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    #1

    Coping ideas?

    My boyfriend lives in SoCal while I live in NorCal. He usually lives 5 minutes away from me, but decided to go to Cal Poly Pomona, which is wonderful for him and I am incredibly proud of him. He's on quarter system while I'm on semester system, so our winter breaks were a tad bit different. I have a month and a half and he had three weeks. I took off this past week of work to stay with him and I had a wonderful time, which I always do. The only issue of spending time with him is that I haven't come to terms with saying goodbye. I drove down with him and then he bought me a ticket to fly home and the whole time after I had left him at the airport, I was crying uncontrollably. Once I got home, I was incredibly happy to see my family, but as I started to try and unpack and get back to reality, I couldn't deal with myself. I feel as though this distance will never close and when I talk to my close friends about it, they just tell me that I knew what I was getting myself into and don't know what to say otherwise. I made this account today because I've never felt so lonely before and I felt like I could at least get input from people who understand what I'm going through.

    So, how do you get used to saying goodbyes and dealing with going back to reality after spending time with your LDR?
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    #2
    Your situation sounds exactly like how it was with my ex. It was not easy, that's for sure and I am not going to sugar coat it. The distance never gets any easier unfortunately. It will always suck to say goodbye. But, I always tried to be as productive as I could when he and I were apart. I would try to focus on myself and things I needed to get done. Take up a hobby, spend time with friends. Don't be afraid to cry if you need to cry. It's not an easy situation to be in and those who haven't gone through it usually aren't as understanding as people like us. I'm sorry you're struggling and that you don't feel the support. This is why we're here. I tried to get myself involved in as many things I could right away to get my mind off of it. I hope I could maybe help a little bit. If you need to talk, feel free to PM me! Welcome to LFAD!

    "Do I love you? My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches."

    Like a drum, my heart never stops beating for you.

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      #3
      Last time I said goodbye, I was crying and irritating all the happy tourists at the airport. I thought I would be rational, but emotions has their own way. While saying goodbye is never easy, I do believe there are things to be done to ease the pain. I plan to do the Open when... -letters for my boyfriend for our next visit /goodbye.

      Try to avoiding thinkinge in black and white. It is too soon to even consider "never ". Do what you can now, that will prepare for the future, too.

      Your friends will probably not understand nor will they be able to help you. Long distance is hard to grasp when you have not experienced it yourself. You can find a lot of understanding and tips on this site and in the forum I hope
      Last edited by differentcountries; January 11, 2014, 06:06 PM.
      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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        #4
        Thank you! I try to be productive when he leaves, but I feel like the first few days, I just can't do anything with myself. I'm not a generally sad person, but I feel as though I can't do anything until I get over saying goodbye and even then, I feel like I will never get over it. :/

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          #5
          The first days will be a bit bad whatever you do. Just try to keep yourself busy. That will take some of the edge of it.
          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
            The first days will be a bit bad whatever you do. Just try to keep yourself busy. That will take some of the edge of it.
            I agree with this comment.

            KBender - Stay busy with something that you enjoy, and keep finding ways to stay connected to your SO. Saying goodbye is awful, but try to dream about the time you will meet again. When I start getting really down about missing my SO, I start a detail plan of what it will be like next time. Keeping my mind on the little details makes it harder to feel sorry for myself.

            Welcome to the forum.

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              #7
              Originally posted by kbender View Post
              Thank you! I try to be productive when he leaves, but I feel like the first few days, I just can't do anything with myself. I'm not a generally sad person, but I feel as though I can't do anything until I get over saying goodbye and even then, I feel like I will never get over it. :/
              I feel you. I was like that too. I used to read texts from him and cards he wrote to me. It made me feel better. That, and journaling always helps me whenever I am feeling down. I will just write out my feelings, no filter, just write. Anything on your mind, rational or not, put it down. You can either burn the paper or just let it be or toss it out when you feel better.

              "Do I love you? My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches."

