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**cburns320** · January 2, 2013, 12:37 PM

You need to be true to yourself. Get him help

**emherron** · January 2, 2013, 12:42 PM

I know what my heart wants. I fear really hurting my boyfriend.

**ThePiedPiper** · January 2, 2013, 12:50 PM

You need to separate the fact that something could happen. If anything did, there was a lot more going wrong than simply your relationship/break-up. Most likely, however, he's using that to get you to stay in the relationship. A lot more people say that on a regular basis than you would think, and most, if not all, of the people who have said that at some point are still alive. You can't keep yourself miserable because of his emotionally manipulative ploy. You're only going to hurt him and yourself further by staying with him with the absence of love.

**emherron** · January 2, 2013, 01:03 PM

I think I just needed to hear that..and thank you. I really do love my online SO, the day I finally get to be next to him will be amazing. I just hope my boyfrind can find someone too..I still care about him and is well being. I just put up with the way he treat me anymore.

**Sora1101** · January 2, 2013, 01:25 PM

I went through something similar my ex knew that I was ready to end things with him so he threatened to commit suicide if I ended it. I stuck around for a couple of months but it was driving me deeper into the depression I was already in. I ended up breaking up with him and he didn't go through with his "promise" and that was that.

I think he wouldn't really kill himself if you broke up with him but even if he did it wouldn't be your fault, if he took his life over that then there would have been deeper issues involved. If you're that worried he might go through with it you could tell his parents what he said so that they could keep an eye on him.

You shouldn't let yourself be tied down to a person you don't want to really spend the rest of your life with, follow your heart and do what's best for you.

**oxytocinbite** · January 2, 2013, 01:27 PM

You boyfriend is not someone you would want in your life, he threatens to kill himself? that is the most selfish thing ever and If I were you I would tell him to go fuck himself...sorry for the language. I have had someone threaten to kill themselves, I left anyhow. If they did kill themselves that would be on there hands, not yours. Maybe I am just cold, but I would hurt someone for my own happiness if they were not allowing me it. I hope you and your online SO do well, but you need to get that other guy out of your life asap!

**XxFranticLovexX** · January 2, 2013, 03:41 PM

Okay, I know you care about your current boyfriend but you can't stay in a relationship that you are unhappy with just to keep from upsetting/hurting him.

I was in a very similar situation, just my ex didn't threaten to kill himself. I was with him for 4 1/2 years (about 5-6 total, but an actual consecutive relationships with no breaks or anything for 4 1/2). Things were going downhill, he was starting to treat me worse and worse, I was losing the want to be with him or in the relationship, and I felt trapped in the situation. I met my now SO and we got to know each other as friends and we would tell each other about our days, our lives, relationship issues (he was in a bad relationship as well), and everything else that we wanted to talk about. I met him in February 2011 and had already been reconsidering my relationship for a couple months but was staying because I was afraid to leave it and start over. Things continued, we got closer, my relationship never got any better. He became the "friend that I talk to online" as well. We were planning to meet up someday 'as friends', saying how the other should visit, etc. His relationship ended. My relationship eventually got to the point to where I knew that I wanted out but was still holding on to the little pieces trying to save it. My 'friend' was there for me the whole time, helping me out and just generally talking to me when I would be down or need a friend. I eventually realized that I no longer wanted to try fighting for a broken, failing relationship and I wanted him.. so I told him. He reciprocated the feelings, which technically made the situation worse for me, and I had to decide what to do. I ended things with my now-ex and gave him a chance to work on things to try saving our relationship. That lasted all of maybe two weeks because he was saying that he was working on it and changing but he was actually staying the same, if not getting worse. Actually, he is still saying that he has changed but his old habits still continuously shine through. Anyway, I ended things with him for good and told my 'friend' about it the same day (I actually told him when it first happened but also let him know that we were going to try to work on it). We started getting closer,got together about 4 months later, and have been together ever since.. we'll be together a year in April and he is still my best friend and my guy as well.

