college+longer distance or stay?

[Keyk]

Hello everyone,

Just need a little advice, I am completely in a wall here. I am currently thinking of two choices here:

1. Go to college in a different country and pursue a better degree/career in a few years or
2. Stay and have a lesser degree first then go back to college to have higher education and better degree/career in more years.

Me and my SO have been together for over 2yrs now and we are both in college. We both are staying in the opposite sides of the country so it is a 3hr difference. Lately, I have been thinking of changing courses. My mom suggested me something and I thought it would be great. So we were looking for schools and she told me about a school in a different country because some of her friends went there too and are now successful in their careers. I'm thinking of doing the same but problem is if I do I would be farther away from my SO. It would be 12hr difference.

I am afraid of moving even farther away from him because we might loose communication. If I do go away I will be finished with college in a few years and be able to come back and maybe even be able to live with him because by then I would be able to support myself. Only, if I do go away we would both wait for about 3-5 years depending on how well I do and how much I can do. If I stay it would take longer for me to support myself and get a better job. Another thing is that he said whatever I decide he will fully support me but if I go away he wouldn't be too happy about it because it would be farther away than we already are.

I'm not sure which one I should pick. For those who experienced this or are experiencing right now or might in the future, would it be harder? Would it hurt the relationship? Does anyone have tips on how to communicate in a 12hr difference? And on your opinion, if you were in the same situation which would you pick? Which is more reasonable to pick?

I already know that the most reasonable one to pick would be going away to college but it would be very risky and I understand that LDRs are very fragile. But is it ok to be a little selfish and want to be with my SO and sacrifice some things like not going?

Any advice would be helpful and any encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

[dglynn77]

As far as deciding: it is YOUR future. You need to decide what you want, and what you want to work towards.
I am answering this because I am dealing with a 12 hour time difference. It sucks. But you can make it work. When it started I did not think it would work, but we both compromise, make time to be together, and get less sleep than we would like, but our relationship has grown stronger and better in spite of the distance and time difference.
Most days it seems like he is waking up when I am going to sleep, and vice versa. Also, if you both have classes/full-time jobs as we do, you will just have to be creative
Anyways, I guess I'm just here to say about the time difference it will be difficult (obviously ) but you CAN make it work!

Best of luck to you as you make your decisions!

[Keyk]

As far as deciding: it is YOUR future. You need to decide what you want, and what you want to work towards.
I am answering this because I am dealing with a 12 hour time difference. It sucks. But you can make it work. When it started I did not think it would work, but we both compromise, make time to be together, and get less sleep than we would like, but our relationship has grown stronger and better in spite of the distance and time difference.
Most days it seems like he is waking up when I am going to sleep, and vice versa. Also, if you both have classes/full-time jobs as we do, you will just have to be creative
Anyways, I guess I'm just here to say about the time difference it will be difficult (obviously ) but you CAN make it work!

Best of luck to you as you make your decisions!

I kind of know the feeling that is why I'm worried about it. I went on vacation before and it was also a 12hr difference and it was almost impossible to speak to each other. I'm glad though that you made a way to make it work. I just don't want him to feel miserable like that again.

[Amelia]

i will be dealing with a situation similar to yours probably in the next year.. as i will be either going to america or England to teach for a year which is further away from my SO. I have had great discussions with him about it, about the consequences of me going and about our relationship. Its a hard decision to make but he understands that its whats best for me.
You need to make a decision that you wont regret, don't follow your dreams or chances to get a better education leading to a better career for someone, i know that sounds really bad but its true. If your SO supports you then trust that support, trust that he will put in effort to maintain communication and trust that he loves you and he wants what is best for you.
We know that a LDR is possible with a great time difference of 12 hours, there is evidence in the members of this page and no matter what there is always support here as well
Goodluck

[Kristin91]

For those who experienced this or are experiencing right now or might in the future, would it be harder? Would it hurt the relationship? Does anyone have tips on how to communicate in a 12hr difference? And on your opinion, if you were in the same situation which would you pick? Which is more reasonable to pick?

My SO and I went through a similar situation a couple summers ago where I had an opportunity to have an internship, but it meant we'd be long distance for the summer when we could otherwise be CD. He was upset (and probably a little jealous) that I'd be so far away, but he encouraged me to take it anyway. I also knew that if I didn't take it, I would later regret it. The two of you are already long distance, so would being further away hurt your relationship that much? I know it's a hard decision to make, but you have to make the right decision for you because if something happened to your relationship later down the road and you had stayed for him, you'd regret not going. It sounds like a great opportunity in your field, but do you think it's worth it? It's really your choice.

