Parting ways and I'm not missing him?!?!

[ohbother]

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 months now, we have seen each other 5 times because the distance isn't that far. The things is, the first 4 times when we parted ways I was very sad and I cried sometimes for about 3-4 days, I cried mostly about not knowing how to handle the distance and wanting to see him more often, and if it's actually worth it. On those 4 time he was sick or it was a quick visit. On the fifth time, I'm wasn't feeling that sadness over missing him and I'm wasn't crying at all. On this visit, he wasn't sick and we did many things, it was a very awesome visit! It has got me in a state of worry because for the next 8 months our distance will increase and we shall only see each other after the fourth month. I don't know what's going on with me, am I falling out of love with him? am I getting used to the distance? or am I more fulfilled with this visit because he wasn't sick and I enjoyed myself more? HELP!!

[Catface]

It's going to depend on the person, I'm not sure that this can be answered by someone else. I have only parted ways with my SO twice, so I may have less experience. Don't over think things. If you still felt in love while you were with him, then I would say you're just growing a thicker skin to the leaving part. Sometimes it takes a few days for the feeling of being alone to set in. Don't let your worries overpower what you really feel. It's okay not to be sure right away, you'll know as time goes on.

[Tooki]

Would it not be a good thing that you didn't feel sad after going home? It isn't like we are OBLIGATED to feel sad when we leave our SO's.

Just use your head and think about it. We cannot answer for how you are feeling.

[aniay]

I know how you feel.

After the first visit I was crying my eyes out, after the second one I was all 'okay, he's gone, dealing with it, move on' I was quite scared and surprised.

It's over month later and right now I miss him so much it hurts. I am not loving him less in any way because I didn't miss him as much as I used to.

I believe there are days we handle the separation better and days when we can't handle it.

Also It seems to me that longer visit leaves us more 'saturated' with the each other and gives us more strength to handle it.

So... close your eyes and listen to your heart and let it answer your questions.

[snow_girl]

I don't understand why everything thinks they have to feel sad after a visit. I never cried when I left my SO and I didn't ever struggle with the distance. It isn't a break up when the person leaves, you had a good time and enjoyed yourself. What is there to cry about?

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I don't think how sad you are after a visit necessarily reflects how much you do or don't love your SO. I've definitely gotten better at getting back into the swing of things after a visit, and I actually come back thinking I love my SO more after every visit.

...Sometimes I'm actually a little bit excited because I get to indulge in 'secret single behaviour', the one advantage to an LDR. If you're in a CD relationship, or live together, you spend time together and get less time to do things like eat a whole tub of ice cream to yourself while you watch all the movies your SO would never want to watch with you...

I wouldn't panic. If you loved your SO less, you'd know.

[dukes2011]

Just because you're not sad doesn't mean you are falling out of love. I know what you mean, though. A lot of times I dread parting ways and then it's not so bad once we do. It might just mean that you're getting used to being LD more than you were before.

[Jmoc1024]

I went through the same reaction more or less when I had to part ways from my SO the first time. I came to the reality that neither he or I were ready for the all the emotion that we were going to experience. It is one thing to see someone on a video chat or talk to them on the phone or email/text then to actually have them in your presence and be with them. The after effects were devastating to me and him. He even said that it hurts him to see me on Skype because he gets the feeling of wanting to have me close. Like my SO said it is that thing of knowing you had it and now you don't and you have to conform with what you had before. I understand that because once you have that connection and then you have to leave it, it's hard to go back to just doing what you two did before seeing each other. The fact that you don't feel sad is a good thing in my opinion because it means that you are coping with the distance and managing your emotions better. Look at it as a sign of hope, that this can work because now the relationship, the emotional part, is starting to balance itself out.

[LadyDaemon]

As stated before,just because you're not exactly crying a bucket full of tears because you parted ways with your SO for now doesn't mean you love them any less. When I met my SO for the first time and I went home I cried the whole bus ride home and then for almost a week after that. I was really depressed and went through some pretty serious emotions lol. The second time,I missed him and I cried for a couple of days but the emotions & things didn't last as long. I got back up and got back to living my life on my own again within 2-3 days. I think as it happens more you get used to it and you realize that as much as you love that person and want them there,life goes on. You can't just simply shut down and suddenly say I'm not going to live life anymore because my SO isn't near. It also always helps to think of it as temporary. You know that person is not permanently leaving you to never see or speak to you again. I also agree with Jmoc. Besides,you should enjoy what you can do on your own now(like not shaving your legs but once a week lol) because if you guys ever close the distance,you might not be able to then because you'll always be together and they'll always know about it.

[kmarie1293]

I am going through the same thing, the distance between me and my SO has recently increased...by ALOT and it was really hard at first. I cried pretty much everyday and it still upsets me at ties but it has gotten easier to deal with. Even though its getting easier for me to deal with him being gone, I'm not as sad as I was, and I can feel myself getting better, it doesn't mean I'm falling out of love. I'm just accepting our situation which is good. We still have ways of reconnecting and keeping our relationship exciting and rekindling why we fell for each other and why we are striving for this relationship.

Just try and remember why you and your SO got together in the first place. Rekindle things between the 2 of you and see where it goes from there and how you both feel about each other and your relationship/situation.

Hope this helps!