The Challenges of College LDRs

[megfashion]

everything sometimes :P no dramatisation there honest

so there is time. when he is not here, he is either working, singing in the 5 choirs he has joined, doing bellringing or going out with friends... so when he is at uni, we talk properly probably about once or twice a week.

when he comes back, i have to revise. he is back for christmas, i am revising for exams thatd then happen in a months time. he is back for easter, and again i have to revise.

personal issues... my gparents are quite ill (cba to talk about it) so if i needed him, its not exactly like he can get here asap. itd cost him about 60-100 quid there n back.



PLUS

when he is on his placement year (the year where he IS NOT AT UNI), i am going to be at uni. so therefore there is hardly any break.



complicated :P

[acrf92]

I could probably write a novel on this topic so I'll try to keep it simple with bullet points. A lot has already been mentioned but a lot of our issues have not and I'd like to find out if these are unique to our relationship.

-schedules (of course): as mentioned, this ranges from differing class schedules combined with the difficulties of us both working part-time while being full-time students. This also entails school break conflicts- like if he has to start the school year before I do or has a longer/shorter winter break than my school etc.

-living situation: by this I mean, my SO has dormed freshman and sophomore year. He plans to rent an apartment with 3 other guys next year. I on the other hand will be living at home for the duration of my bachelors degree education. This can be a huge source of tension in our relationship. For example, it's "normal" for people that live on campus to have their doors wide open all hours with "friends" popping in at anytime. He is always out and about with friends traveling to the town over for shopping etc. You just make more friends living on campus in general. I on the other hand find myself nearly in a frozen high-school-like-state by commuting to and from school daily. I attend my classes and then I come home to do homework, have dinner, etc. It's just so different. And it's so hard to see his side. His living situation makes me feel more cut out of his life than ever. Things are constantly in flux for him. Always changing. He doesn't have to contend with that. My life is the same as it was when he went off to college...

-social life: this ties into the above category but is slightly different... Like I mentioned, I live at home. So he has no concerns of me going out "partying" or bringing random people back to my room etc. But I do. And I'm not talking just the worry that HE would do something horrible like that but I have had to contend with his roommates dragging drunk girls back to their shared room. My SO felt powerless as it is just as much his roommates' room as it is his so he was scared to speak up as to the inappropriateness of the situation. I also have to deal with his roommates bringing alcohol into the apartment/dorm room and his new found opinions on the matter (he seems to think as long as you're not getting drunk there's no problem) while I find no value for the substance whatsoever. When we were in high school it was so easy for him to swear his abstinence with alcohol and drugs and tobacco but once college hits it's a whole different ball game. But MY values haven't changed just like everything else in my life...

I'm going to stop here as not to be rambling and since these are the major challenges we deal with. I'd love to hear if anyone else here struggles with these as well.

[ashleecarol]

As many have mentioned, different schedules are a big one. He'll have class when I don't and I'll have class when he doesn't. Study groups, time to study (do homework) on our own, etc. Also, with two different universities, our breaks/exams tend to happen at different times. It has been very challenging. It is about to get much harder for us once I start nursing school in the fall. We have had huge conversations about it and will keep having them to reassure ourselves that we can make it through. It is only 2 more years for me and he graduates next year. We've made it work this far and we not going to give up for anything.

Social life usually isn't a problem for us because we are both so busy studying or doing homework or preparing for an upcoming exam that neither of us really go out much. Therefore, when one of us does say, "hey, I am going to go to a party this weekend" or "I am going to have a bro-day/girls-day with friends tomorrow" it is a once-in-a-blue-moon thing and we never say "no" to one another. We know we deserve it and it can get pretty intense. We always make sure that if we have a few days where our heads aren't wrapped up in books, we take time for each other. One thing we've done that has actually been nice for both of us is we will get on Skype and study together. We don't say much, it is just the fact of knowing they are there We both have our books out and go about doing what we'd normally do in private. It takes some of the tension off, that way if we need to take a break in studying, we just talk to one another or we'll play a few rounds of Mario Kart on Wii lol

[xopookie]

Visits during semesters are hard.

In my case, I study to become an industrial designer and he'll major in arts. Both of us have LOADS of time-consuming homeworks and we get huuuuge projects for partials! So it becomes really hard. He visited in october last year; I was not only in partials but I also had presentations of a book I had illustrated and was getting published. This semester I went to visit him in March and he had a reasearch to do plus etching projects that had to be ready to be exposed at some museum. You get the idea... we get no social life other than between us during those visits and we get very few sleep too. Although there is an advantage...we can help each other in certain projects :P and it can sound boring but it can get pretty romantic.

Oh there is something more here...we also have different schedules for vacations and stuff. Usually I am the one to go first on vacation and to go back. The days I wait until he's out of vacation so we can chat normally or get a visit are stressy.

