I fear that the distance will make me fall out of love

[CTgirl727]

My boyfriend and I became long distance on March 1st. He just graduated college and I still have two years left. He moved away for a job, so right now he is 1,000 miles away. At first, the LDR did not really suck because we talked all of the time, video chatted, and I was busy with school. Since he didn’t start his job until the end of March, I was able to visit him for my spring break, which was amazing. But now, its been a full month since I have seen him. His job just started 3 weeks ago- and its very demanding. He gets home late and is often too tired to talk. I feel like I am loosing a connection with him- im forgetting what it is like to be in love, to see him, to to touch him, and even talk with him on the phone, since we are doing less of that. I feel like this whole LDR is just really hitting me. Its hard because he was at the same college as me last semester, and we did EVERYTHING together. I love him SO much, and the last thing I want to do is to fall out of love, but i fear that it is going to happen since we don't get to talk as much.
He has semi-plans to hopefully transfer jobs and come home by the end of summer, but I cant count on that. I find myself crying and being sad all the time. The fact that because he is older than me and he has a real world job is hard for me to understand because I am in college still. I love him so much, and when I think about the future, I do want him in it, but at the same time, I don’t want to grow up just yet and im just 19, so im not thinking about that! He tells me all the time he is planning for our future and he sees himself with me forever, which scares me and at the same time comforts me.
Whenever we talk about this, we seem to just get into fights lately. He tells me that I don’t understand the stress of a real world job (which I don’t) but he doesn’t understand that I am in college still and not ready to grow up. I have so much more free time than him and I wish that i could use that time to talk to him It sucks knowing that the only thing that is wrong in our relationship is that he lives so far away. I want to enjoy the rest of my college experience and be with him at the same time. It’s not that I don’t mind waiting for him to come home eventually, but I would like to live my own life too. How can I rekindle our love, when we don’t have much time to talk? The last thing I want to do is have this distance tear us apart, because whenever I am with him, I am the happiest girl in the world. Right now, i fear I will not feel that way when i see him again, which will be in 3 weeks.

thanks for anyone who responds back to this

[dukes2011]

I am 23, but even though I'm older I can sort of see what you mean. I am in grad school still and my boyfriend has worked as a teacher for the past 2 years. Last year I felt as though he was more ready to take the next step of engagement/marriage while I wasn't so sure. I still am more uneasy about it since I don't have a job lined up right now, but as I'm closer to graduating I am much more open to the idea. He has always understood that and sometimes I've had to tell him directly that he's making me anxious since he's jumping the gun too much for me. I would have to remind him that I am a point in my life where it works better to take one day at a time since my program is pretty intensive. My mom always tells me that timing is everything. If you guys are in different points it's not like there's no hope for you, he just has to understand you're not ready not.

Find your common ground, which is definitely hard to do sometimes when you're at different points in life! If you both like music maybe explore different bands together or of you're into a TV show try to watch is together whenever you can and text about it later. Texting and email work great for me and my SO if we can't Skype or phone. If we talk when one of us is really tired, a lot of times we end up fighting over something really stupid that doesn't even matter. It can definitely be frustrating so we don't talk past about 11pm if we can avoid it. We jokingly call 11pm our bewitching hour!

To help stay connected, we did something we called The List a few years back when I was studying abroad. We would take a few minutes and type a few lines about something funny, sentimental, or just plain weird that maybe one of us forgot about. We'd have a blast re-living those memories! Another great thing that helps us stay connected is finding couples questions online. Some of them are more serious like talking about future goals and others are more silly like choosing between two people (historical or fictional) you'd rather spend the day with and why. For your free time maybe take up a new hobby or join a club at school. It would be a great way to make some friends that you can spend time with instead of wishing you could talk to your SO. Keeping busy works the best for me and a lot others on this site say the same thing. Good luck and I hope things look up for you soon

[CTgirl727]

Thank you so much This really helps!
What else do you do to stay connected? For us, we usually FaceTime, text or phone calls. Sometimes we email, but my boy usually is bad with checking it LOL. Another thing is, that he is usually busy for work all day, and then tired at night. I feel thats why i am starting to loose a connection. Its making me think my love isnt as strong, but thinking back to the days when I feel in love with him makes me remember why I love him so much.

[kmarie1293]

I felt very similar to this when my boyfriend and I started dating. We have been long distance from the beginning (you can read our full story on my page) and recently he had to go even further away for work. I am still in my first year of college so I TOTALLY understand you not wanting to grow up just yet. I love my boyfriend very much and it's hard to deal with him being even farther away than what I'm used to but I know it's not impossible.

Writing letters is a great way to help stay connected, and its a great way to get your feelings out there and you both can do it the down time you have, no matter how short. What has helped me most that my boyfriend and I have is: When he left, I gave him this box that had a bunch of little stuff in it like pictures, a bracelet/rosary, a ring that I have never taken off since I got it 7 years ago and that biggest thing was this little book that I filled with quotes and lyrics and special moments we've shared so that he can have a little piece of me with him and remember, in the few moments he has (he's a fisherman so he's ALWAYS working or doing something), all the special moments in our relationship and that I am here for him. And then for me, I have this journal that I started about a month into our relationship that is all about me and him. I've written down pretty much every cute and special moment, and text messages, and then just like my feelings and fights we've had and how I'm feeling and everything. It also has pictures, big landmark dates and everything and when I feel we might be disconnecting or even when we are fighting, I open the journal to any page and read our memories to remind myself why I fell in love with him and everything we have already, in the 6months we've been together, been through and it helps get me through it. And it serves as a reminder that this long distance situation, isn't a permanent status, it's just another step to that happily ever after with the person you love.

I really hope this helps you!