new to the LDR world!

[sarah422]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two years, and he just recently moved away to start college, so he'll be mostly living there for the next four years. In addition to school breaks, he's going to try to visit about once a month over a weekend. I know I am very fortunate that he is relatively close to me, but I'm having a really hard time adjusting to this change. He's meeting many new people and doing new things, and I feel left behind and scared that we will grow apart. We video chat pretty much every day, but every time we have to hang up it feels like he's leaving all over again.
I know things will get easier eventually, but does anybody have any advice to make that happen any sooner? I just want a sign that we'll be able to work through this and that everything will be okay.
thank you and good luck to everybody!

[squeeker]

Hey! It's normal to be nervous I think. I think one thing you could do.. he's starting college.. have you considered studying too? or working? Or at least get a hobby, or something to keep you occupied because that should help keep your mind off missing him more and also help you meet new people too and have more to talk about when you can talk. And both being in the USA with only 143 miles, that shouldn't be too many timezones apart if any.. my US geography is pretty rusty.. sorry, but google maps tells me that's about 3-4 hours drive away.. which isn't bad, though I know with university it can seem further because you can't just drive up whenever, you have to wait for breaks.

I know every distance is hard and it is hard to adjust. I just got back from a 7 week visit with my SO in the UK and now am back in Canada facing our usual 4500 miles apart for just under 2 years by the looks of things. I am starting a university degree and my boyfriend is continuing his. We were long distance from the start, but that doesn't make it any easier, it just makes it different, I think.

A good thing that can help is to have a routine of when you speak. Or if schedules can vary you can use an online calendar to help track your schedules, or make a plan for the next video chat each time you have to hang up the call. Or even the next chat. College/uni students will have to study lots but he should be able to make time to talk more.. though depending how organized he is, he might get a bit jammed up around exam time. Just try and be as trusting and open with communication and loving and understanding as you can.

When relationships are meant to be, long distance is just another hurdle you will overcome. There might be hiccups and challenges along the way where you think things won't get better. But things will. And a weekend visit once a month would help things out even more. Though I don't always envy the US couples who can visit more often because their visits tend to be way shorter. Whereas although my visits with my SO are longer, we have them way less often, so the length sort of makes up for the fact that we have to wait months between visits.

I'm sure you'll get through this. If you and your SO are meant to be, you will get through this. You both have to be very committed to each other though and want to be together.

[sarah422]

thank you for both your time and your advice. I'm in school, but I still have another year of high school left, and even after that, I'll probably go to college in my state because tuition costs less for in-state students. He misses me, but he is dealing with it a lot better than I am able to, and he seems to have no doubt that we will get through this. I want that to be true more than anything in the world, but I do admit that I'm worried. And while I do trust him with other girls around, I still get paranoid at times.
He is a wonderful guy and we are both very committed, but I'll need some help. I have always relied on him for emotional support, but it seems like that will be more difficult now. We both want this to work and we are doing all that we possibly can to assure that it will.
I know things will get better because we are both so committed, but I'm having a very difficult time with this transition.

[RachelAnne]

I know it's hard, but the two of you should be fine if you're both willing to work at it. Long distance relationships require a lot more effort, so if ya'll both understand that then it should be okay . Just communicate as often as you can! It'll get better, I promise. Good luck!

[squeeker]

thank you for both your time and your advice. I'm in school, but I still have another year of high school left, and even after that, I'll probably go to college in my state because tuition costs less for in-state students. He misses me, but he is dealing with it a lot better than I am able to, and he seems to have no doubt that we will get through this. I want that to be true more than anything in the world, but I do admit that I'm worried. And while I do trust him with other girls around, I still get paranoid at times.
He is a wonderful guy and we are both very committed, but I'll need some help. I have always relied on him for emotional support, but it seems like that will be more difficult now. We both want this to work and we are doing all that we possibly can to assure that it will.
I know things will get better because we are both so committed, but I'm having a very difficult time with this transition.

You're very welcome! I think you've come to the right place then. Because this forum is a nice little place you can get advice or support at those times when your boyfriend may not be online and people will almost always understand. Though of course it is the internet and miscommunications happen sadly but most of the time people are friendly here. And even when you can't talk to your boyfriend, you might find journal or blog writing helps. Tumblr also has a nice LDR community and you can make a blog there and post/reblog things in regards to your relationship/LDRS/couples. PM me if you do get a tumblr and I'll follow you if you like (it'll all make sense if you join, but it might not be your thing, I don't know.. plus you might prefer to make a private blog somewhere).

Anyways since you're both committed, I'm sure you'll have no problem. You'll get into a routine. Be warned.. routines have a habit of changing when we least expect/want them too, and although it can be hard for some of us (me included) to accept, we have to find new routines. When you get down, write things, draw a picture, or keep busy, until you can video call again. You can do this, we are all here to help. I understand that going to college closer to home is a LOT cheaper. I would have LOVED to go to uni in the UK and be closer to my boyfriend but international tuition and living expenses are even more money! It'll be better to be long distance and get the education you need to have a great future. I believe in you and your boyfriend and your relationship and it can totally work and you'll get through it okay.