I'm more of a romantic than him. Please help

[a_lynay]

I've been posting this everywhere. I'm new to this site and would truly appreciate some assistance.

What do I do if I'm more of a romantic than my boyfriend?

I'm a contact person, meaning I like hugs and to wrestle you know? Being at a distance and still being all lovey dovey, I don't know how to express myself. This website helped me out some but, my boyfriend don't respond how I would like. Whenever I send him something in the mail, I'll get a texts about it but never has he sent me anything. I don't even send anything real serious. I sent him a letter our first year and a card a couple weeks ago. I sent him a Valentine too but I ain't get anything. And it's not that I want him to spend money on me it's just .. .. you can say you love me all you want but actions speak louder than words. Aha, he says nice words ever once in a while but I guess I want more.
I've been told that I should tell him these things but I feel if I make a suggestion and it's already something he's not doing, why would me saying anything matter? If that's not how he does things me saying something isn't going to change it.

Hopefully I didn't come off sounding unappreciative because that's not it at all. I just want more, you know? I'm not trying to rush anything, this is just not what I expected.

I hope I made some sense and that someone will be able to help me.

[mellif]

Hi there, first welcome to LFAD Second, in any relationship it's super important to communicate your needs. When you love someone, you want to be able to make them happy. You have to trust this is true for him as much as it's true for you. If you tell him directly how to make you happy (yes it'll feel weird and feel like it defeats the purpose of 'being romantic'), he will listen. He may not be romantic right away, because it may be unnatural for him. However, flirting and romancing each other becomes more natural as you learn more about each other. Bring it up now so that as your relationship matures, things will be much easier for the both of you!

[snow]

If you don't tell him that you need something he will not be able to give you what you need - so I wouldn't discard telling him what you want before you actually try it.
Not telling him, but expecting him to do things like that is causing this drama in the first place. He might just not put one and one together and doesn't realize that you want him to send you something when you send him something - I had to ask for a letter from my man too. Sometimes they are just happy with what they have and if you don't tell them that you need something else they will never know.

[miss_jaclynrae]

I think as romantic women [and I am one too] we tend to wait, hoping our SO will magically do what we have always wanted them to. The fact of the matter is though, most relationships aren't like they are in the movies. That doesn't mean then can't be though. Luckily I have an amazing man, and we talk about everything together. From the beginning we made it a point to express our wants and needs, because the more you experience relationships, the more you learn. He can't read your mind, for all he knows, he is doing exactly what you want.

I recommend approaching it in a very non threatening way. Tell him what you want without making it sound like he isn't doing enough. If he gets defensive then take a step back and re approach at an appropriate time.

I know for myself, the way I knew I had a truly amazing man in my life, was when I could express everything and we would discuss it, and I was nor am never afraid of what he might think or of how he might react. If he is a good man, and truly loves you, he will listen and you both can brainstorm ways to help you feel as if he is living up to your expectations. Just don't expect an abrupt change. We can't read one anthers minds, and I have found that being able to ask for what you want has a much better outcome than expecting and waiting for what you want.

[missingmywife]

Being pretty much the guy you described, I can tell you that we definitely can't read your minds. Telling us what you want helps us to do those romantic things for you more often, but we also feel bad about not doing them often enough to keep you happy.

Something to consider is that people have different views on what they deem romantic. My now wife always told me that I wasn't romantic because she considered my actions "thoughtful", not "romantic" even though my actions were always romantic to me. I don't know if your boyfriend's actions fall under the same category, but try looking at it from that point of view too.

[Deleted]

OP, I can associate with you! I feel this way quite frequently.

I have to agree with what others have said, and add: people have different ways of expressing emotions. Be open about your needs; they should be met!

I wish you the best of luck ^_^ -Lori

[RachelAnne]

Hi there! My boyfriends sounds a lot like yours. I'm always the one to do all the romantic mush and gush. I send him packages and letters in the mail all the time and really never get anything in return, except for a letter or two. It bothers me sometimes because I feel like I care more, but I honestly believe it's just because he's busy and does not have the time. It makes me feel a little disappointed, but I haven't expressed any of this to him because I don't want it to seem like I'm pushing him to send me something lol. ANYWAY, I would do as the others suggested and tell him what you feel

[aniay]

Being a HOPELESS romantic girl myself I tend to drop hints or outright tell my SO about what I'd like or what I dream about. I agree that the communication is the most important part.

I also don't expect him to be as romantic as me or as typical Disney Prince would be and I'm trying to see romance in things a girl would not see it in. (Like drinking Carrot juice that he hated only because I asked)

Some guys have weird way of showing us affection(My ex for example painted our bedroom) and for them it's the ultimate show of love because they never been told/learned otherwise. Up to us girls is telling them:

Honey I'd like you to hug me more, I'd like you to remember about our anniversaries, I'd like you to tell me that I look pretty, etc... Guys don't get it, guys don't get hints (Not all of them) but all of them get straight comunicates.

In the end though if you telling him what you expect won't change anything/change things a little bit you have to decide if that's what you want/doesn't want.

Good luck.

[Anonymous2]

I agree with the advice given to you thus far, but want to offer a slightly different opinion. My boyfriend and I are the exact same way; I am romantic/touchy and he is not. We've actually had several conversations about this because I love doing nice things for him and I don't expect him to do anything in return, but sometimes it can hurt your feelings if you are the only one actively showing him that you care. Distance only makes it more apparent. People like to feel important/loved/cherished by their partner.

That being said, you can talk to him about your feelings but I would not necessarily expect him to change. Some people just aren't that kind of person. It's not bad, it's just how they are. They can try to do something every once in a while for you because they know it makes you happy, but they aren't going to have an epiphany and all of the sudden start being a romantic type of guy. If it's not how he is normally, then there's a possibility that anything he does for you might come off as insincere.

You need to decide how important this part of your relationship is because it might not change. Definitely talk to him because there is always room for a compromise, but try to consider the situation from his perspective too. How would you feel if he told you it was important to him that you not show affection and that he would like it if you stopped being romantic? You might be able to do that for a little while, because you love him and want to make him happy...but do you think you could go the rest of your life like that even if it was for him?

As someone who struggles with the same situation, I wish you the best of luck!

[a_lynay]

Thank you so much!

It's hard for me to express my emotions and how I'm feeling but, I'll do my best. Thanks again

[a_lynay]

A while ago I had a discussion with him about how we keep doing the same thing. For a year, we were very predictable. He said, "Well, what do you want me to do?" So I started of with something simple, I suggested more phone calls and less 10 message long texts. That lasted one day, aha. He tried though, I give him that.

Am I being impatient? I know get impatient when I want something real bad. I do realize though that he could be perfectly happy with how we are so I don't want to seem like I'm unhappy because I'm not.

Talking with him seems to be the solution people keep suggesting. Thanks

[a_lynay]

Oh man, you are in my head! That's crazy! I was just thinking to myself, 'If it's not how he is I can't change him. We both grown and gone do whatever we want.'

I understand what you're saying. I got to thinking that maybe since he's usually been able to see his girlfriend anytime he wants that he doesn't know how to express his love from a distance. I mean, he sends lovely text every once in a while but .. to me a text is so everyday. BUT that's what he does and I never take those text for granted (I screenshot them to read for later).

I'm just truly happy to know that I'm not alone in this situation. Even though I know all relationships aren't the same, if you can do it I have faith that I can too. Thanks for sharing