How can I tell if I'm sacrificing too much?

[TrishaMarie]

Me and my boyfriend are both 19 and have been together for about a year and a half. He goes to school in north florida while im in south florida, about 500 miles apart. I absolutely hate the school im at now and plan on transferring after next semester. Only problem is that I am applying to nursing school and its very competitive so I have no idea where I will get in. We started dating after going together to prom senior year of high school and after that he moved out of state which was very hard. He did come back to florida the next year but still 500 miles away because he was willing to come back but still to a school he wanted to go to. If he wasnt willing to go to just any school for him should I follow him? Its a slim chance i get into the school hes going to but if I do it could close the LD but at what cost? What if he breaks up with me? which is my dads main concern. I applied to the school before so it was one of my choices. The thing is, is that its very far away from my home and I dont know if I would get homesick. I cant tell if I want to go there for me or for him because I want to be with him more than anything.

any advice?

[Verojoon]

My honest opinion? Don't go to a school just to be with him... That being said, if it was a school you were planning to anyways, why not give it a try? But keep your other options open too!! Don't put all your eggs in one baskets...

[snow_girl]

You should go where you have the best chance of getting into nursing. Don't go somewhere for anyone else, because if you end up breaking up or whatever, you want to know you have yourself taken care of first. Long distance sucks but don't accept less then what you are capable of, if you can get into a great school then do it.

[TrishaMarie]

You should go where you have the best chance of getting into nursing. Don't go somewhere for anyone else, because if you end up breaking up or whatever, you want to know you have yourself taken care of first. Long distance sucks but don't accept less then what you are capable of, if you can get into a great school then do it.

The nursing school at his school is one of the best in the state so its not like I am lowering my standards of schools. My academics is my top priority. Moving there would have no effect on my career path. I just don't want to feel like I am giving in. But if i do get in and i don't go it would be like a slap in the face to him and I would wonder what if forever because I want to be with him. I dont even know if ill get in at all but If i do i dont know if thats too big of a sacrifice.

[Hololz]

My boyfriend moved to my university to be with me (to do nursing actually :P). At first I was very hesitant. I didn't want him to resent me if things didn't work out. I told him I had no problem with him looking at other schools, but he insisted this was where he wanted to be. Lately I asked him about his decision to move up here and he simply said "I wouldn't have done it if I didn't want to". It's worked for the best for us in the end (3 years on!), he's almost graduated! As long as you make the best decision for YOU then you are not sacrificing anything.

[ams.201220]

Hello! My boyfriend and I are both 18, and I met him over the summer. He moved back a month after we had been together and that's when out LDR started. I ended up going to college and he's joining the marines. But I didn't transfer to a college near him, because it's my life, first and foremost. Someone once told me that to be in a good relationship, it's important that you have your interests, he has his interests, and you have interests together. I really think you need to apply to a college that is good for you. If he loves you the way he claims to, he will understand and won't mind the distance. And because you're both in-state, you can always make weekend trips once or twice a month to visit him. There are ways around this, but you both need to just be committed.

[Hololz]

Something I forgot to mention in my previous post (promted by the post above me). The reason we were able to make it work is becuase we both had our own lives and whilst we were privillaged enough to see each other fairly regularly (once a week or so) neither of us relied on the other for anything. Of course we both gave each other support when it was needed etc, but he wasnt my only source of support, I had other friends and he had other friends. If you do decide to move to the same school you need to make sure you build your own life there to, not just one that revolves around his. Therefore, if things did ever end up going south you would each have you own support networks and your own lives that you could enjoy seperatley of one another.

[digitalfever]

Don't build your life around another person. Consider them in your decisions but make sure that when you make choices you always think "Would I go to this school if I were single?" etc... Do whats best for you as an individual ALWAYS.

[dukes2011]

Don't build your life around another person. Consider them in your decisions but make sure that when you make choices you always think "Would I go to this school if I were single?" etc... Do whats best for you as an individual ALWAYS.

Agree 100%. I made the difficult decision to go to New York for grad school when he had a job lined up in Virginia. I could have waited another year and reapplied to schools in Maryland where I'm from (2 hours from my SO), but I used the logic posted above. I didn't want to look back and regret not going to New York. Since the program at your SO's school is great, I'd definitely consider it if you know you'd be happy there. Also, I'd say go with your gut feeling. That little voice inside your head is almost always right! Good luck and feel free to PM me if you want to talk further!