As for the twelve hour time difference part of your question, I have zero experience with that so I'll leave that up to someone else.

Good luck in making your decision!

[Sora1101]

I think you should go away to college, sure it'll be a huge strain on your relationship but you need to do what's best for you. What happens if you and your SO break up down the road and now you're stuck with staying in school longer and probably not as good of a resume, think of how great an impact this other school will be, your future employers would most likely pick someone who trained at the best place possible right? And would you really rather be LD longer with a shorter time difference or LD shorter with a bigger time difference? There are plenty of people on here who deal with huge time differences and make it through so I'm sure you can too.

I think if your SO truly cares about you he'll support you in going away, he'll be there for you when you return, it's what's best for your future and you shouldn't let anyone hold you back from doing what is right for you. Take it from me I faced this same kind of decision earlier this year, I was supposed to close the distance with my SO in may after I graduated high school but then I got a full ride scholarship to a community college and I wasn't going to take it because I really wanted to be with my SO. But he sat me down and told me how big of an opportunity this was for me and how he couldn't just sit back and watch me throw away a chance at a better life just for him. So here I am typing this up in my college dorm room and my classes start tomorrow.

My SO was willing to put off our closing the distance plans for 2 whole years just so that I could have a better life. That is something someone who loves you will do, no matter what the sacrifices are they will always put your well being ahead of their own desires.

[Keyk]

My SO and I went through a similar situation a couple summers ago where I had an opportunity to have an internship, but it meant we'd be long distance for the summer when we could otherwise be CD. He was upset (and probably a little jealous) that I'd be so far away, but he encouraged me to take it anyway. I also knew that if I didn't take it, I would later regret it. The two of you are already long distance, so would being further away hurt your relationship that much? I know it's a hard decision to make, but you have to make the right decision for you because if something happened to your relationship later down the road and you had stayed for him, you'd regret not going. It sounds like a great opportunity in your field, but do you think it's worth it? It's really your choice.

As for the twelve hour time difference part of your question, I have zero experience with that so I'll leave that up to someone else.

Good luck in making your decision!

I'm glad that I'm not the only one who will be experiencing this.

I think you should go away to college, sure it'll be a huge strain on your relationship but you need to do what's best for you. What happens if you and your SO break up down the road and now you're stuck with staying in school longer and probably not as good of a resume, think of how great an impact this other school will be, your future employers would most likely pick someone who trained at the best place possible right? And would you really rather be LD longer with a shorter time difference or LD shorter with a bigger time difference? There are plenty of people on here who deal with huge time differences and make it through so I'm sure you can too.

I think if your SO truly cares about you he'll support you in going away, he'll be there for you when you return, it's what's best for your future and you shouldn't let anyone hold you back from doing what is right for you. Take it from me I faced this same kind of decision earlier this year, I was supposed to close the distance with my SO in may after I graduated high school but then I got a full ride scholarship to a community college and I wasn't going to take it because I really wanted to be with my SO. But he sat me down and told me how big of an opportunity this was for me and how he couldn't just sit back and watch me throw away a chance at a better life just for him. So here I am typing this up in my college dorm room and my classes start tomorrow.

My SO was willing to put off our closing the distance plans for 2 whole years just so that I could have a better life. That is something someone who loves you will do, no matter what the sacrifices are they will always put your well being ahead of their own desires.

I'm happy for you but how did you cope with it from the beginning?

i will be dealing with a situation similar to yours probably in the next year.. as i will be either going to america or England to teach for a year which is further away from my SO. I have had great discussions with him about it, about the consequences of me going and about our relationship. Its a hard decision to make but he understands that its whats best for me.
You need to make a decision that you wont regret, don't follow your dreams or chances to get a better education leading to a better career for someone, i know that sounds really bad but its true. If your SO supports you then trust that support, trust that he will put in effort to maintain communication and trust that he loves you and he wants what is best for you.
We know that a LDR is possible with a great time difference of 12 hours, there is evidence in the members of this page and no matter what there is always support here as well
Goodluck

Your right about no matter how the distance its still a LDR.