              Like a drum, my heart never stops beating for you.

              Comment

                #8
                Thanks piratemama! I start school in a few weeks, so I know that'll keep me busy, but since I have two more weeks until classes begin, I just feel like I just want to lay in bed and wait for him, although I know that is totally not what I should do. I try to do crafts and stuff, but that usually is once I've calmed down from the goodbyes. I was just wondering if the goodbyes get better, but after saying goodbye a few times to him, I feel like they don't. :/ Thanks for the advice though! This forum has already helped me feel better because I don't feel like I have to go through this alone, without anyone understanding.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Oh, I did something like writing letters and burning it in high school! It did make me feel better. My bf made it a little easier because while I was packing, he left me love notes around my room. Today, when I was unpacking some stuff, I found a letter in my dresser. It makes it easier knowing that he loves me as much as I love him, but it makes it harder because I feel as though we should be together always because of that, you know?

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                    #10
                    I don't cry at the airport. I'm usually too business-like for that, I don't want to miss my flight, etc.

                    But I take the next day off. And I cry. I cry and cry and let it all out. I give myself that one day. And then it's back to business as usual. That's how I cope.


                    When we love, it isn't because the person's perfect, it's because we learn to see an imperfect person perfectly.

                    True love does not worry about the distance between, for the heart and soul travels through one's words

                    When two people are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far, and no one can ever tear them apart.

                    1 universe, 9 planets, 7 continents, 194 countries, 50 states and 10 provinces...and I had the privilege to meet you.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      BabyGund - that seems reasonable! I know that once I get back in the groove of going to work and getting used to my life without him in town with me, I'll feel much better. I think one of the main reasons I've been sitting around doing nothing is being mentally and emotionally, I needed to and I just realized I shouldn't feel bad about that. Thank you! You helped so, so much.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Hey kbender!

                        As we are both 19 and in LDR relationships (i also used to live five minutes away from my SO) I completely understand where you're coming from I say .. ignore those people who are putting you down and telling you that you knew what you were getting yourself into! That is completely unfair and honestly I think LDR's have a stigma that people never truly understand until they find themselves in them.

                        As for saying goodbye, I cannot speak for others but for me it doesn't seem to get any easier. In fact the most recent time I said goodbye to my SO (he stayed over christmas period) it was the hardest goodbye we had as he had been around for so much longer than he usually is. In my experience the only thing that makes goodbyes a little easier is the thought of seeing them again. I'm not sure how often you see your SO but I see mine usually once a month for about two days (I know this is alot more than most people on this site and for that I am thankful ) Perhaps you should begin a countdown of when your going to see him next? Or each time your on a plane and cannot communicate with him, you should make a list of things to say to him after your flight? Maybe things that you love about him or perhaps you can both spend the time thinking where you want to be in your relationship by the next time you visit? The key to goodbye's is always looking forward! Hope this helped and I hope your relationship remains strong xxx

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                          #13
                          Thanks infinitelove13!

                          That's exactly how I felt this time around saying goodbye.. I had gotten used to seeing him every day for a month and sleeping with and waking up to him for a week. I think it's crazy how easy it is to get in the habit of something as simple yet as wonderful as just being able to give someone a good morning kiss. I haven't created a countdown yet, but I feel like that would help! Thank you so much for your advice! It really means a lot!

                          Comment

                            #14
                            I am going to University in Ontario, Canada and my husband is a teacher in Alberta Canada - so I only get to see him once a month or less. I found this app called Dreamdays - and it has helped!! Then you can countdown to all the dates that you get to see your man!

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                              #15
                              I am VERY SORRY, because I have nothing but support and simpathy to give to you. My boyfriend hasn't even moved yet (he leaves in about a month or so) and I still get crying in sadness and fear episodes, and I've also worried a lot about how am I going to cope with this. I think imagining the visits and how our lives are going to be once we close the distance gives me hope... But he hasn't left, so I don't know how valid my point is.

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