Home for the summer

[hlb]

Hello all,

I have become completely confused since I've been home for the summer. I'm sorry for the long post, but please read. Let me begin by telling about my relationship:

Been together for 2 1/2 years.
Been in a LDR for the academic year of 2012-2013.
LDR is roughly 2 hour drive.
I came home quite often and he visited quite a bit the first semester.

We had a very difficult time at the start of the Spring semester (January) until about March and were on the verge of breaking up. We decided we would work on making things better as best as we could..distance was the issue which is kinda hard to fix. We worked on it, still were not perfect but were better, and now we are at summer.

I have been home since May 3 but have only seen my boyfriend two times. I have been feeling as though he doesn't want to see me and brought this up to him on Tuesday (the 2nd visit) and he tells me that he doesn't want to see me a lot because he doesn't want to get used to seeing me. My thought was that this doesn't make any sense and figured he would want to spend as much time with me as he can since I am home but he doesn't see it that way. I'm not asking him to forget his friends or spend time with me every single day, but instead to actually express that he wants to see me.

Last night I stated to him that "since I've been home, it seems as though we talk even less" and he responded with he's sorry, but he's dealing with his finals this week. I understand that, but I don't even get simple texts during the day anymore. I was okay with this until later that night when he told me he was getting ready to leave the bar, about 1 1/2 hours after he said he was busy with finals.

I'm really starting to feel as though he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I knew he was having trouble with the distance, but I never expected it to be this bad especially with me home now. I've even been having thoughts that maybe there is somebody else in the picture, but I honestly believe he would never cheat on me. I feel neglected and hurt because he doesn't even say that he wants to see me or takes the time to talk to me anymore.

How do I go about handling this? Is there anything else I can do?

[Kristin91]

Give him a break until finals are over. They're stressful for everyone, and everyone deals with that stress in different ways. Don't make any decisions until he's home for the summer.

[hlb]

I forgot to mention..he didn't go away for college. He goes to a community college. I'm the only one who went away. I also feel like he resents me for going away.

[abna1]

Give him a break until finals are over. They're stressful for everyone, and everyone deals with that stress in different ways. Don't make any decisions until he's home for the summer.

Definitely ! After his finals I would also talk to him about your situation. How he's coping with the distance, if he has any worries and what you could do to make it easier on the both of you. Especially because you were together for quite a while before you became LD.

[Jess!]

I believe you should wait for the finals to end, and then you could say that you have something important you need to share. Like. "Partner, I know you've been busy and that this LDR is hard for you, but we need to talk.". And then, calmly, you'd express what are you feeling. I tend to write what I want to say, so that I can think about it and be able not to ''scream'' it, but talking with a calm voice. I believe this is an effective way of communicating. Only him can tell you what is up and why he is behaving like this.

My best advice is: work the LDR as a team. Like you are together in this fighting the distance, instead of letting the distance get the best out of you.

I wish you all the best!

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I'm mid-exams, and with respect to my SO, it's easier to study when I'm not worrying that he's taking my shorter temper, tiredness, and prioritising of my studies over him personally. It's probably actually doubly hard for your SO BECAUSE you're home... he feels the pressure to spend time with you, but to be completely honest, he may not have the time to spare, particularly if he's cramming. Worrying that you're taking his absence too personally is just going to add to his overall stress levels.

I actually sort of understand him saying he doesn't want to get too used to seeing you right now. If my SO turned up right now, I'd want to see him, I'd probably do worse on my exams because I wouldn't be able to focus because I wanted to spend time with him. And the more you spend time with your SO, the more time you WANT to spend with them. I'd take it a little bit as a compliment that he finds you so distracting that he has to be strict with himself. On top of that, you've only been back for a week, and seeing you twice in a week when he's got studying to focus on is actually quite a good sign that he is trying to divide his time between you and his studying and not neglect either.

I would wait and see how he is after his exams are over. You're likely to get your non-exam-stressed, desperate-to-spend-time-with-you SO back, and you'll wonder why you were so worried about it.

[ams.201220]

I agree with everyone when they say to wait until his finals are over. Send him one or two texts a day with a funny picture of you or a message wishing him good luck. When I had finals, I was like a coffee-ed up crazy lady, and ended up ditching my friends and sorority sisters. When you two do talk again, keep it light-hearted and fun. After that, pick a time where you two can talk about your feelings and how he's making/made you feel.