Parent Problems

[Franny]

To give a little background info, my ldbf Phil and I have been together for about 9 months. We met in college in FL. He is from Bermuda and international student and I am from NYC. I had to transfer back to a school in NY for financial reasons. We talked and agreed we would continue our relationship as a long distance one. We talked to both our families and mine supported us and his parents were split. His father who had met me said it was cool , that he likes me, supports us and said he could visit this summer. His mother, on the other hand, hates me. She thinks I'm a distraction, claims her son was a golden child before he met me and refuses to let him visit. Phil warned me that his mom can be tough and that everyone in his family is afraid to say no to her. As of last night, we found the cheapest flight ticket and was ready to book, his mother told him no and his father agreed ! They think we are too young to be visiting each other and don't want him to come here or me to fly there. They basically don't even get why we are trying to be together. They think I'm trying to trap their son into marriage and a child. I don't know what to do. I love him, I do but his parents are bit much. I've been crying and we got into a huge fight. They try to control Phil in everything; they try to tell him what to wear, what to do, how to be. They care about how they look to their family and friends and their son going to America for a girl is apparently not a good look. I'm trying to be patient, hoping they will come around and let him grow up. I don't wanna break up but when will they trust him and our relationship ? Am I silly for waiting or is there a possibility things might turn around ?

[PrincessJOE]

I know how you feel, my ex's mother was the same (and we were 2hours -by car- far only). I've been through the arguments due to stress and everything, as you said. Honestly, I don't think you are too young for a LDR, but seeing what happened to me, I suggest you two things. first, for how difficult it is (and im aware it is VERY difficult sometimes ) try to limit the arguments with him. I know he is 'meant to be' the one you can talk about everything to and the one who understands you, but i think in this precise situation he may feel a bit like if he has to choose between his love and his family, especially if you two get in arguments :/
Second, once you two found a good 'equilibrium', I think you could suggest him to face his mother and explainn her you two know what youre doing and everything and -if she wants to- you could meet her in person maybe

Good luck for everything anyway, if you think it could help you knowing better what happened and how with my ex about this situation, just pm me

[Franny]

Thank you so much !! I bought a phone card and we talked early this morning. His mother rushed him off the phone, I guess that's when he had enough, he spoke to her. She said her reasoning comes from she deems appropriate and just to wait til winter time & she claims she has no reason not to like me. Sigh I guess. For now, I planned two visits to his school in FL for the fall.

It's good to know other people have dealt with this too and I'm not the only one dealing with this. I admit the arguments could be limited because I have a quick , sarcastic mouth. Thank you for your advice !!

[PrincessJOE]

You are welcome! I'm happy to read things are kinda changing Maybe it'll take some time and you two will need to be a bit patient, but itll be worth it Good luck again!

[kittyo9]

I'm really glad to see that your SO talked to his mom about the issue. Sounds like she is pretty controlling... sometimes you have to confront those kinds of people to get them to understand.

My parents didn't hate my SO, but my mom advised me very strongly not to go, and I was afraid of losing my support through college if I went against her wishes, since she pretty much paid everything I didn't get a scholarship to cover. I also pretty much never disobeyed her, because she's been the sole "ruler" of my life ever since my parents got divorced. Eventually, after many tear-filled conversations, I just bought my ticket and went to see my SO anyway, and it's been fine ever since then.

They might never come around, and you might have to wait a little longer between visits because of his mom. It's something you'll have to plan to work around... eventually, since you two are both adults, you're going to have to draw a line across which they cannot control your relationship any more.