Two Jobs Plus College/Boyfriend Upset

[rach92g]

I work two jobs which causes me work 7 days a week, and I am also in college. My boyfriend is in college and working as well, but only works like one day a week now because they cut his hours. A little background info: he comes from a family that is more well off than mine. He never had to get a job until he was 19, and I have been working since I was 14. I pay for everything myself. I'm not blaming him for anything, he's never known what it's like to have to pay for everything himself. But what I do have a problem with is that he gets upset with me when I don't take off "enough" time while he is home for a visit. I understand that we only get to see each other for 2 or 3 weeks every 6 months, but I can't make him understand that not only can I not afford to take off that entire time, I also don't get "vacation" days or "personal" days that I can just use any time I want. I can't take off for a long amount of time from my jobs. He says he understands, but he still gets upset. I make as much time as I can to see him. As one of my jobs I work at a tourist attraction as the receptionist, and it happened that I have to work Christmas night this year, which he really doesn't like. But I may be able to work Christmas Eve instead of Christmas night, and if it works out that way I think I am just going to surprise him by showing up at his family dinner Christmas night Will that make up for not being able to take off work the entire time he is home?

[CanadianGirl]

There's not too much you can do to change the situation. Your SO just needs to look at things a bit differently and make the best out of it.

I'm in a similar position as your SO, with my boyfriend not being able to take much time off when I'm visiting. At first, it really sucked and I spent the whole time missing him so badly.. I was finally so close and I still couldn't see him! It got easier after I learned to look at it differently. It's still my vacation time away from school, so I better enjoy myself! Read for fun, skype with friends/family, play video games etc. Also (not sure if this is applicable to you), my SO comes home for his lunch breaks to see me, which helps.

[rach92g]

There's not too much you can do to change the situation. Your SO just needs to look at things a bit differently and make the best out of it.

I'm in a similar position as your SO, with my boyfriend not being able to take much time off when I'm visiting. At first, it really sucked and I spent the whole time missing him so badly.. I was finally so close and I still couldn't see him! It got easier after I learned to look at it differently. It's still my vacation time away from school, so I better enjoy myself! Read for fun, skype with friends/family, play video games etc. Also (not sure if this is applicable to you), my SO comes home for his lunch breaks to see me, which helps.

I couldn't go home for lunch, I would love to, but I'd take my whole lunch break just driving home haha. Thanks for the input though. It's nice to hear it from that perspective. Also, I noticed your SO lives in San Diego; my SO is just north of there in Oceanside! Small world.

[Lucky]

showing up for christmas dinner must be the best gift ever!

Maybe he does understand but he obviously wants to be close to you and he is not good hiding his feelings, I would talk to him not trying to make him understand, but trying to understand myself why does he get that upset if he truly understands, you'd be surprised, some men actually like to vent and when they do it gives the wrong impression so you might be confusing his reaction or maybe he feels ready to close the distance but is frustrated because it is not possible yet.

[rach92g]

showing up for christmas dinner must be the best gift ever!

Maybe he does understand but he obviously wants to be close to you and he is not good hiding his feelings, I would talk to him not trying to make him understand, but trying to understand myself why does he get that upset if he truly understands, you'd be surprised, some men actually like to vent and when they do it gives the wrong impression so you might be confusing his reaction or maybe he feels ready to close the distance but is frustrated because it is not possible yet.

I truly do feel bad for not taking more time to be with him. And I understand why he's frustrated, but it also frustrates me that he just doesn't seem to get it. It's a discussion every single time he comes home. Perhaps I am just misinterpreting what he is trying to get across to me. I guess I am just going to have to listen when he needs to talk about it and continue explaining myself like I do every time.

[ams.201220]

So, just a bit of background information. My SO works A LOT. He works twelve hours a day, seven days a week. And to add to that, he recently got community service after a car accident, so that takes up a lot more of his time. And at first, it really upset me. Here I am, at college, making time for him in between my school work, and he doesn't make the same time back. But after taking time to really understand the distance, and to understand why he needs to work (to save up to come see my in February ), I begun to lighten up about the whole situation. And because I didn't care as much as I did before, our relationship got soooo much better. Before, he never used to call me on break, but now he'll talk to me whenever he has the chance. And now that I give him breathing space, he has no problem trying to find a few minutes here and there to talk to me. But recently, I've begun to not talk to him as much, just because I'm busy with my job and I have finals next week. So now he's getting upset about the fact that we can't have dates on a weekly basis.

I really think there isn't much you can do to calm him down. And the only way he'll begin to feel better about it, is when he decides it's ok. It seems you guys have a really strong relationship that shouldn't be hurt because of your work schedule. I think surprising him on Christmas will be great! And definitely sit down, face to face to tell him that you can't really do much about your current situation, and ask him what he would like you to do, personally. This might make him feel better, because he can have some input on what to do about your situation. I wish you the best of luck, and totally keep me posted as to how things are going!

[rach92g]

So, just a bit of background information. My SO works A LOT. He works twelve hours a day, seven days a week. And to add to that, he recently got community service after a car accident, so that takes up a lot more of his time. And at first, it really upset me. Here I am, at college, making time for him in between my school work, and he doesn't make the same time back. But after taking time to really understand the distance, and to understand why he needs to work (to save up to come see my in February ), I begun to lighten up about the whole situation. And because I didn't care as much as I did before, our relationship got soooo much better. Before, he never used to call me on break, but now he'll talk to me whenever he has the chance. And now that I give him breathing space, he has no problem trying to find a few minutes here and there to talk to me. But recently, I've begun to not talk to him as much, just because I'm busy with my job and I have finals next week. So now he's getting upset about the fact that we can't have dates on a weekly basis.

I really think there isn't much you can do to calm him down. And the only way he'll begin to feel better about it, is when he decides it's ok. It seems you guys have a really strong relationship that shouldn't be hurt because of your work schedule. I think surprising him on Christmas will be great! And definitely sit down, face to face to tell him that you can't really do much about your current situation, and ask him what he would like you to do, personally. This might make him feel better, because he can have some input on what to do about your situation. I wish you the best of luck, and totally keep me posted as to how things are going!

Thank you so much for our input and advice! I'm loving getting to see things from people who have his same perspective on the situation. I think your idea is great. I will sit down and talk with him about it. Thanks so much! Beat of luck to you as well

[ams.201220]

Thank you so much for our input and advice! I'm loving getting to see things from people who have his same perspective on the situation. I think your idea is great. I will sit down and talk with him about it. Thanks so much! Beat of luck to you as well

You're totally welcome! And thank you! We're definitely working on ours as well!