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    #1

    Not sure what to do anymore...

    So… we've been together for 1.5yrs. The first year we were together then went LDR when I moved away. We've been through so much over the holiday break… There have been so really hurtful things said from me, in retaliation to some really hurtful things done by him… But we decided, New Year, fresh start.

    Unfortunately, it only took 4 days for him to show me another slap in the face. We agreed to no phone calls until he comes to visit this coming weekend. But New Years he wanted to call, so I was like whatever, we did. And then last night after feeling upset because I want a promise ring and he just accused me "trying to sneak an engagement ring" (wtf?), I decided I wanted to hear from him on the phone. He said OK, but he just started a computer game (we both know I texted him before he started the game) so if I was going to be up later he would call. This was at 10. So 12:30 rolls around and I get a text apologizing for taking so long, and he's sorry, but he's going to bed. No call.

    So basically, I'm not sure how to feel anymore. I'm seriously thinking we need an emotional break. We already only see each other once a month. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore…
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    #2
    What is a promise ring?
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

    Comment

      #3
      They mean a lot of different things to a lot of people. Some people see them as a promise to replace it with an engagement ring, but mostly they just mean what you want them too. We're LDR and we won't be living together again for another year and a half. Both young and poor. I'm not interested in marriage for at least 10 years. I just wanted him to publicly commit to me, to me it would mean a promise of love, faith, and a future. He knows this. Obviously, seeing as he put a video game before me, he isn't interested in these things, which would explain why I haven't gotten one.

      Comment

        #4
        Originally posted by Gnome View Post
        They mean a lot of different things to a lot of people.
        Then it seems like a dangerous thing to wish for. Especially when you seem to already disagree on what it symbolises.
        Last edited by differentcountries; January 5, 2014, 10:31 AM.
        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

        Comment

          #5
          Is this the first time this has happened? I mean, the no phone call thing.


          2016 Goal: Buy a house.
          Progress: Complete!

          2017 Goal: Pay off credit card debt
          Progress: Working on it.

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by Gnome View Post
            They mean a lot of different things to a lot of people. Some people see them as a promise to replace it with an engagement ring, but mostly they just mean what you want them too. We're LDR and we won't be living together again for another year and a half. Both young and poor. I'm not interested in marriage for at least 10 years. I just wanted him to publicly commit to me, to me it would mean a promise of love, faith, and a future. He knows this. Obviously, seeing as he put a video game before me, he isn't interested in these things, which would explain why I haven't gotten one.
            Why do you feel you need a public commitment? I mean, does he tell you he loves you? Besides these little spats are you generally happy with each other? Do you feel as if he has committed to you in every other way except this promise ring?

            I ask because it seems like you are focusing on something material to show commitment and I wonder if you're doing so because the relationship is rocky or unsure and you think this ring will restore some of that security.


            When we love, it isn't because the person's perfect, it's because we learn to see an imperfect person perfectly.

            True love does not worry about the distance between, for the heart and soul travels through one's words

            When two people are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far, and no one can ever tear them apart.

            1 universe, 9 planets, 7 continents, 194 countries, 50 states and 10 provinces...and I had the privilege to meet you.

            Comment

              #7
              Did he do any nice stuff to you in the past that you liked? Perhaps you could say you miss to feel more certain and would he help you acceive that, regardless of what method. I guess he has wishes for your relationship, too. Perhaps you can help each other out here.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

              Comment

                #8
                My knee-jerk reaction is why in the world would you want someone that promises you something and doesn't do it. He didn't even have a valid reason. Trust is very important to me, which includes trusting a person to keep his word. It seems like he doesn't care much for your needs or feelings. You need a future with someone that cares for you.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Okay dear, take it from me now is not the time to get a promise ring! It will not fix things and it could make things worse by you having higher expectations since he gave you one. You would want him to give you anything because it's what he wants to do on his own, right? Why be upset about it if he's not ready? A promise ring, an engagement ring, even a wedding ring do not symbolize commitment, it's the love and staying committed to each other that do.

