talking to ex's ????

[rusty15]

So my boyfriend is not friends with his ex-gf on facebook, but once every 3-4 months she will message him just to see whats new, I guess. I've seen the convo's nothing over sexual or flirty (they never had sex). She is actually married (has been for 1-2 years) so idk if she is just bored in her life or what but it really bugs me that she still messages him, they dated over 3-4 years ago, like get over it. He never messages her to start to convo's she will message him first. But recently she messaged him asked him if he saw her Halloween pictures?? (I guess she though she looked good but I saw them and she didn't look hot at all lol) and my boyfriend gave her his phone/email to send him the pics! I was really upset, but he didn't reply to her after he saw the pictures.

I was crying and really upset about it and he just said that he was sorry and that the pictures were ugly and that he hasn't talked to her since than and he won't, and he said he is lonely there sometimes and was messaging her back for someone to talk to. He said how he only talks to her when she messages him every 3-4 months or so.

I really want to message her and tell her off. Should I?

That is just so disrespectful to me and that girls husband! WTF.

[snow_girl]

How is it disrespectful to send a friendly catch up email 3 times a year? Clearly she is married and it doesn't seem like she is looking to get anything out of the messages she sends. I have very fond memories of my first boyfriend from high school and every so often I send him an email to see how he is doing. I am not disrespecting my SO by doing so. You don't even know the context behind the photos, maybe they had some inside joke back when they were dating and she thought he would enjoy what she dressed up as, who knows. I wouldn't message her unless you want to come off looking like a psycho jealous girlfriend. If you already talked to your SO about it and he said he'd deal with it then let it go.

[Jgui]

I don't think you have anything to worry about if your boyfriend isn't responding to her messages. I think she is just trying to be friendly and nothing more.

I do t recommend you contacting her directly, instead talk to your boyfriend about what's bothering you and maybe ask him if he could talk to her about the messages.

[elizabethjp2010]

It sounds like theyre just old friends and she just wants to keep the friendship

i mean if she is making advances you should slap da hoe. (lol) but right now it is all friendly

If we like it or not our SO's have connected with people other than us. it might sound harsh but they have and even though they love us in a completely different way than they ever felt about an ex doesnt mean they didnt connect with them.


as far as halloween goes maybe she wasnt trying to be sexy but silly? idk what she wore, thats just an idea and maybe she wanted him to see for other reason than sex.

it kind of sounds like youre over reacting a little (no judgement we all have done it) Unless she starts making advancements just dont sweat it, she obviously loves her husband and cares for the friendship she has with your so....

[SDPersona]

Ditto. I have an ex with whom I exchange messages every once in a while and there is nothing sexual about it. Just a friendly catch up. There is nothing disrespectful about it to me and/or my relationship. If I had to define what it means to be disrespectful then I'd say heavy flirting and not accepting I'm in a relationship and certainly won't do anything that hurts my relationship.
My boyfriend asked me if I still talk or am friends with my exboyfriends and I told him the truth. He wasn't happy, but he is ok with it and trusts me enough to deal with it on my own. That says a lot about our relationship and I am very happy that he trusts me to this extent. I suggest you let that issue go and go stabilize your relationship some more until you feel you have enough trust you won't even feel threatened by things like that. I won't say it isn't easy because it's not, but it's worth the effort.

[lucybelle]

Ditto to SDPersona and snow_girl. It's not disrespectful. Get over it.

[kiara_silver]

It sounds just like friends, and I don't see a reason to "tell her off" That was an ex, so at one point he had feelings for her, so they have some sort of connection like it or not. But from what you said, she's married and only writes him every 3-4 months. So i don't think she means anything by it.
I do see why you would be upset, I get annoyed with girls he talks to and who write to him, and it bugs me, but that's life. There going to have other people in there life, and it's about trust, you have to trust your SO and let him make his own decisions who he talks to and what he wants to do about it.

[rubydissolution]

I don't see the problem with this either. She's not constantly trying to get in contact with him, is married, and has her own life. Every 3-4 months is nothing more then an old friend checking up on life. You need to let this go. Telling her off is not a good idea.

[Bethypoo]

My So gets the same type of calls/texts from his ex to just "see whats up." They were also together for about 5 years and she was engaged but she called off the wedding and wanted my SO back.

