This feels right

So my SO and I have been talking for almost 8 months and I just got home on the 9th from our first visit together. I spent 9 fantastic days on cloud 9 with him and leaving him was so hard...not to mention all the crying I did and still do sometimes when I'm missing him so much...
I just started my spring semester of college and my SO does not attend college...he doesn't really like school, and hey many people feel the same way.

I tend to plan and over think everything under the sun and upon my return home I began obsessing on when I would see him again and it was making me sick trying to predict the future (a thing made even more difficult by my family that thinks he and I will end quickly).
So I decided that it would be best for my SO and I to see one another in between semesters... That means our next closest visit will be in may or June, but the next trip is his to plan as I was the one that took the first trip cross country...


Am I being crazy? Or do others think this is a good plan too?
I just want to be able to work on my education and get a good job so that when my so and I are together.

[sarahjane1992]

I saw this post and I can totally relate! I'm in my second year of community college currently. Last spring, I flew to see my SO (for the first time) a little while after I was done for the semester. This past semester, I went to see him on my fall break. It worked out really well for us! It's totally doable.

It's been close to 3 months since I've seen my SO. But I'm *finally* seeing him in 3 days!!!! In the beginning of my semester. Not perfect timing but life doesn't always allow that. Thankfully I have 3 online classes + 1 on campus. Online classes are easier to manage.

If you both can work together and figure out a schedule that works, go for it. We've done it and it's been good for us. It can be super frustrating because I want to focus and do well in my classes, but I need time with my SO too. He'll be on facetime with me when I'm studying. He's a great study buddy! I'm still trying to find a balance. Sounds like you're in the same boat too.

Good luck. I know it'll work out well for you

[kbender]

I don't think you're being crazy. I just had to say goodbye to my boyfriend because he's started school already and he goes to school 400 miles away from me. I am a total over thinker and while I was flying back home, I was sobbing and I honestly felt as though I would never see him again, although I knew I would.. I'm actually seeing him this weekend and I knew that when I was flying home. You are not being crazy; you have feelings and that is perfectly normal.

I think it's reasonable that it's his turn to come here although it may be difficult with your family's doubts. I personally believe that if you feel as though you love him, stay with him. The best way to prove to them that your love is real is to happily stick with him and continue caring for him, regardless of them not supporting you. You have this forum to help you in case you feel as though they are doubting you.

I hope I helped!

[blueorchid1]

I really appreciate your responses...I have a very long educational path ahead of me but like I said, I want him there along for the journey...and did I mention I live in Califonia and he lives in Connecticut? So as much as I would like to visit him on small breaks, it's almost impossible and my biggest fear is that he won't jump on the ball and buy his own ticket...but I can't know the future and I know that he loves me...

We are nearly 3,000 miles apart and we have a three hour time difference..
Plus he is slightly against school because his last relationship ended when his ex couldn't find the time for him anymore....so I'm worried he is going to feel like I won't make the tome for us...

I just really want him to be okay with my decision because yes, we do have our own lives apart from eachother...and we have to remember that to keep from being sad we need to keep busy...this is how I do it....

[kbender]

Do you guys fly Southwest? My SO always uses reward points so even though sometimes either of us pay, at some points we used the rewards points for the both of us. I feel as though other airlines have that as well. It may be small gesture, but money is tight and everything helps!

I'm a nursing student and my SO is an engineering major that basically has a job lined up and just needs to obtain his bachelor. Although we've talked about school, I also fear that he's going to be tired of me having such a long path until I can finally work a job in my field. As for making time, something that personally helps me is sharing a planner. It's an idea that I have come up with for my relationship because making time is an issue. Every Saturday, we're going to talk about our plans for the following week & we will try to plan Skype dates, phone calls, and let each other know what our schedules are like so we aren't upset if we don't respond to texts or anything like that. We're starting this week and I hope it helps!

Honestly, if he loves you through and through, he will accept your decision and support you regardless of his feelings and if he disagrees. And yes, it's healthy to keep busy! No one deserves to be moping around and sad because they cannot embrace their SO.

[blueorchid1]

Honestly, if he loves you through and through, he will accept your decision and support you regardless of his feelings and if he disagrees. And yes, it's healthy to keep busy! No one deserves to be moping around and sad because they cannot embrace their SO.

I hope so much that he does accept this and support me through this. Those first few days after my trip making myself sick from worry and stress over how he and i could possibly make this work were killing me. Since making this decision I feel so steady, so calm, and quite frankly I feel like our relationship may actually stand the distance. I feel so secure in this decision and I was hoping that when I told him he would see the reasoning behind it and say something like "babe, im here for you no matter what, and if this is what you want, okay. We can do this, I'm here for you and I will support you through this in any way I can."