[TrishaMarie]

The hard part is that I don't have a whats best for me. Im applying to about 4 big schools and a few back-ups. I will be making a "new" life where ever go. I think im most nervous about moving away from my hometown. Its like that secure bubble. Although lets say I get into his school and a few other big ones is it wrong to account my happiness vs. depression in my move?

To digitalfever: You say make the decision as if i were single but I dont know where I would go. Plus, shouldnt I take into account that it would be going out of my way to be unhappy to go to a school thats far from him. I cant tell if its wrong to pick my happiness before i know how itll be if I do move up there. If we fight I wouldnt have my friends like at home. Im afraid of being too dependent on him. At the same time we never fight when we are together even for long periods of time (four months of summer), but away we fight a lot more and mainly about when and if the distance will ever close.

He loves me and I love him but realistically I also feel like if I dont go there then we will be in a 4 year LDR which is wayyyy too long. We will probably not be able to stay together because we both have a fear of the future.

[Kiyama]

No one can make this decision for you really but I agree that four years of long distance are too long. How often would you be able to see each other if you go to another school? If visits can be regular then I don't think it's a big deal but if you could only see each other every few months or so then it looks different. I've been ld for a year now and I'm struggling with it, especially since it could be another year or longer until we can be together and it sucks!
If the school in your SO's town would be an option for you if you were single then I would go for it

[Tooki]

I feel that you are taking the advice in the wrong way, in regards to thinking that you would be going out of your way to be unhappy by not going to your SO's school. What people have said (and I echo this) is that you need to go to the best school, irregardless of your SO. You said yourself that your academic results are your top priority, so do that in regards to selecting the school that you want to transfer to. Don't sacrifice your future options for a man that MIGHT NOT be there by the time you graduate from school.

You also said that his college's nursing school is one of the best in the state. If that is so, go to his school. If you can see yourself going to his school without him there, then go all in.

[Dove87]

I am thinking about moving in with my bf... to go to a college where he lives. Go check out my post.

[meowth812]

I agree with what most of the others have said. You should focus on your personal goals, even if you must make a few sacrifices in your romantic life along the way. For me, I had a choice to stay with my SO and work at a menial job and postpone my education (perhaps for years), or move 800 miles away and continue my education. Because continuing my education had been a goal of mine for a while, and because the opportunity was good, I took it. I've heard many others in my life say that they wished they had put education first, so I heeded that advice. My SO agreed 100% that I should do this, and he put it on himself to try to close the gap by either saving up money at his current job or applying for job transfers. When I want to quit and move back home, he reminds me that my education is most important.

It's hard, but unfortunately, it is what a lot of people continuing their education have to deal with. Fortunately, it pays off -- not only do you get into a career that you are passionate about, but you get to live a more comfortable life with your SO in the end. It's just a matter of working through the harder parts.

Go ahead and apply for the school in his area and many others as well. Many others. I ended up 800 miles away because I didn't apply for enough schools around where he and I used to live, and it bit me in the butt when I got my rejection letter to the local university. I could have ended up with a much shorter gap to close had I not put all of my eggs in one basket. But all in all, we're working through the obstacle, and I'm getting an education, so we have faith that it will turn out.

Good luck!

[Alsfia]

I would currently be at my last year in upper secondary but I have decided to postpone my graduation for half a year so I can spend a gap year with my SO. I think I finally have figured out what I want to study, so now I'm looking at universities. I will most likely study molecular biology, and being a Fennoswede there aren't many options in Swedish in Finland. There are two universities here, both good, that I could go to, but since my English is rather fluent and my grades aren't bad I could probably go to an English university, but that would mean a lot of debts. If I don't go to an English university, I will be in an LDR for another 4-6 years. I must admit that the thought of being apart for another 4-6 years is intimmidating, but it's not an obstacle that's not possible to overcome. In the end, you have to, as earlier mentioned, follow your instincts. I will probably end up in either of the universities over here, for financial reasons, and I'm sure it will be worth every second of the distance once we're together permanently.