Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Losing the Faith in US!!!

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 1
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous template Next
    #1

    Losing the Faith in US!!!

    Hey everyone,

    I have never done anything like this before. I didn't know that such a cool website even existed. I'm really glad I found it though.


    At this point in my relationship I can use any tips, suggestions, advice,etc.

    I never done the long distance before until almost a year ago when I met my boyfriend. We both just recently graduated college, he is now onto grad school and I'm working full-time at a great agency... The problem, we live 16 hours apart. I found myself having a difficult time actually seeing if this could work, the future is looking dull for us , and as time goes on I'm feeling more like I'm single than in a relationship.

    With him so busy and super, I mean super stressed out in grad school, we hardly ever have conversation about us. Its mainly us fighting over the phone or us talking about the insane stuff he's going through. For the past month I really have being feeling like its over between us almost as if the spark is dying out. However, a part of me doesn't want to let him go and he says the same about me...but an even bigger part says that I should let him just focus on grad school without me in the picture. Therefore, I wont be such a huge distraction and in return I won't feel like I'm always on the back burner and second choice.

    I'm completely torn how do you let someone go when your heart doesn't want to but yet you dont see it getting any better. I feel like we stuck in this hole, not sure how to get out. I'm getting closer and closer to my breaking point,not sure what to do.

    Any advice, my mind is going crazy trying to think of ways to fix it, cause a lot of them aren't working.
    Tags: None
    #2
    That's a tough one.

    My SO is doing his PhD at the moment (submitting in about a month, thank GOD) and I completely hear you about how stressful it is for the student, and how sometimes you don't feel like he has time for you, etc.

    How does he feel about it, does he feel like he's somehow being 'held back' by having the relationship? Is there a way you guys can set flexible times and guidelines for time?

    My SO goes out of his way to make sure we can have *some* good time. I've told him, if he needs to just focus on work and we have less time, that's okay, and let's just make sure that when we do have time, it's for us. It doesn't always work perfectly, but we make a LOT of effort to do something fun and de-stressing when we have our time.

    We've kinda put aside any big relationship questions (like closing distance, etc.) for the time being, and if I can help it, I don't pressure him about the future, or where we are, or other stuff that might come up a bit more in my relationships normally. The big thing is making sure that when he does carve out time for me (and I'm super lucky in that he's a sweetheart who carves out as much time as he possibly can) we're making it enjoyable. A break from all the stress.

    He can talk about school stuff if he wants, and sometimes he does choose to. But I'll bring up other fun topics, too.. current events that we both will have opinions on, funny links to look at together, sports, or we'll skype date and watch a couple episodes of a tv show and make popcorn or whatever.

    Basically, I try to make time with me something he'll look forward to and enjoy, and then it's also something I enjoy. We love making each other laugh, we love talking, and even when he gets suuuuper stressed, we try to remember that with our limited time, we'd rather be hanging out and enjoying each other's company than fighting.

    From my side, it's hard. Sometimes I can't completely understand his work load, and sometimes I feel like I'm "coming second" or whatever, but I know that it's temporary, and that he's doing the best he can with a crazy workload to balance.

    I'm sure it's the same for your guy with trying to balance everything. But, my guy and I have also talked about the balance, and how he deals with stuff, and what our expectations are, and how we can compromise and make things work for each other. Would your guy be open to some sort of conversation like that, brought up at a non-tense moment?

    Comment

      #3
      Thank you so much for the advice/perspective. My guy is also in a PhD program however, it's his first semester. I'm not sure how much longer I can take of the tension/stress thats being put on both of us. I figure in the end of it all the only thing I can do is try.

      Comment

        #4
        Originally posted by Caligurl@heart View Post
        Thank you so much for the advice/perspective. My guy is also in a PhD program however, it's his first semester. I'm not sure how much longer I can take of the tension/stress thats being put on both of us. I figure in the end of it all the only thing I can do is try.
        Yup, all you can do is try your best.

        If it's his first semester, it could be that he's still just learning how to balance everything. It's a really tough balance to strike. Have you guys talked about it in a non-fight way, and tried to come up with doable ways to make sure that you feel like a priority while not 'interfering' with his work?

        Comment

          #5
          If it's his first semester, it could be that he's still just learning how to balance everything. It's a really tough balance to strike. Have you guys talked about it in a non-fight way, and tried to come up with doable ways to make sure that you feel like a priority while not 'interfering' with his work?

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by silvermoonfairy3 View Post
            If it's his first semester, it could be that he's still just learning how to balance everything. It's a really tough balance to strike. Have you guys talked about it in a non-fight way, and tried to come up with doable ways to make sure that you feel like a priority while not 'interfering' with his work?
            Originally posted by alli.efeelink View Post
            If it's his first semester, it could be that he's still just learning how to balance everything. It's a really tough balance to strike. Have you guys talked about it in a non-fight way, and tried to come up with doable ways to make sure that you feel like a priority while not 'interfering' with his work?
            XD I'm not trying to be mean so I hope it doesn't come off that way but did you just copy and paste what silvermoonfairy said?

            Sorry, off topic. I don't have any advice that hasn't already been said, but I do wish you the best of luck and I'm sure everything will work out. I'm stuck in a similar rut, so I can in some way understand how you feel!

            Comment

              #7
              Have you told him how you feel? As a student I know how much the amount of work can freak you out, but maybe try to arrange a set time (however frequently is up to you both, once a day/week etc) to have some quality skype/FaceTime?

              Comment

                #8
                It's really hard to keep a long distance relationship. My situation is just the opposite. When I was doing my Master's Degree, my SO just offered me a lot of consideration and he always backed me up in my demands which made me feel so emotional. I can't forget how hard the time it was! We were so happy each time when we're staying together, and so depressed each time when we would be separated.Yet fortunately, we survived. Thank God! We are so happy now. So my advice is ,if you love him, then hold the relationship, try your best to overcome the barrier the distance brings to you, and in the last, it's worth all.

                Comment

                Previous template Next
                Working...
                X