I'm Struggling! Advice please!!!!

[Tommy16]

I'm from New Zealand and got a full scholarship to a college in Louisiana. I got a job in a summer camp in NC, so I decided to come to the US early. Here I met my SO, who was local that worked at the camp too, we hit it off immediately. 2 months later I had to leave to start college in Louisiana. I thought it would just be a summer fling, but I fell hard for her. She suggested long distance and I decided it was worth a try. It was a tough 3 months until i saw her next. I spent 10 days with her over thanksgiving and it was great. We became so much stronger and closer. I went bad to college and returned a month later for xmas for 2 weeks. Then six weeks later she visited me for 5 days. That was 7 weeks ago. My next opportunity to see her is another 6 weeks.

It will be 3-4 years we will be able to close the distance. I'm struggling with that. I love her, but I hate long distance. Every time I leave, I start doubting our relationship, and debating in my head whether or not I want to keep it going and usually get to the point where in my head I want to break up with her. I think about a lot. To the extent where it effects my studies. For example, right now I should be studying for a test tomorrow haha. But in the end I push through and just tell myself to wait until next time to re-evaluate it again afterwards. This cycle repeats. But I don't want this cycle repeating for 3-4 years! If I was sure she was "the one" I think I could do it but i'm not sure, but i don't see her enough to decide that.. Shes not perfect (although shes pretty close) but you cant expect someone to be right.

Shes a very attractive girl, she starts college in August, she will attract a lot of attention. I am shitting myself about that. I'm very protective. And worry myself to death about these things. I'm in college, and as good looking dude with an accent I attract a lot of attention. Which is hard for a 19 yr old horny guy. Iv been faithful tho! But the idea of a girlfriend hear sound so much more appealing. just worried i wont be able to find someone as great as my SO!

I just cant decide whether its worth all the stress, worry, money (for travelling to see her, costs $300 each time) and hardship. but i dont want to regret it later in life, because she is amazing. And I don't know how to decide. Which brings me here for advice.

Would love any advice or someone to talk too!! I have heaps more to say but if i made this too long people wouldn't read it!

PS. we have no trouble with communication. our distance relationship is good. im just not sure its what i want.

[dragonlady]

sorry to say we al struggle! your still young 3/4 years is over before you know it
to be honest i am scared shitliss to and so is my SO... but hell i am going to try it! you allready mett so on that front you know you like each other..
and yeah it takes alot of guts and determination to hold on in this kinda relationship, but what do you have to loose? if this is the love of your live what does it matter it will al be worth it in the end..

if you want you can give me a pm always willing to listen, but so is the rest of this forum, just pour it out

[Tommy16]

Thanks for the reply! I really appreciate it.
The thing is, I am young, and I don't know if she is the love of my life. And i feel I am just doing long distance keep her from seeing anyone else until we can close the distance in 3-4 years. But I feel if I wait that time and things don't work out iv wasted all that time I could have used to find "the love of my life".

[kattermole]

Well, here's my tuppence worth.

You're both so young, and about to embark on the most exciting time of your life. You'll met new people, have new experiences and grow. Unless you are 100% committed to your relationship and the future, then it will be very hard to sustain a LDR, particualrly with all the temptations there will be for both of you. It's perfectly possible for people to go their separate ways, live their lives and then find each other years later. Timing maybe isn't ideal here, but there's nothing that says you have to lose touch forever. You might both see what else is out there and realise you belong with each other, or you might find someone else/she might find someone else who makes you happy.

I think you probalby already know what you want to do, it's the making the final decision that's tough, but have faith in your own feelings and emotions.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

Believe me, if she's the love of your life, you will know. The feeling is unlike anything else. We're LD also because of college and we've been going for almost 3 years now. 2 more to go. It's definitely not easy, but I know that it is worth it. Only you know if your feelings for her are genuine or if it's just lust. Life is about taking chances. We can't tell you how you feel or how you should. But, if you don't think you will be able to be faithful to her, do not string her along.

[HoldMeImAFermata]

I don't have any great advice because I'm in almost the same exact situation Tom. But if you need a friend to vent to or have a long conversation I'm here for you bro! It is incredibly tough I really feel you.

[HoldMeImAFermata]

Well, here's my tuppence worth.

You're both so young, and about to embark on the most exciting time of your life. You'll met new people, have new experiences and grow. Unless you are 100% committed to your relationship and the future, then it will be very hard to sustain a LDR, particualrly with all the temptations there will be for both of you. It's perfectly possible for people to go their separate ways, live their lives and then find each other years later. Timing maybe isn't ideal here, but there's nothing that says you have to lose touch forever. You might both see what else is out there and realise you belong with each other, or you might find someone else/she might find someone else who makes you happy.

I think you probalby already know what you want to do, it's the making the final decision that's tough, but have faith in your own feelings and emotions.

That was the best advice I've seen in a while not only for Tom I needed some non-jjudgemental honest helpful comments. Thank you!