                  From what you wrote, it sounds like you two need to first, focus on where you want your relationship to go individually. You said that you agreed to not talk until he came home for the weekend but have both broken that agreement. I think that you both need to do some serious talking after figuring out what you want individually. You are both young and I assume both in school. It takes a lot of time and effort to make any relationship work but especially a long distance one. I'm not a fan of the "take a break" unless it's an actual break up because it does not solve any problems. Communication, trust, and understanding is what you both need. I don't know any more about the situation than you've said but it sounds like those three things are lacking in your relationship right now.
                  Our love story:
                  Attended the same high school 2004-2007
                  Dated CD: June 2009-July 2010
                  Reconnected: August 2012
                  Began dating LD: November 2012
                  Engaged! March 2014
                  Closing the distance: December 2015

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Maybe you have a history of heated phone arguments? Is that why you promised not to call?
                    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                    Comment

                      #11
                      A promise ring does not guarantee the success of a relationship. I wouldn't put too much thought into one. Maybe he just didn't want to talk? It seems that you two need to sit down and have a real talk.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Personally, I disagree with promise rings (although I am also on the fence about an engagement ring as well). I had a promise ring when I was 15-17 given to me by the boyfriend I lost my virginity to. I think the reason that I disagree with them is because can mean so many things...
                        an engagement ring to most symbolizes that you have a betrothed. You have made the promise to spend the rest of your life with someone... because you are on your way to be married.
                        A wedding ring to most symbolizes the fact that you have now promised to spend the rest of your life with someone.
                        A promise ring... is a promise to a promise to a promise?
                        I feel like you should just take your time and see where it leads you... material object or none.

                        I think that you two are still in an adjustment period. The fact that you could physically see each other often when living close to one another for an entire year, then suddenly now that is not the case. That is rough! Sometimes I believe it is even more difficult for LDRs who were at first CD because it feels like a loss. It sounds as if the two of you need to redesign your relationship if you would like for it to continue, you need to pull up a new drawing board all together!

                        A personal bit... when I went away to college at 17 my boyfriend and I tried long distance. I ended up asking for a "break" (I don't believe in those either as someone else has mentioned) partly so that I could make out with this guy who liked me. Neither worked out at the time... 7+ years later I'm in a long distance relationship... with the guy I wanted to make out with.

                        Life is just really funny that way. We're all along for the ride, let go a little and do whatever you feel is for the best.

                        Met in July 2006
                        Dated very briefly in November 2006
                        Reconnected in July 2011
                        Something changed in August 2013
                        He visited in November 2013
                        I traveled in November 2013
                        I visit in February 2014

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Totally agree with Stormy on personally not understanding the appeal of promise rings. Like, I promise to continue being faithful to you? I promise that if things keep going the way they do, I may eventually promise something else? It just seems weird to me.

                          That said, as someone else asked, are you looking for the ring because the relationship is rocky and you're looking for some kind of reassurance of commitment from him? Why is it that you want one so badly?

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Originally posted by digitalfever View Post
                            A promise ring does not guarantee the success of a relationship. I wouldn't put too much thought into one. Maybe he just didn't want to talk? It seems that you two need to sit down and have a real talk.
                            I second that. And and I don't think it's right to push somebody to buy you one and get whiny about it if they don't.
                            It seems you feel insecure in your relationship and you think you can gain some security by getting the promise ring but unfortunately relationships don't work that way. Is there a reason for you to feel like you can't trust him to be as committed as you are?

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Stormy is right. I've been with my SO for over a year. I don't have a problem with promise rings. I think they're cute, even if I'm not sure about the meaning. But I feel as if asking for one, asking for anything material that represents your love, is you looking for a way to convince yourself that you still love this boy. And maybe you do still love him, I'm not in your head. But perhaps you don't trust your commitment to him, as well as his to you. Perhaps you're asking for one to confirm to yourself that you have feelings for him. You've obviously been through some tough times with him lately. Is it possible that you're looking for a way to remind yourself of your feelings when you think they're slipping away.

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