I'm glad that there are people who have made it through this and there are those who are going through this. You all are right LDR where ever you are is still LDR, just there are some that are a bit harder than the rest because of the time. I think for now I will think about it more and talk with him about.
Thanks for all your advices Good luck to us all

[Zephii]

I personally don't see any guarantee that going away for college would get you into your career faster. Granted, it does look really good on a resume if you can say you've lived and studied/worked abroad. But with jobs the way they are... I just don't know how much of a sure thing going away for college would actually turn out to be for your future.

I also find it strange that so many people think they will be unable to support themselves without a college education. Don't get me wrong, education is great! Ambition is important. But it's a myth that you can't live without it or that you can't work your way up slowly.

I personally would not deliberately take any course of action that would extend a LDR. I struggle to understand why people do; I have indefinitely post-ponied tertiary study to be with my SO (so I guess that makes my experience the other side of the fence?). But then, I'm not overly career focused, I don't mind if I don't have a career until my kids are in school or whatever. I tend to think that there's often a way to have both the things you want - education and him - if you look hard enough.

With all that said, it's dumb for us to make choices for our lives based on the lives of others - especially our boyfriends because sadly, lovers come and go. There's nothing to say he'll still be with you in 5 years, and then where would you be? Regretting not getting the additional education. So when you make your decision, do your best not to burn any bridges, no matter which way you go

Goodluck!

[Keyk]

I personally don't see any guarantee that going away for college would get you into your career faster. Granted, it does look really good on a resume if you can say you've lived and studied/worked abroad. But with jobs the way they are... I just don't know how much of a sure thing going away for college would actually turn out to be for your future.

I also find it strange that so many people think they will be unable to support themselves without a college education. Don't get me wrong, education is great! Ambition is important. But it's a myth that you can't live without it or that you can't work your way up slowly.

I personally would not deliberately take any course of action that would extend a LDR. I struggle to understand why people do; I have indefinitely post-ponied tertiary study to be with my SO (so I guess that makes my experience the other side of the fence?). But then, I'm not overly career focused, I don't mind if I don't have a career until my kids are in school or whatever. I tend to think that there's often a way to have both the things you want - education and him - if you look hard enough.

With all that said, it's dumb for us to make choices for our lives based on the lives of others - especially our boyfriends because sadly, lovers come and go. There's nothing to say he'll still be with you in 5 years, and then where would you be? Regretting not getting the additional education. So when you make your decision, do your best not to burn any bridges, no matter which way you go

Goodluck!

Thanks for you opinion on the topic, it was nice knowing someone who did the other option and see it working out for you

[Sora1101]

To tell you the truth it took me a long time to come to terms with my decision, I cried about it for weeks and almost convinced myself to not turn in the scholarship paperwork but I knew my SO would be furious with me if I sabotaged myself. So after I cried it out the only thing left to do was move forward and do everything in my power to make it worth it. I told my SO that if we're doing this for 2 more years that I want more visits and when the 2 years are up he better be prepared for me to move in because I'm not waiting a day longer. Even now I still cry when I think about it, and I wonder if I made the right choice but in the end I've decided to finish this for me, I want to prove to myself that I am strong enough, that my relationship is strong enough, and that the love my SO and I have for each other is strong enough.

[Keyk]

To tell you the truth it took me a long time to come to terms with my decision, I cried about it for weeks and almost convinced myself to not turn in the scholarship paperwork but I knew my SO would be furious with me if I sabotaged myself. So after I cried it out the only thing left to do was move forward and do everything in my power to make it worth it. I told my SO that if we're doing this for 2 more years that I want more visits and when the 2 years are up he better be prepared for me to move in because I'm not waiting a day longer. Even now I still cry when I think about it, and I wonder if I made the right choice but in the end I've decided to finish this for me, I want to prove to myself that I am strong enough, that my relationship is strong enough, and that the love my SO and I have for each other is strong enough.

Thats a very good example for me. I also want to prove that our relationship is strong. Thank you for sharing your experience with me

[Rrebeccanelson]

My boyfriend was in the same situaion you are in. He was either going to stay so he could be with me since im still in high school, or go to college 4 hours away and then go into the aarmy which he has been planning his whole life. I told him not to change everything just because of me. Go to college and keep your relationship going. Distance makes love grow stronger, and if you both are honest and loyal to eachother while apart, you can be together happily in the future, and have a good job. College will shape your future, so you should really go to school

[Sora1101]

Thats a very good example for me. I also want to prove that our relationship is strong. Thank you for sharing your experience with me

Of course. I happily share whatever I can if means I can help others. I know I could have used some advice on this topic when I first made my decision so I was determined to help.