Get back to normal

[bigben1541]

Hey I am new to this website but I would love some advice from everyone here!

My girlfriend and I have been currently dating for almost a year and we getting towards the end of our freshmen year. We just had a serious conservation recently saying that we aren't acting the same whenever we talk to each other as we do with are friends in college. She says that we are acting like how we would in high school whenever we talk and when we visit each other and is driving her crazy. I am trying to act more like my college self but it is very difficult and we are always busy and we never really have time to talk. She also mention that I don't met her qualities as a future husband because she is a very artist person and I am a mathematics person. She sees herself with someone more artist in the future. It seems like the distance is making us drift apart but I feel like she is drifting away from me. Summer starts in a little over a month. We decided that we will see how the summer goes and if we feel the same way then we were going to break up.

But I do not want to break up at all. I really love this girl and I don't want us to drift away from each other. Does anyone have any suggestions so we don't?

Thanks for your help!

[Black_Halloween]

She also mention that I don't met her qualities as a future husband because she is a very artist person and I am a mathematics person. She sees herself with someone more artist in the future.

It seems really odd that she'd say something like that to you...All I can say is that sometimes people drift apart.

[bigben1541]

Well she was talking about what was bothering her about us. She wants us to be together but she sees herself with an artist person in the future. I just wanna know how I could be that person and how to bring us closer together and not farther apart.

[MattDavies86]

You don't really see who your going to end up with, it just happens, your heart chooses and that's final, you can't really decide oh, I'm gong to be in love with someone artistic lol, it may not happen, if she loves you then thats enough

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I'm not sure exactly what she thinks she'll get with someone more artistic. Artists are people too...just with more paintbrushes and pens or musical instruments. My SO and I are both artistic, but I don't think that particularly defines me as a girlfriend...

Anyway, the thing about university is that it does change you. You meet new people, get new ideas. The difference between high school and university is that there is a massive, massive pool of people to meet and connect with in comparison. Which means that the likelihood of you meeting someone who suits you better is higher at university. You grow as a person, and if you and your SO aren't growing in a way that facilitates your relationship, it's the relationship that will suffer, because you can't go back on growth.

I hate to say it, but it does sound like your SO and you are growing in different ways, and that might mean that your relationship has run it's course. I know it hurts, and you don't want a good thing to end, but sometimes it's just time. And that's just something that happens.

See how the summer works. Your relationship could be suffering because you don't get to interact in person, and some people just work better as a couple in person. But if it doesn't work the way you think it should be, don't be scared to let it go. I know you love her, but if you two were going to be together forever, it would mean that you'd both need to change in a way that works together, and at the moment, that's not happening. Try not to panic too much, and just take things as they come. If you manage to re-connect over the summer, it'll show you which things you need to work on when you're apart. If you don't, maybe it's just time to go your own way.

[bigben1541]

I agree completely with you just said. But I am going to try to and learn more about art to give it a chance. Who knows I may actually really like it. We both want to stay together but we are having a feeling it would end up badly. Not interacting in person has hurt us but lets say we get better over this summer and we are back to normal but then when I leave for college for the second year, we are right bad where we have started. If this keeps on happening is it better just the end the relationship?

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I agree completely with you just said. But I am going to try to and learn more about art to give it a chance. Who knows I may actually really like it.

You do realise it's not really someone who knows about art she's looking for, she's looking for someone with an artistic outlook? Whether that's lifestyle or attitude or something? Firstly, that's her problem not yours, because what she thinks she wants is idealistic, not realistic. Which means that you can't meet that desire because it's...not real...
And really, your relationship isn't actually hanging on the basis of you not liking art. I don't think learning to like art is going to fix this.

Secondly, if things go smoothly this summer, but then when you're apart it's not good again, you only really have two options. The first is break up, because you two obviously aren't suited as a long distance couple, and it may be that you need to wait until you two can be in the same geographic location before you can make any decisions about being together. The second is learn to be better at handling your relationship long distance. There are tonnes of things you could try, now, to see if you guys CAN work long distance. Lots of threads on this site can help suggest activities you can do 'together', ways to help communication, and even suggestions about what to do if you're finding yourselves struggling for conversation.

There are things you can do, but if you're struggling this much, I think your LDR is going to need a lot of work - maybe more work than your relationship is even worth to you two anymore.

[Tooki]

If she wants to be a prude and not want to be with you because you're a mathematical person, then so be it. My GF is more artistic and I am more mathematical but we haven't had any problems as a result of it. It should be a compliment to your relationship, not a decider.