The distance is just beginning

[candy_demon21]

Hello there,

So this is my first topic here in LDR. I can certainly say that, even though I have made no friends here yet, or I haven't spoke with anything yet, I already feel like I've come to a website where people will understand the pains of being in a long distance relationship. But either way this is not the purpose of my topic and forgive me for taking so long to get there.

My boyfriend and I have been dating 8 months, 9 here in on the 23rd. Recently he just finished another year in college, I myself am not in college. Either way, he just finished another year, and we both feared his grades. For a long while he has been struggling with math, and to be frank, his math looks like Alphabet soup rater than actually math.

After he left for home, which isn't too far away, but still a strain with the price of gas and having a dog to look after; but he left none the less. After he had left, I am the sort of person to count days until they return 'home'. I believed was only going to be until September/October, this is no longer the case. For several months now, my SO has been thinking about moving back to where I live currently, live with me, and finish out his math at KCC and return to OIT. This changed yesterday.

Yesterday, Ty and I had a Skype date, he stood up from the cam and closed the door and returned with something, it was a book. The book was for RCC, a local community college that is in his home town, my gut instantly began to twist into knots, I knew what we had decided. So to make a long story very short and to avoid all of the weepy moments, my boyfriend now is going to be away from me for the next year to two years.

All yesterday night I cried, I went to bed crying. This morning was just the same, and it was all day like this while I was at work. It's happening again tonight, and I feel like, my parents, grandparents and friends don't quite grasp how much all of this hurts. It feels like my body has gone numb but yet, someone has driven a dagger into myself and they continue to twist.

Some people have told me to 'stay busy with projects', and that is all well and good but, these stints that I see him are going to grow smaller and smaller. I'm so lost in my emotions right now, I can't see clearly, and I sort of don't want to. But I know, for my sake and the sake of my sanity, I must carry on.

So my question to all of you out there, who know my pain, is this: What do you do to forget for a brief moment the tormenting pain and anguish of missing your SO. What do you do to pass the time.

My second questions is this, how do you cope with not seeing your SO for so long? I realize I am lucky to see him as often as I do, but what do you do? I need projects, advice on how to numb the pain, anything at this point.

Regards,
C

[frompanthertomustang]

I'm very sorry that this was brought on so suddenly. I'm in a similar position: my boyfriend and I just finished another year at our respective universities and we're looking at two more years of distance.

I think, initially, when the pain first starts to hit and hit HARD, I usually either sleep (not always the best option depending in the time of day) or I surround myself with other people. Whether it's my mom, my roommates, my friends, my siblings... anyone! I always find it so much easier to get out of your head when you're not the only one around. I think spending time with people you love definitely helps, and that can continue to help throughout your separation.

How often do you get to see your SO on average? My boyfriend and I are also pretty lucky that we live in the same hometown so we're together for the summer, and that our universities aren't extremely far away, so visiting around every two months is an option. Usually, when I'm dealing with the separation, I throw myself into my studies or some project that my roommates and I come up with. It's totally childish, but sometimes we make mock music videos with our computers or decide we're going to try and cook a recipe from the Julia Child cookbook- just fun little projects! This coming semester, I really plan to get busy on school, but also do a lot of little projects for our new condo and have a lot of movie nights.

I feel it's really important to hang on to your loved ones during your time apart. It really helps! I wish you and your SO all the best!

[MattDavies86]

It's never easy to be apart from the one's we love but we persevere because we love them , how far exactly is he moving away?

[candy_demon21]

It kinda varies between time at the moment. Right now it's really hard to tell, he works most of the week as do I, I have weekends off and he had Tuesday and Wednesday off. We currently live like 58 miles away from one another. We really aren't sure as what his school schedule is, but I'm sure we will be able to spend the weekends together.

So it's very hard to tell right at this moment in time, of course, I have no idea how holidays are going to go, just in part of the fact that I don't have them right now. So lol, it's very hard to tell.

But that you so much for your reply and all the project ideas~ They will help me in the long run <3

[candy_demon21]

He's already there and he's about 58 miles away, so about driving time, an hour and half. Now I know that's not crazy far, but the price of gas is getting more expensive and I have no idea what his schedule is going to be.

I have weekends off and it's VERY hard to get PTO off.

[Samantha21]

I know this feeling also. My bf was living with his grandparents for the last month or so looking for a job and there he was about 2 hrs from where I am. Now he is currently back in his hometown across the state from me which is 4 hrs away. He's doing it to find a job and save money so he can move closer to me. It just really sucks being even farther away and only seeing eachother once a month. We just have to hang in there with our situations and hope for the best.

[ushiwakafox]

I think once he starts his classes, you will both get used to everything and it will become routine. Once the routine really sets in is when things get easier, for me anyway. And it's very likely that you will get to see him on the weekends like you said. BUT, consider the reason he is going to school there. He's really struggling with math, so make sure that you give him space to be able to focus on his work. I'm in school too, and when my SO still lived here it was definitely a distraction. So before you go visit him make sure he's keeping up with his school work and his grades are good.
Definitely surround yourself with friends and family in this difficult time. I tend to seclude myself, and it makes it harder for me to get past in the long run. Find some hobbies, make skype dates with your SO, go out with friends. Everything will be alright, just getting through the initial separation is the worst.

No worries! <3

[Jess!]

Hi! So you will be able to see each other every weekend? I was surprised to read that, because I didn't even think of it as a LDR since most of my friends who are CD with each other actually only get to see each other every weekend, since the faculty and other hobbies take a lot of time...