I think sometimes they just want the attention. It is annoying and I would be as equally irritated by it. However, that isnt why you are upset. You SO really crossed a line. He just needs to not answer her calls/texts. I mean, he can talk to whoever he wants, but if it is something that is that upsetting to you and in this situation, he really just shouldnt do stuff like that. It causes insecurity issues and then more and more problems and none of this is worth it.

As for calling her, I dont think it is a good idea. Yea, telling her off would feel great, but it is also a very high school move. You need to discuss it with him and let him know that whether it is 1 week or a year, it really just isnt cool when he is okay with getting pictures of her. I mean, a "hey" text is annoying but whatever, he is with you and not her. But everything else needs to be discussed and you need to let him know how it makes you feel and that you will not tolerate it.

[Engel]

How is it disrespectful to send a friendly catch up email 3 times a year? Clearly she is married and it doesn't seem like she is looking to get anything out of the messages she sends. I have very fond memories of my first boyfriend from high school and every so often I send him an email to see how he is doing. I am not disrespecting my SO by doing so. You don't even know the context behind the photos, maybe they had some inside joke back when they were dating and she thought he would enjoy what she dressed up as, who knows. I wouldn't message her unless you want to come off looking like a psycho jealous girlfriend. If you already talked to your SO about it and he said he'd deal with it then let it go.

exactly. I think if done respectfuly, and with no second intentions, a catch up once in a blue moon is completely ok.

She is MARRIED. are you still frightened by her? they have a past, and its nice there are still friendly feelings remaining between them. If she was single and was kind of flirtatious i would understand being upset, but not in this situation.

And she doesnt need to be bored in her life to contact someone.

[Minerva]

My SO is still friends with his CURRENT wife (they have to wait 2 years to get divorced as the UK doesn't have no fault divorce). I'm proud to be with a man who would rather salvage a friendship out of a sad situation then burn his bridges. I love him all the more for it.

There is nothing wrong with catching up with old friends or ex's. Most people do it at some point or another. Sending her a note telling her to back off is childish. Even if she was coming on to your SO, he's not your property, don't be that psycho insecure girlfriend. Trust your SO and talk to your SO if it bothers you. Leave her out of it.

[Zapookie]

I don't think it's disrespectful. Disrespectful is her flirting with him and being sexual while she knows your boyfriend is with you. She isn't doing that. She is simply catching up and he might even feel obliged to talk to her seeing as they used to date.

Maybe they are still friends. It doesn't hurt to catch up with people you used to talk to/date as long as there's nothing else going on. You cannot control who your SO talks to as well.

Don't send her any messages because it makes you look bad, not her.

[Rugger]

How is it disrespectful to send a friendly catch up email 3 times a year? Clearly she is married and it doesn't seem like she is looking to get anything out of the messages she sends. I have very fond memories of my first boyfriend from high school and every so often I send him an email to see how he is doing. I am not disrespecting my SO by doing so. You don't even know the context behind the photos, maybe they had some inside joke back when they were dating and she thought he would enjoy what she dressed up as, who knows. I wouldn't message her unless you want to come off looking like a psycho jealous girlfriend. If you already talked to your SO about it and he said he'd deal with it then let it go.

This. I still have exes I like to catch up with once in awhile. They were a part of my life. Like it our not, your SO has ex-girlfriends, but he wouldn't be the same person without them. You are going to come off as jealous and desperate if you try to get in contact with her, not to mention immature and clingy.
You need to accept that there were women in his life before you, and there will most likely be women after you if you don't knock it off.

[Andrea1978]

First I would not message her and tell her off that will just make you look jealous and possessive. Second it's nothing but friendly chat back and forth. I have one ex I am still good friends with. We keep in touch online and will even discuss who we are dating and ask for advice from each other. There is nothing there. We just didn't work as a couple, we are better at being friends.

If it really bothers you then talk to him calmly and explain it. She only contacts him a few times a year, that isn't all that much. I would just be calm and if something bothers you just talk to him but don't make it seem like you are attacking or accusing him of something.

[floridaellen]

My SO doesn't have any exs but if he had one, I think I'd be okay with the situation you described. As long as she wasn't actually hitting on him, it's just a friendly catch-up.
I wouldn't tell her off; it would just cause unnecessary drama.