Break Up or Stick it Out

[Sanney4709]

Hey guys, I apologize in advance for how long this is but I could really use some advice right now.

My SO and I have been in an LDR for almost 4 years. Lately we have been going through a rough patch. We hardly ever talk and when ever we try to talk we always end up fighting. This has been going on for about three months and I'm getting to the end of my rope. Then about two weeks ago a boy that I go to school with and had never even talked to before messaged me on facebook and we have been talking on facebook since then. I have never really talked to him in person though.

He seems like a really nice guy and invited me to go out with him. We don't flirt or anything and he knows I have a boyfriend but I kind of like him and I am interested to see where it may go. This is my dilemma. I have no intention of cheating on my boyfriend but I have been seriously considering ending it. We had been planning for him to move here at the end of June but if all we do is fight then what is the point in him moving here when it feels like it will end in disaster. I also feel like I'm holding him back because instead of going on to get his bachelors degree he insists on moving here.

I however don't feel like I am ready for that. I am heavily involved in school and I really don't have time for a part time job to pay for an apartment and he can't do it on his own. I feel like everything is so complicated and my feeling are all scrambled. I love him and don't want to hurt him. But I am only 19 and I don't know if I want to commit for the rest of my life at this point. It would be unfair to let him move here and end up breaking up shortly after.

So what do you guys think? Stick it out and try to fix things or let it go? I would really appreciate any advice. Thanks.

[Carenza LaRue]

I would say..... let him go.

you already said yourself that you want to see where things go with this new guy and you don't have time for a part time job for your current bf.

my guts tell me your heart is already with someone new or something new...... and your SO is a passed station.

best of luck!

[Tooki]

Think about what you want, without considering the two men in your life. If you really feel like your current LDR won't work out, break up with your man.

[Dezface]

Seems like you already know the answer. My thoughts are along the lines that if you are seriously considering breaking up, you've usually already mentally moved on and it's best to let the relationship go. I think this holds especially true for long distance relationships, because like you said, it's unfair to let someone move to be with you when you're already feeling that it's unlikely to work.

[leah_c]

I agree with Carenza LaRue. It sounds like you've already started to move on, since you're thinking that something could happen with the new guy. If you were still set on your SO, you wouldn't be having these thoughts, in my opinion.

Let him go and see where this new relationship goes. Maybe it will turn out or maybe it won't. But it sounds like both you and your SO need to reevaluate what you both want out of your relationship. Maybe you both need a longer time apart to realize if you two want to work on the relationship or not (if that makes sense).

Good luck.

[Sanney4709]

I want to thank you all for the advice but I did some more thinking about it and I actually think I want to fix things. We could put off the move until we are absolutely certain we can handle it. I just really cannot stand the thought of not having him in my life or watching him be with someone else and I don't feel that anyone could ever love me the way he does. He accepts me and all of me. We just have to work on somethings. Thanks again. (:

[kelbug73029]

Yea, I agree. If you've already put in 4 years, I think it would be worth it to try and fix things instead of giving up because you hit a rough spot. It happens in all relationships. You both just need to go out of your way to see what you can do to fix it. Best of luck!