Can it really last?

[rockstar101]

My boyfriend and I met our senior year of high school when he moved to my city. Throughout the year we became closer and closer and by the time summer came around we were unofficially together. Just as we really started to get to know each other though he left for university in another province. We started skyping, we even wrote letters and we were texting way more than before and soon enough he was home for Christmas. Things were amazing and we still never brought up our future. Then a few days before he left to go back to school we said I love you. I was over the moon and it didn't really seem like long distance would be that hard since I get to see him about 3 times a year, but then things changed.

It was so much harder now that we knew where we stood with each other, he wasn't just my best friend anymore. We started skyping almost daily and we were still texting all the time but I couldn't stop thinking about what could happen. So many people in my life seemed to think long distance was a joke and that it wouldn't work. I don't know anyone who I can talk to about LDR's and nobody was trying to be positive. It wasn't that they didn't support us but it seemed like they thought we weren't long term.

Lately it seems like I think about our future daily. We are both enrolled in in 4 year programs at our respective schools and we just finished our first year. But the thing is, he's at a military school. The thing about military schools is that you get basically no free time. This summer it's bootcamp and then next year its on the job training and he could get posted anywhere for that.
I don't doubt I love him but I don't know how things will be able to work when his future could be anywhere. We haven't discussed anything beyond school since we are saving that for the next time we see each other but I know he's thinking long term. If that happens i'm not sure if i'll be willing to move around the country every time his posting is changed. Will we be able to make it work? While it worked for my boyfriends parents (who met at 19), my own parents divorced because my mom wasn't happy after the move.

I guess im really wondering if it's realistic for people our age to be in a 4 year LDR? I love him so much and we never have communication problems but I can't stop wondering if we're just setting ourselves up for heartbreak.

[digitalfever]

The thing is long distance or not relationships just don't work out sometimes. Sometimes people drift apart, sometimes they loose interest, maybe one gets a bit crazy, or they eventually want different things. Relationships can end for a bunch of reasons no matter the geographical locations of the two people invoked.

I'd say STOP thinking so far into the future. Plan this year and start thinking about next year. Ask manageable questions, talk about your fears and don't let what other people think influence a relationship.

Is your relationship realistic? It is if you can manage it. Are you setting yourself up of heartbreak! No more than if you were dating a guy at your university.

The truth is your relationship may not work out but that's the risk you take starting any type of relationship. But stop worrying about heart break and start planning your next visit!

[ams.201220]

The thing is long distance...

I totally agree with her!!! Planning too much is probably one of the worst things you can do in an LDR. If you plan too much and your plans fall through due to circumstances you can't control, anger and sadness becomes evident. If you're like me, it'll affect your relationship in the wrong way. Not planning is also crucial if you're SO is going into the military. You need to be prepared for anything that comes up.

My SO is also going into the Army. But it just so happens that we're trying to close the distance at the end of this year. I'm beyond excited, but I'm also prepared for him to be stationed out of the country.

Really just take things day by day, and you'll find that time goes by really quickly.

Also, you need to believe it will work. LDR's often take more patience and cooperation than close distance relationships. In an LDR you have to worry about who's going to move where and there will be times in which talking to each other will be limited. Yah, separation and divorce is becoming common, but look at all the successful relationships on here that have worked! I was one of the nonbelievers until I started talking to people on here. A lot of people have been in an ldr for five years or more, and they're stronger than ever!

If you start having negative thoughts, you're going to set yourself up for heartbreak because trust will fade away. Just believe in your SO and talk to each other about your insecurities. It'll work out.

[Louise_B]

LDR's do work ... i know the military will add more diffculity on that but it will work. Like the others have said dont plan too much ahead take it trip by trip! And be prepared for short notice or a trip.

I'm from the UK and my SO is in the states stationed in fort riley; We have been friends for 5 years and when i was younger and we first started speaking i didnt want to get involved with him like he wanted to with me because all my freinds and family didnt believe in LDRS. 5 years on i am head over heels in love with this guy who never gave up on me evenn after 5 years!

We had originally planned our first meeting for August however due to the military it got brought to June .. and what do you know? The military decides to send my beloved to a leadership school in nebraska for June so then it got brough forward to May 24th! we was already in April when we found out it would of had to been May that i visited sooooo .. Short notice is a thing to be able to do when dating someone in the Military. Just stay possitive take day by day ... DO NOT dwell on the distance! And plan each trip as it comes like i said before. Me and my SO have plans for him to come over in December but we will not know until october november if they army will allow him to have the time off!

Stay head strong hunny you can do this