Relationship stuck

[SailorHeeheeMoon]

Hi I'm new. I'm so glad I found this site looking for things my BF, Chris, and I could do together. I'm excited to talk to people who actually understand first hand about everything I'm going through.

Chris and I have been dating for 3 1/2 years now. We are two years apart. He's in Texas and I'm in Iowa. At first it was okay that we weren't together because the first year we were both in high school and the next two years I was finishing high school. We both planed on going to college close but he never came up and it was too expensive for me to go to college down there. I feel like our relationship is going no where now. Either he comes up soon or we have to wait three more years until I graduate college.

Also I feel like our relationship doesn't grow any when he isn't here. We see each other 3-5 months, usually about 4 months. I feel like when he comes we spend the first few days getting used to each other being together, then the next few days catching up, and by the time we start growing as a couple he or I have to leave again. Then we webcam and text all the time, but we don't grow much as a couple. On top of that it's almost like we are three different people. The person we are when we are together, the person we are when texting, and the person we are when we skype. It's hard for both of us to talk intimately with me in a dorm and he has a friend living with him. Because of this a lot of times, even when skyping, we message each other, and a lot of times that's how we argue or talk about intimate things. I know that isn't good and I try to not let it happen but with where we live it's the only way to talk.

I don't know if I can take being apart from him much longer. Any advise on when I can do? What has worked for you that could help?

[piratemama]

Welcome to the forum.

It is not easy being in a LDR. You really have to put effort into it to make it work. My SO and I have actually grown closer during our time apart, so it can be done. Try the suggestions in this list: https://www.lovingfromadistance.com/...uplestodo.html. My SO and I have done lots of these, and we have had lots of fun. Often we just talk via Skype, but we try to do some kind of activity a lot, too. It's amazing how creative you can be when you have no other choice. It helps to talk about different subjects, too. Ask questions to get him talking. If he mentions something he saw or heard, ask what he thought about it. The more you can do via Skype and the more you can share about yourselves, the closer you will grow.

Once you've been on the forum a while, you will read many threads that will help and give you ideas. You can search some of the old threads for ideas, too.

Good luck. Remember, it can work!

[SailorHeeheeMoon]

Thanks I think that is the problem. We stopped doing things together on skype. I will defiantly put that list to use right away.

[rachel.guffey]

Welcome! The way you're feeling right now is totally normal; I went through it a little over a year ago. We were both in college, I was pursuing a degree that I wasn't interested in what-so-ever therefore I was basically failing, and I was watching all of my former classmates from high school get engaged, married, and pregnant. There I was not enjoying school or my job, and waiting around on a boy that I knew I wanted to be with but our relationship felt like it was going nowhere. I wanted what everyone else was getting, my entire life felt stuck.

Finally I just broke down to both him and my parents about it. My dad was concerned about why I was doing so horribly in school and I cried and told him I hated what I was taking and I felt like my life was going nowhere. He basically told me not to base my life on what everyone else was doing and do what worked for me. So I changed my major - for the second time - and now I LOVE school. I told the boyfriend how miserable I was watching everyone else move on with their relationships while ours seemed to just remain stagnant. We talked through it and he made me realize that what we're doing is right. We're waiting until I am out of school and with a "real" job before we get married (he is becoming an airline pilot so it will be a long time before he's finished). We're being smart about the choices we make, and having a degree before marriage has become so important to me now. I look around at all of the 18/19/20 year olds that I was in school with and see them in failing marriages, constantly griping on Facebook about how their baby-daddy doesn't pay child support, or complaining about their minimum-wage job when they're not doing anything to further their education in order to get a better job some day. So far, my life is looking up, and I'm okay with the fact that we're not as "advanced" in our relationship as some may be. I would rather be in a 10-year-dating relationship than a two-year-marriage that is ending in divorce.

What I'm trying to say is that even though you may feel like your relationship is going nowhere at the moment, it's probably because you need to look around and see what you're doing right rather than the things you're not doing at all. I hope this has all made sense because I feel like I've just been rambling on haha. Talk to him about how you're feeling. He may be able to shed a new light on the situation and help you see it in a different way.

[SailorHeeheeMoon]

It does makes sense. Thank you. It has helped. I've talked to him and things are getting better.