But well, answering your questions: I see movies when I feel bad because I tend to be inspired by them (''Like crazy'' would be an example). I also see a lot of documentaries. To keep myself busy I learn other languages! this year I had a german and a dutch tandem at the same time. It is so nice! Because you get to meet other people, specially foreigners and are using your time wisely by learning a new language. This has done wonders for me and gave me another perspective on the distance. The best thing is that I became friends with the 2 tandems (well I had 3, 2 german and one dutch), so being ''busy'' became also coffee time with these lovely people.

I hope you will feel better with time and find something that suits you when coping with the distance!

[chizatlauren]

Hang in there! My SO and I are going through the same phase. He still has four years before he gets out of college in ASU, and he's moving to Tempe, AZ in a few months which will make the plane tickets even more expensive for us. Hang in there! You can do it!

[candy_demon21]

I know this feeling also. My bf was living with his grandparents for the last month or so looking for a job and there he was about 2 hrs from where I am. Now he is currently back in his hometown across the state from me which is 4 hrs away. He's doing it to find a job and save money so he can move closer to me. It just really sucks being even farther away and only seeing eachother once a month. We just have to hang in there with our situations and hope for the best.

Thank you for your kind words I certainly hope my situation and yours turns out for the best~

[candy_demon21]

Hi! So you will be able to see each other every weekend? I was surprised to read that, because I didn't even think of it as a LDR since most of my friends who are CD with each other actually only get to see each other every weekend, since the faculty and other hobbies take a lot of time...

But well, answering your questions: I see movies when I feel bad because I tend to be inspired by them (''Like crazy'' would be an example). I also see a lot of documentaries. To keep myself busy I learn other languages! this year I had a german and a dutch tandem at the same time. It is so nice! Because you get to meet other people, specially foreigners and are using your time wisely by learning a new language. This has done wonders for me and gave me another perspective on the distance. The best thing is that I became friends with the 2 tandems (well I had 3, 2 german and one dutch), so being ''busy'' became also coffee time with these lovely people.

I hope you will feel better with time and find something that suits you when coping with the distance!

I don't know if it will be every weekend. I know for right now, we won't. And honestly, I don't know if it will really be every weekend. Not granted I do see him on Skype, but it's a little different when you can actually touch the person, hold them kiss them, etc. But not every weekend.

And I'll have to keep that in mind. I will hopefully be starting school myself, so I may have to look into that. Thank you for your advice

[candy_demon21]

Hang in there! My SO and I are going through the same phase. He still has four years before he gets out of college in ASU, and he's moving to Tempe, AZ in a few months which will make the plane tickets even more expensive for us. Hang in there! You can do it!

Goodness! I certainly hope things work out for you and him <3 I'm thankful that my SO is only a 50 something miles away. But thank you none the less for your kind words, They mean the world to me

[candy_demon21]

I think once he starts his classes, you will both get used to everything and it will become routine. Once the routine really sets in is when things get easier, for me anyway. And it's very likely that you will get to see him on the weekends like you said. BUT, consider the reason he is going to school there. He's really struggling with math, so make sure that you give him space to be able to focus on his work. I'm in school too, and when my SO still lived here it was definitely a distraction. So before you go visit him make sure he's keeping up with his school work and his grades are good.
Definitely surround yourself with friends and family in this difficult time. I tend to seclude myself, and it makes it harder for me to get past in the long run. Find some hobbies, make skype dates with your SO, go out with friends. Everything will be alright, just getting through the initial separation is the worst.

No worries! <3

Thankfully he doesn't have any more math with going to the community college in his home town. So now, we honestly don't know how long it will be before he is back. His parents, and he, are hopeful that it will be 3 to 6 months, if he really busts his behind. A year if he kinda slacks.
When I was in his dorm, I figured that I was a bit of a distraction. Of course, I'm always concerned with his grades, but he's a brilliant man. I certainly hope that my absence this coming duration of time will kinda push him into overdrive to finish school.

He told me while we were on Skype that this is will be better for me and for him in the long run. When I asked him, he said something about supporting me. Everyone I've ever talked to are a little shocked and say that's brilliant that he's thinking long term. We already want to move in together, and if things go well, like we hope, we will be moving as soon as he is out of college.

Again thank you so much for helping me out! It means so much to me. I can not thank you enough <3

[ushiwakafox]

Thankfully he doesn't have any more math with going to the community college in his home town. So now, we honestly don't know how long it will be before he is back. His parents, and he, are hopeful that it will be 3 to 6 months, if he really busts his behind. A year if he kinda slacks.
When I was in his dorm, I figured that I was a bit of a distraction. Of course, I'm always concerned with his grades, but he's a brilliant man. I certainly hope that my absence this coming duration of time will kinda push him into overdrive to finish school.

He told me while we were on Skype that this is will be better for me and for him in the long run. When I asked him, he said something about supporting me. Everyone I've ever talked to are a little shocked and say that's brilliant that he's thinking long term. We already want to move in together, and if things go well, like we hope, we will be moving as soon as he is out of college.

Again thank you so much for helping me out! It means so much to me. I can not thank you enough <3

See? It may be less that ideal now, but later down the road his efforts and your pain will pay off. He just wants to do what's best for the both of you and obviously intends on keeping you in his life. So try to keep that in your head when go through the rough patches It will be worth it.