The point of the story is just so you know that you aren't alone and you at least have someone who can relate to your situation. You have to do what is best for you and what you know, deep down inside, is truly the best decision for you. You could still be friends with your ex, I'm still friends with mine (actually it's a little complicated because I live with him, but that's a different story), but you shouldn't be with someone that you don't want to be with. Just tell someone close to him that he is threatening to harm himself and do what you feel you should do. There is no need to hurt yourself, your online SO, and your current bf by trying not to hurt anyone. I was doing the same thing.. it really isn't worth it. I knew where my heart was and was trying to deny it.. eventually you will have to give in and decide which one you really want to spend this part of your life with. I'm guessing that the choice is obvious, so I know that it's hard and it seems like everything is spinning in your mind, but once you do what you want to do you will feel so much better about yourself and the situation in general.. as well as being with the man that you actually love.

**Kristin91** · January 2, 2013, 04:16 PM

Don't lie to your current SO because he claims he'll kill himself if you break up with him. In many cases it's a tactic people use to prevent people from breaking up with them, but regardless he should get help.

Bottom line: break up with your boyfriend, it's not fair to lie to either of you

**emherron** · January 2, 2013, 06:23 PM

Gahh! Exactly! It feels so great know someone else had a similar expericence. Thankfully my online SO is very supportive. Hes honestly everything I have ever wanted in life.
Thank you so much.

**MadMolly** · January 2, 2013, 08:21 PM

Been in your exact position. I left my boyfriend and it was, to this day, the best decision I've ever made in my life. He threatened to hurt himself for the nth time and finally, I didn't respond to him and instead called the cops/ambulance to his place and he never did that again.

**futuremillward1220** · January 2, 2013, 10:16 PM

I have been in the same situation. I met my current SO while dating my ex. When I met my SO, he always had me laughing and I felt a real connection with him, compared to my ex, which I felt as if he was getting distant and less involved. The only thing holding me back was that I didn't want to hurt my ex after he would threaten to hurt himself. Turns out, choosing my SO was the best decision I have ever made.

Don't let the fear of someone else's feelings get in the way of your own happiness.

**emherron** · January 3, 2013, 12:06 PM

Originally posted by futuremillward1220 View Post

I have been in the same situation. I met my current SO while dating my ex. When I met my SO, he always had me laughing and I felt a real connection with him, compared to my ex, which I felt as if he was getting distant and less involved. The only thing holding me back was that I didn't want to hurt my ex after he would threaten to hurt himself. Turns out, choosing my SO was the best decision I have ever made.

Don't let the fear of someone else's feelings get in the way of your own happiness.

Thank you so much. It's been a very difficult past few days trying to wrap my head around what to do. I just needed to hear from others that I am wanting to do the right thing. I have to go with my gut, take a chance and do something different. I feel like if I don't go for my online SO ill end up marrying my boyfriend and be bored my entire life.wondering what if. I guess it could happen either way. Do you have any suggestions on what to do to keep me busy, not giving into missing him or just having someone around? I want to be with my online SO but we know it will be awhile before we travel to be together. I'm afraid if I go ahead and just break up with him, sooner or later I'll go crawling back (like other times) simply because I do miss him and miss that company he gave me.

**futuremillward1220** · January 4, 2013, 08:32 PM

Online video chats can give you that company that you might miss from your boyfriend, although it may not be the company you're used to, but a LDR is something to get used to also. You can also write letters back and forth or make a private blog with each other, stuff like that. Also, keep many friends around, if they see that you're happy with your new SO, they'll hopefully try to help keep you from going back to your boyfriend.

**emherron** · January 4, 2013, 10:26 PM

Originally posted by futuremillward1220 View Post

Online video chats can give you that company that you might miss from your boyfriend, although it may not be the company you're used to, but a LDR is something to get used to also. You can also write letters back and forth or make a private blog with each other, stuff like that. Also, keep many friends around, if they see that you're happy with your new SO, they'll hopefully try to help keep you from going back to your boyfriend.

Thank you so much for your kind words to help me. I'm looking forward to the future to see where life will take my online SO and I. It will be a work in progress to find the right time to let go of my current boyfriend. But being able to relate to you has shown me it's not impossible to take a giant leap of faith.

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I just need a bit of advice..

I just need a bit of advice..

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