A lil help, apologize in advance for the lengthy post...

[500mileluv]

Hello y'all,

I need a bit of help. My boyfriend and I are in a bit of a spell. He can get into these depression modes and flip about why we are trying to make this work so much and why we should just wait until Dec when we see each other for about a week...the other times he can sit and tell me I'm the only girl for him and that he loves me and all of this... anyways. He is in a depression right now and wont allow me to help. He just keeps saying he needs his space and he'll be better next week. Last night, I could not sleep. and I just sat and thought about how I just wanted to start over again with him. How I missed our long conversations into the night, how I really don't know him or we don't know each other like we should. We agreed earlier this semester that we should work on being friends but he does this things like above with his depression that he needs to test me and change rules all the time...so I don't know how to react...like no texting me a such and such times. but when I don't he worries...Don't expect me to write back quickly he say...sometimes it takes 3+ hours or not at all...but last week when his depression started I was about an hour short of texting him back and he said I was playing kiddy games...I really think it's just the distance...I wrote a whole post on it on my tumblr...lol BUT back to my problem after staying up all night thinking about how I wanted everything to go back the way it was I thought I would write him a letter, and copy it and send it to his email. saying things along the lines of:

how I miss talking to him
how I would like to start over building our friendship. not throwing away the memories we've already made but just building on them
learning what makes him laugh, cry, long and short term goals,
the essences of his being
how I'm willing to work if he is and I will be on skype at 9pm everyday if he wants to talk about it. just pick a day.

I want to keep it short and to the point...but I honestly don't know if this is a good idea or not...should I just want for this thing to blow over and he contacts me and then just tell him the above on the phone or skype. or should i just write the letter and wait for him to contact me. decisions of young love...

I've attached the link to my tumblr post about it if that will help understand the problem better. I really think it's just distance getting to him tho...

Spoiler:

so you're telling me...you don't have double standards but:

if I don't txt you back in a timely matter, you flip and say that I'm playing kiddy games and not woman enough. But you can not text me hour 3+ hours at a time or not at all and it's okay...OR if I text back too fast I'm needy and depending on you...like I don't have friends...

so you're telling me it's okay to be depressed but:

I can't get depressed but you can and treat me like shit but I gotta suck it up and be a woman because you think it's weak...

so you're telling me...it's okay to be myself and I need to challenge you more but:

When I speak my mind, you say it's too much and no man wants to deal with this shit all the time. but when I don't and try to do what you ask you say i'm not being woman enough for you so i'm turning you off.

so you're telling me...i should open up to you more and make you feel but:

when i try you're too depressed to do anything about it and need your space so you send back "Well...that sucks" after a 5 page txt (because you didn't want me to call) explaining my deepest feelings and a dark matter...

so you're telling me...you want me to be safe but:

when i want the same for you, and try to check up on you and try to do what i can to help...it's needy.

so you're telling me...i should ask you more questions to get to know you but:

when I did/do you change the questions, attack me with questions, say I'm asking the wrong questions, OR answer questions with questions... THEN later you attack me saying I don't want to get to know you and better the relationship.

so you're telling me....i need to fight for you and show you i love and need you but:

you say repeatedly that you don't want me to be needy...every week you change what you want me to do. put in a new rule. have me confused but don't want to answer my questions to clarify...

so you're telling me...not to compare you to other guys but:

every time we talk you have to compare me to two of your exs Ariel and Deja....

so you're telling me....i shouldn't be intimidated but:

who wouldn't with all these rules and judgement..tho you say it's just the distance...i feel that it will never change

so you're telling me...i should't have a list, do tests, or go but my petty wants but:

you tell me your petty wants, give me a test everyday and list all the time.

so you're telling me...to accept you as you are but:

when I did that you say I'm not challenging you enough and it's annoying. but when I ask for the same you tell me I need to change a lot of things because they annoy you...

so you're telling me...you understand my morals and values but:

when you get upset or depressed you say that it's because you can't relieve yourself and that we should have a "cheating in the open relationship" and just pick back up in dec or after we get out of school...do you even know how this makes me feel. do you even care...

so you're telling me...you're a real man and that you love me but:

you treat me like this....