I know, you dont have to tell me ha...its a total girl thing to expect ha...but realistically I was prepared when he was upset, and hurt because in his mind it seems as if im going back on the things I said the first day I was home. But i was very high on emotions when i got home and I dont think that it is fair to hold the things aside from "I love you so much and ill miss you terribly" against me. So im giving him his time, if he needs a few days then okay, ill give him his time because I love him.
I have a feeling he will come around, i just hope that it is sooner than later.....
because
And to answer your question kbender, my SO has never been on an airplane before, but I have a SkyMiles account with Delta Airlines. It is very convenient because I can rack up my miles and stuff on smaller trips to see family and then for the big trip across the country to see my SO I can spend those miles and save on that flight!

With this new plan he and I may only be together for 2-3 times per year...But as far as I have read on this forum many couples in an LDR may not even get to see each other that often...
I am in this and I love him very much...I know that this will be so hard, very very hard...but even after just nine short days, I believe in us. and I believe that as long we both try we will be okay.

[RachelAnne]

You're totally not crazy! That's a good plan My SO lives in Connecticut also, and we can only see each other at the end of each semester. We're both in college. We plan visits when we can and that's really all you can do Keep your chin up!

[blueorchid1]

You're totally not crazy! That's a good plan My SO lives in Connecticut also, and we can only see each other at the end of each semester. We're both in college. We plan visits when we can and that's really all you can do Keep your chin up!

I am realizing that this is really the only plan that can work for me because mid semester visits would make me really emotional and then i would be in a tough spot academically. The only small problem with this is that my SO does not attend college...we spoke this morning and he says that he is worried that I will place him on a back-burner while attending my classes...I know ill need time to study and what not, but how do i help him see that I am trying to do what is best for the two of us and not just myself?

This morning he also told me that he feels like I am tearing down his hope because I told him that our original plans of meeting every two-three months couldnt work for me academically or financially...
I know this is just a rough spot, but it also feels lie the time in our relationship where we both have to evaluate what we want from life and our relationship together...

It's very difficult for me, but i know that if he decides he cant handle my pursuit of education there isnt much I can do because I am doing this to better myself for my future :/

[Tooki]

I am realizing that this is really the only plan that can work for me because mid semester visits would make me really emotional and then i would be in a tough spot academically. The only small problem with this is that my SO does not attend college...we spoke this morning and he says that he is worried that I will place him on a back-burner while attending my classes...I know ill need time to study and what not, but how do i help him see that I am trying to do what is best for the two of us and not just myself?

This morning he also told me that he feels like I am tearing down his hope because I told him that our original plans of meeting every two-three months couldnt work for me academically or financially...
I know this is just a rough spot, but it also feels lie the time in our relationship where we both have to evaluate what we want from life and our relationship together...

It's very difficult for me, but i know that if he decides he cant handle my pursuit of education there isnt much I can do because I am doing this to better myself for my future :/

Just try to keep in contact with your SO throughout the day, whether it's an IM, phone call or even a text. You will ultimately need to put your studies over your SO at times but it's the same with all situations. Once you get into the groove of uni life, your relationship should fall into place with it.

[RachelAnne]

You definitely need to focus on going to school and building a future for yourself. I feel like that should always be a priority, even before your relationship. You need to build a life for yourself before you can start one with another person. Going to school is the most important thing for you to do right now and your SO just needs to come to terms with it and understand. I'm glad you're standing your ground and not throwing it all away just to be with him. Just reassure him that you will not be putting him on the back burner by going to class...that you just need that time to learn and do things for you, and you'll speak with him as often as you can. I'm sure it's going to be something the two of you will learn to get used to, but it can be done. He just needs to understand that while he's not in school, you are-- and that you have important things to do also But the two of you will talk as often as ya'll can and find a way to make it work Keep thinking positively!

[blueorchid1]

Thank you so much for your advice RachelAnne
i have only been home from my first visit with my SO for a week as of today, so im trying my best to just let him take his time in accepting this new plan and embracing it. Plus, if this works out it will only be 4 months at the most that we will be apart, and i keep trying to remind him that 4 months will pass quickly and then before he knows it ill be finishing my time at my community college!
its all very up in the air...or it feels that way :/ but i explained the situation to his mother (whom i am close with) and she believes this plan suits us best too...so hope fully with some advice from his mom too, he will find that this is all going to be so worth it

[RachelAnne]

No problem Just don't let yourself begin to think negative thoughts. Stay positive and keep an open mind. Talk as often as ya'll can, and when things get difficult, just keeping reminding yourself that you're always one day closer to seeing him again. The months will fly by you'll be kept busy with school. If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me Best of luck to you!

[blueorchid1]

No problem Just don't let yourself begin to think negative thoughts. Stay positive and keep an open mind. Talk as often as ya'll can, and when things get difficult, just keeping reminding yourself that you're always one day closer to seeing him again. The months will fly by you'll be kept busy with school. If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me Best of luck to you!

Thank you so much for your advice and your support. I am very glad I found these forums because it helps me so much when I'm feeling sad or like I need to vent.

I'm not alone in this joureny, because I have my SO and I have the individuals here that are willing to speak out and show their support!