My boyfriend is getting an apartment & I'm not happy!

[lonelyinlove]

So my boyfriend has been looking at apartments to move into. He ihas pretty much chose one literally right down thestreet from his parents house. Now one day I'm planning on moving so we can live together. And I DO NOT want to live down the street from his parents hose even though I adore them. When I do move to be with hi I will be hundreds of miles from any of my family! But still Im not really mad bc tht will be HIS place and perhaps when i move we will get a new place.

What im really upset about is that he told his mother that he is moving and that it will be down the street. And her reply was that when i visit I would still need to sleep at the family house! I thought he wouldnt ven consider this but he actually said to me "well i want to respect my mom" We are 23 years old! he suggested that i spend all day and night at his place up until im ready to go to bed then go to the family home by myself! One of the main reason we talked about having a place is finally having privacy and being able to sleep in the SAME bed next to each other!

This is ridiculous!

[Engel]

ouch.
My mother had never let me sleep in a guys house before my SO.

But, like me, I guess she also had the feeling he was going to be different, special.

So, even though she hadnt met him, and I was in Switzerland with her sister when I did meet him, the first weekend I went to Germany, she didnt act like a hypocrite asking me NOT to sleep with him in the same bed. His mother asked if he would sleep on the couch while i slept on his bed, more because of me, and i told him that there was no problem, that we could sleep together, and she said nothing else about it. I was 20, he was 22.



But my situation is different than yours, we will live with my MIL, kinda.

We will build a two floors house, each floor with its own entry, so we cant go inside the house from one floor to the other if you know what i mean. will be like two different houses, except one of them will be on top of the other.


And I think its great! he loves his mother, she loves him, I love her, she loves me, and sure, me and him love each other. she cant wait to be a grandmother and spoil her grandchildren, wich will be umbelievably easier given how our living situation will be, and I am really happy.



Talk with him, does your family know you have sexual relations with him? do youe parents care? I usually see parents of guys usually only go out of their way to please the parents of girls in those situations, because its what they would want them to do in their place, if it was their daughter.

---------- Post added at 03:14 AM ---------- Previous post was at 03:14 AM ----------

ouch.
My mother had never let me sleep in a guys house before my SO.

But, like me, I guess she also had the feeling he was going to be different, special.

So, even though she hadnt met him, and I was in Switzerland with her sister when I did meet him, the first weekend I went to Germany, she didnt act like a hypocrite asking me NOT to sleep with him in the same bed. His mother asked if he would sleep on the couch while i slept on his bed, more because of me, and i told him that there was no problem, that we could sleep together, and she said nothing else about it. I was 20, he was 22.



But my situation is different than yours, we will live with my MIL, kinda.

We will build a two floors house, each floor with its own entry, so we cant go inside the house from one floor to the other if you know what i mean. will be like two different houses, except one of them will be on top of the other.


And I think its great! he loves his mother, she loves him, I love her, she loves me, and sure, me and him love each other. she cant wait to be a grandmother and spoil her grandchildren, wich will be umbelievably easier given how our living situation will be, and I am really happy.



Talk with him, does your family know you have sexual relations with him? do youe parents care? I usually see parents of guys usually only go out of their way to please the parents of girls in those situations, because its what they would want them to do in their place, if it was their daughter.

[Sharon Q]

Wow, Mom needs to let her baby boy go. damn, that's insane. I would be appalled if my parents or his had said anything like that with him having his own place.

It sounds like she is having a heard time letting him leave the nest. Talk to him about this and tell him that he is an adult he can't please mom forever and its not about respecting his mom, his mom doesn't seem to be respecting him.

[Sunnyside193]

I agree with Sharon. Although its nice to see him trying to keep the parents happy you are both adults and this certainly isn't acceptable. Talk to him about it and explain that you are both adults and that it's not respectable to you and him. Unfortunately he is probably going to have to upset his mum but I think you two as a couple need to set boundaries for his parents

[Jgui]

awww that really sucks.. sometimes parents need to learn to let their kids go.. does his parents know you guys are sexually active (i'm assume you are since you sleep in the same bed) do they care or are they religious? talk to him and see if he can talk some sense into his mom into letting him really move out of a house and you stay with him and not go back and forth..

[kat4301]

Sorry to hear this, it took my SO's mother a long time to agree to us sharing a bed. She used to separate us on vacations by sharing a bed with me and making me stay in her room, and then when we first moved in together she asked us to go down to the courthouse and sign a marriage certificate (which did not happen). Anyway, we are now 24 and have been together for a long time and we first shared a bed while visiting his family last year. Maybe you could try just small pushes here and there, like mentioning how you guys will eventually move in together and trying to stay with him in his apartment most of the day. I am hoping she will learn to accept your values over time if you do it in small steps. Also does he have older siblings, I found that when my SO's sisters started pushing their mother's traditional values also, it helped with my situation. Good Luck.

[NaNi]

What??? That sure is ridiculous. I wouldn't go along with that.

[Lumos]

I can understand your SO's point of view. I'm 23, but I'm still in college and dependent on my parents. I value my parents' opinions, and I've always been the type of kid that NEVER gets in trouble.

The first time my SO spent time at our house, my parents set up an air mattress for my boyfriend in another room. The air mattress never got used, but I felt incredibly guilty about it and made him sleep on the floor in my room a few times The second time he stayed with us, my parents didn't even bother.

I'd say just use the excuse that you lost track of time or fell asleep watching tv or something every now and then until his mom gets used to you sleeping there.

[Zephii]

Someone needs to cut the cord man o.O

A assume you put your foot down on this issue and siad "No". Good luck, I hope he comes around soon.

[savoie-truffle]

I know with my ex his mom wanted us to sleep in different rooms and beds even though her teenage daughter had her boyfriend sleepover all the time.. Really weird. It was a religious thing for her I guess she lost the battle with her daughter but still wanted to keep up the fight with her son? Lol on the other hand it really could be a weird mother son thing :P

I know my stepfather is religious and evn after living with a guy for a year we slept in separate rooms at his house so I understand the "under my roof" thing but if he has an entirely different roof there shouldnt really be a debate. If however its actually something your bf believes in them maybe you should respect his wishes.. but at the same time I really think he should want you at his place. It seems like maybe he is still being ruled by his parents wishes.. I wouldnt push it because you would hate to create a divide between him and his family but definitely voice your opinion at least once

Also *hug* I can imagine this is beyond frustrating

[Semperfikindoflove]

Ok I definitely don't agree with him mom considering you are both 23. However, you can't tell him where he can and can't live. While you may be moving away from your family, you know how hard it is. Try to be more understanding about him living near them however, you should definitely tell him how you feel about his mom's rules. Mom's can hurt your relationship if they have the power over their children to make rules regarding the relationship. It happened with my best friend so I sympathize with you. Keep your head up and I'm sure it will get better.