College is changing my girlfriend's personality

[kamakanaola]

So my LDR girlfriend of 2 years graduated from high school and went off to college at WSU last month. I've been attending UHM here in Hawaii for the last 4 years. When we were both together this summer (We're both originally from Maui), we decided to continue on with our relationship and make things work as best as we can. One of the last things she said to me was that things aren't gonna change, it'll all be the same. I half-agreed with her, but the other half knew better.

One thing I've learned in college is that it changes people, a lot! I never drank before college, but my freshman semester was almost entirely spent getting drunk and going to parties. Granted, now I have long since learned my lesson and no longer indulge.

However, now my girlfriend is going through the exact same thing. She never used to drink, but now it seems like she doesn't have a weekend without partying or drinking. It hasn't gotten to the point where she does something stupid or detrimental to our relationship (and I don't think it ever will). But I can't help but think to myself: is this the new her? I see myself marrying this girl someday, but with what has been happening lately, It seems like that day is very far off.

I need advice. How can I either cope with the change of her personality or how can I let her know that I don't agree with the lifestyle she is choosing at the moment?

[oneaussieboy]

First of all, you said yourself that you also went through that phase, as I'm sure most college kids do. Do you feel like it massively changed your personality?

I'm four years older than my SO, and at least a year past my binge-drinking party days while she's just coming up on hers. I've worried about the effect her drinking would have, but I knew if I said, "Look, I think you're being reckless and you should slow down a bit," it was only going to alienate her and make me look like every other older influence in her life telling her she shouldn't drink and blah blah blah. Realistically, everyone that age is going to experiment with alcohol (and statistically drugs too). The large majority of people get over it. It just takes a bit of time. To be honest I wouldn't start to worry unless it actually starts to affect your relationship.

If you feel like you absolutely have to say something, whatever you do, make sure there's no possible way she can see it as you asking her to stop what she's doing. Tell her why it worries you, and hopefully she'll make the decision for herself.

[Honour]

When my other half started high school again in the Junior year following a year of home schooling, and I started in university, we both went through this phase where we were extremely anxious. I got a little reckless I'll admit, drinking more than I should have done when I went out with friends on a couple of occasions and ending up quite tipsy. Needless to say, Chris was not that impressed when he found out, but the whole uni thing was new to me and I enjoyed the student life. I was also worried for him, and for myself, but that phase passed after I drank more than a little too much and was sick for a whole weekend

I would discuss your anxieties with her, telling her how you feel. Tell her you're worried about her attitude, that you're not sure why she's doing this. She's probably just enjoying student life a little too much, but you never know. Ask her and see what she says.

[reeseismypiece]

This reminds me of my sister. Though I have more hope that its a phase for your girlfriend than I do my sis! haha.

I would say she's just experiencing what it's like to be in college and have that ability to go off and do whatever you want. When your in college you get freedom and people celebrate that in different ways, for me, its just been having the ability to go see my SO and be with him, for others its partying, drinking, etc etc. Sometimes its harmless if the person is responsible enough to control themselves, other times its not.

Like the others say, talk to her about it if your truly worried, and especially if it becomes way too out of control. If you feel its getting out of hand you may want to consider asking her to just stay home for the night and talk with you. I think it won't be the "new her" but you never know, so I'd be cautious but also understand that she's young still and that this is the time that partying and drinking can be "acceptable".

Good luck and I hope everything works out for you and her.

[SonyaKitty]

It's a phase, you had the same thing. She has Temporarily changed. For now just try to put up with this little change and know that just drinking is not Necessarily a bad thing. She's more outgoing ,that is a good thing.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Just as you've had an opportunity to go through these life experiences, so does she. You said you had "long since learned your lesson" - She needs to be able to learn hers. I'm not trying to be an advocate of binge-drinking, but you need to allow her the same space to experience these things for herself. If you trust her to behave in a way that isn't detrimental to your relationship, then she can't have changed too much.

[ams.201220]

Alright, so I'm also a recent graduate from high school and I'm also in my first year of college. Drinking and partying just comes with the territory. And if you went through that phase, and you didn't change drastically, then you need to understand that she's in the same situation. But from the information you've given, you're referring to her social habits, not her personality.

And if she's just drinking more, and not doing anything detrimental to your relationship, then she's probably just exploring some new found freedom. If you're worried that she's going to do something stupid, just talk to her about texting or calling you before and/or after the party. But don't act like a mother and tell her to stop, just express some concern and let her make the decision of what she wants to do.

[SoFarAway]

WELL... I went to Michigan State, and what i saw there was just horrible. But hey, it was Michigan State. I don't want to scare you off, but freshmen year parties were life changing. It destroyed sooooo many relationships and lives. BUT it also showed me that when the love is strong enough, you can make actually make it. My relationship lasted for four years, so there are also happy endings... Well, more or less.
Anyways, college does change people a lot. Same here, and I don't want to miss a single day of it. But if your girlfriend has a strong character and truly loves you, you guys will make it through college.
To answer your BIG question: no, neither you or your SO will remain being those ridiculous drunks. There is a time where you can try everything. It is called college. Let her go through the experience and as soon as she starts a career, she will settle down and become "marriage material" again