College confusion

[nike_sports]

Hello everyone,
I was with my bf for about 2 1/2 years only 1 of which was long distance. We met l when I still lived in the states. We really loved each other and I decided that I wanted to be closer to him so I moved and now live in England and he is Denmark. I visited his family over the summer and for christmas. Before christmas break I started doubting our relationship because I had everyone around me telling me about the wonderful single life things I was missing. I had known these people for about 4 months and had no one to talk to since my family is back in the states. Even when texting my best friends they said the same thing. Eventually I got it in my head that it was a bad idea to keep dating him and I hated that everyone kept saying I was stubborn and didn't like change. One day I cracked and ended it over skype, I wasn't actually able to say the words though. He guessed what I was trying to say and I just sat there and nodded. No body cheated and I wasn't leaving him for someone else, we tried to end it on good terms and we did but ever since that moment I regret it. To be honest the single life is overrated. I have regretted it so much and it hurts still. The split happened 4 months ago and I have tried to move on firstly by doing the stupid hook-ups but then by dating. The truth is that I still love him and it's difficult not to want to send him a message every day. Recently we have spoken a couple of times over fb, just the other day I saw a pic of him on the news feed with a girl sitting between is legs and I broke down. I really tried not to cry but I couldn't stop, and it's been haunting me all week. I don't know what to do, I have told him how I feel (about a month after the split) I have told him that I still love him and that I believe it was a mistake but he says that he doesn't want to go through a ldr again. I just don't understand, he was the one who talked me into this in the first place and he was the one who was insistant it would work. How could he just give up? Please someone help me.

[kittyo9]

Maybe he wanted to go through with it because he was sure you wouldn't leave him... but now you have, so he thinks, why bother? Maybe you'll just do it again, and he doesn't want to go through that all over again. He's not yours any more-- you decided that when you broke up with him. If he doesn't want to get back together, even after discussing it calmly with him, you'll have to respect that.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I think one of the reasons he has for not getting back with you is that you didn't break up with him because of the distance. You broke up with him because you listened to your friends about having the single life and you wanted to try it. From his perspective, you chose that lifestyle over him. Which would be fine, if you didn't want him back.

Like Kitty said, he's probably lost that trust with you. He doesn't know that you won't leave again, that you won't be persuaded by your friends again... and to be honest, being persuaded out of your relationship by people who you've only known 4 months does suggest a lack of confidence in your OWN decisions. Of course people who are single are going to say they enjoy the single life. And people in relationships will tell you that they love being in a relationship.

Unfortunately, you can't make him get back together with you. And yeah, he might have wanted you to do the LDR thing, but he might have changed his mind. Just like you changed your mind about wanting to be in a relationship. He didn't just 'give up', you decided you didn't want to be with him, and he moved on. Which he is completely entitled to do. The most loving thing you can do for him is respect his wishes and let him go. He's already told you he isn't interested in an LDR again, and I suspect if he's told you that right away, he's not interested in building a romantic relationship with you again.

It's hard, and it hurts, so take care of yourself. Unfortunately, I think you've learnt a hard lesson here.

[ams.201220]

I can agree with everybody here, and I don't know for certain if he'll want to take you back. But it wouldn't hurt to build his trust again. Try having friendly conversations and build a friendship with him. If the feelings are there, approach him again and talk about it with him. But in the meantime, focus on yourself and what you can do stand on your two feet. You need to gain some confidence back to be able to move on if need be.