a role playing game thing than an actual talk. and I didnt feel real commitment there. sorry if Im being harsh as well.

**Engel** · November 25, 2011, 12:31 PM

Also, from previous posts from you, I dont think this is a healthy relationship or she is really commited to you. sounds more like a make-believe thing to keep her distracted.

Originally posted by HerSunflower View Post

I just wanted to post this up because I wanted to know if anyone else has experienced this:
I said hello to my SO, after a couple of minutes of pleasant conversation she suddenly became a tiny bit distance and I could tell she was distracted... she was talking to someone else on facebook. This made me want to leave... so I did. Does anyone else feel like leaving their SO when they're in a conversation with someone else? I feel like maybe it's because I feel like I lack attention and I start to feel neglected... this doesn't happen everyday ofcourse but it does happen frequently enough that I want to know what it is... I can't quite describe the feeling I'm having. It's not jelousy, I'm thinking it's probably guilt from leaving for such a dumb reason... reason being I don't like talking in groups and it feels that way whenever she talks to multiple people online. :/

Has anyone dealt with this?

Originally posted by HerSunflower View Post

Is it wrong to cuddle with other people outside of your relationship?

My girlfriend and I have never had to think on this since I never found out she cuddled with other people until this summer. I somehow brought it up, I can't remember how, it must've been curiosity. "Have you ever cuddled with more than two people at a time?" And she said she had of course but only out of pity for one of the persons. Well I went online as I was concerned about this since I had always thought that cuddling,even online, was something special only couples did and found out that she was someone elses "cuddle buddy". I broke up with her as soon as I saw that because my heart couldn't bare the thought of her touching someone or even having that thought of someone...to call that alright really tore my heart up. She eventually told me after much questioning that it was just because she simply "didn't know it was wrong" like.... I just want to be told by someone other than her and a few others as to what it means. I've been told by some that cuddling doesn't have to hold any attachment so it doesn't mean anything unless the person means to be romantic towards that other person. I have been told that friends can do that simply because they're being playful with each other even if one of them is in a relationship? I don't know if it's just me and I'm wrong...and maybe I need to rethink all of this business because to me it's the worst sort of pain I have endured, to hear her say she's cuddled with someone...or that she thinks it's okay.
But there's something else. I forgave her for it if she promised to NOT cuddle with anyone outside of "us" and to tell me that if she was starting to feel like she couldn't keep that promise to tell me about it so I could help her.
Well, recently this friend of mine who likes me to some degree asked me to cuddle with her to which I replied no but when I asked my girlfriend about what she thought she said I should do it if I was ok with it...and that she was the wrong person to ask? And apparently she tells me that she can't tell me otherwise since that would make her a hypocrit since she cuddled with other people before but I want to know what she thinks in the now, how do I get her to tell me what she really feels? She's such a closed book when it comes to these difficult topics and when it comes to things that she feels ashamed about, I don't know what to do. Help.

sorry, but I see way too many red flags in here.

**Engel** · November 25, 2011, 12:40 PM

Originally posted by Zephii View Post

Three years? I don't know how I missed that o.O I don't think you're wrong to be pushing for a bit more then honestly

Woah! i missed that bit too!

**ChibiFelicia** · November 25, 2011, 12:49 PM

Yeah i have to agree with engel and zapookie on this one, i mean we all talk differently to our SO's but the way you guys communicate is to me a little odd. Do you guys skype?cam? Do you guys actually speak like that over mic too?
Well i'd suggest meeting with family or friends. How old are you two?

**Bethypoo** · November 27, 2011, 09:02 PM

I think all of us second what Zephil's advice.

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Does this scream trust issues?

Does this scream trust issues?

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