...oh and we don't get time to work and get out own money :/ that's kind of frustrating too.

Wow, what school do you go to?! That sounds pretty intense but a reputable school where they can prepare you for a legit career in the arts

[xopookie]

Hmm. Our main challenges are because he is in University right now to be an Engineer, and I am taking a couple of years off of school. Because of this, I have all the time in the world to think about him, make him presents and surprises and stuff... Basically, my whole attention is focused on him. He literally can´t spend all his time thinking about me though, and it used to cause a lot of fights between us, because it always felt like "he cared less for me." Also, when he is sleep deprived or hungry, he is a monster. He´s like a five year old throwing a temper tantrum, except with power over my emotions. It´s insane trying to be nice to him when he says mean things unintentionally.

But most importantly, the worst part is when he has exams. Some nights, honestly, a hug would be all it would take to make him feel better with his crazy work load. Just knowing I was there to fall asleep with at night, and that I was there supporting him, maybe bringing him some food... It would make his life so much easier.

I think when he has those nights the best thing to do is call up some restaurants and have food delivered to his place especially with pizza! It's a hit and take your romance level up a notch You can check out my thread too https://members.lovingfromadistance....202#post221202

[Kristin91]

When my SO and I were at separate schools (I'm transferring this fall) the hardest thing for us was making time for each other. We're both engineering majors, and because we were at different schools our schedules were very different. The great thing was our vacations were different, so we got to see each other twice as much (he'd come down on his break, and I'd go up on mine) as if we both had the same break schedule.

[patrickturner]

Long distance relationships can indeed be a problem.The difficulties that I face are, whenever i have my summer break,my partner has her exams going on or holidays do not coincide.Thus we cannot meet often and often end up fighting on petty issues

[FlyHome2Me]

For me, the hardest thing is constantly having to adjust between being together and not. We're not far enough to be long long distance, but certainly not close enough either (neither of us can drive). We have to constantly make the adjustment between being a healthy, "normal" relationship, and being a healthy LDR. We find ourselves getting whiplash all the time over it, like we're not sure what we are!

[11MikesGirl21]

For me, the hardest thing is constantly having to adjust between being together and not. We're not far enough to be long long distance, but certainly not close enough either (neither of us can drive). We have to constantly make the adjustment between being a healthy, "normal" relationship, and being a healthy LDR. We find ourselves getting whiplash all the time over it, like we're not sure what we are!

Same here. Being home almost once a month despite being eight hours away by car or an hour by plane because that's how breaks work out is really weird!

[vijaaa]

i'm terrified that he'll find someone else, or won't stick around.
i am soo scared we might drift apart. i dont know, i'm a wreck about all of it /:

[Amelia]

I assume university is the same as college, the biggest issue I'm struggling with and have been struggling with for now 3 years is the girls that live in his college on campus. Every year a new bunch of girls come along every semester a new bunch of Americans come along (not being slack to Americans). I am friends with his friends on his college and they tell me that he is attracting a lot of attention from some of these new girls. I know he would never cheat on me but these girls are extremely flirty especially the Americans because I guess they are here for a short time and don't have to commit. This semester there is one American girl who is just pushing my buttons, in recent fb photos she is always next to him or in the background looking at him, her display pic on fb is of her and my bf and apparently it's her mobile phone background. He thinks she just likes the pic and it's just a coincidence that she happens to be around. Help I don't know why she is doing this let alone how to stop it. I know it may seem like I'm hating on Americans but I'm not I like Americans just some of these girls are really frustrating

[tanaquil]

Differences in different types of universities/different levels. /:

I'm still an undergrad and my boyfriend is just starting grad school.

It's his first day and, already, he has 4 exams this week so I'm guessing he'll be super busy and there will be communication issues!

[Dustin]

I am not in college yet, but my boyfriend will be moving into his college dorms tomorrow. We are three hours apart, and his schedule will be very different than mine. I have a lot of down time because I go to online school and can work at my own pace at work. Him, on the other hand, well, he will have exams, homework, etc. that must be completed at a certain time. He will need to study more than I do, and the time difference definitely doesn't help. It will mean I have to stay up later to talk to him. I am three hours ahead of him. So by the time he has certain classes my day will be halfway over. I guess these would be the biggest things.

-Time difference
-Different schedules
-A whole new set of worries setting in.

[ashleecarol]

Having to leave one another again to begin the semester My SO just left today and we both start classes tomorrow. We feel so out-of-place to go back to this kind of environment and not have one another, especially since we spent 2 weeks together. You start to get use to that person being there and then things change back to what they were before

[Yaaamiii]

Lol move in weekend. Sucks so bad. I haven't really talked to my SO since Thursday night. :/.