I don't know what I expect from this ..

[infinitelove13]

Well honest I really don't know what I expect from this .. I just need help right now ...

Me and my now ex had been together for nearly six years. We met in school and have been together ever since,(CD). About five months ago he moved two hours away to university and we had real struggles as I didn't trust him with his flat mates, in which I posted on here and was told that I either needed to truly trust him or end it. So we had a long conversation and we talked a lot of things out and I promised I would trust him fully and that is all he wanted. We seemed to be getting along fine, he visited me and i visited him and just two weeks ago he came home for the week and we spent the whole week together. I truly believed that he loved me and the way he looked at me was the same way he had looked at me two years ago ... We talked about our future all the time .. We had even planned what we were gonna call our children and he told me he had Imagined how he was going to propose. We were putting money aside so that when he moved back after uni we would he able to move in together. Aside from arguments that I assume all long distance relationships have, I thought we were doing just fine and I had booked a ticket to visit him this weekend. We booked a hotel so we were truly alone (which has now hit me as a sign) and I was excited to go. And then he we had a big argument about a girl he was talking to and snap chatting and I figured that it was going to be just a normal argument.

But he seemed a little different, he was less desperate about me not ending it and he said he just wanted me to be happy. I left for university and on the way I rang him, it turned into an argument and I said I thought we should end it .. He cried and begged me not to. We made up later in the evening after I was upset about a grade I had gotten and things were fine until the evening, then he asked if he could go out clubbing and drinking. I said yes even though I made it clear that u didn't want him to after the argument we had just been through. But he didn't take the hint and was saying he as going and blah blah. Then I said I didn't actually want him to go .. He got a bit weird about it but said he'd stay in.

After a bit of thought about advice I had received on here I didn't want to seem controlling and I told him to go if he wanted to go. So he did. He usually texts me whenever he makes it home so that I know nothing has happened to him and I just happened to wake up earlier hen usual and checked my phone for the usual text .. But I hadn't got one, when I checked my phone I realised that I had a Facebook notification. So I clicked on curious because it was so early. This is when I wish I could go back...

It was a private message from one of his flat mates telling me that she's been having a thing with him since near the start of uni and it was about time I found out. She told me some details that made me sick to my stomachs and said they had ended it about a week ago because he said he didn't want to cheat anymore. She also told me that as she was writing this he was sleeping with another girl in the room next to her.

I was in total shock...
At the very beginning of our relationship I had found out he had kissed another girl but I let it go, noting that we were only young and he was really sorry for it ... But I never, ever thought he would have he guts to sleep with someone else .. Let alone three girls that this one girl knew of.. Of course I confronted him about it and for a split second he was going to deny it but he decided against it and confessed. I said it was over and all he said was I'm sorry.

I could not believe that after six years that was all he had to say to me ... He had been cheating for five months and although I suspected a kiss with a girl who just so happened to not be sleeping with him .. I would never have guessed this ..

I haven't really spoken to him since, I asked him if I deserved answers and he told me of course I did but then didn't reply .. I also know his facebook password and although I knew I shouldn't I went online and saw in his private messages that he was messaging the girl he had slept with that morning .. He said that his day was long but good when she asked .. And we had broken up ..

So right now I have no idea what I am supposed to so. I slept for two hours before I woke up and all I can do is think of his hands on another girls body .. And then on mine .. And it honestly makes me sick to my stomach .. So sick that I cannot eat anything and I was sick this morning ..

I really didn't see it coming and it hurts even more that he appears to be fine .. After six years there is no remorse? I meant nothing? I'm torn between begging him for answers and asking if he ever truly loved me or just letting it to because I don't want to seem like he is ripping me apart .. I could have loved him forever although that sounds so cliche and ridiculous..

Sorry about the long post but I am completely lost and ripped to pieces ..
Has anybody else experienced anything similar? How do you get past what he did?

I'm also mad with myself as I feel as though if I could turn back time I would completely ignore what I have been told and carry on knowing ... And that is what makes me feel so pathetic .. But a part of me really believes that I meant something to him .. Why is he not showing it?

Please please reply, any help would be brilliant right now ...

[emsimes]

First of all, I just want to say that I'm so, so sorry for what you're going through. After 5 years together, I can't even imagine what you're feeling right now.
With that being said, I honestly think you're so much better off without him. I have kept up with your recent posts, and from what I've read, he just seems like a sleazy guy, to be honest. The fact that he's slept with multiple girls just confirms that, IMO. I can't even pretend to understand how he is not acting the least bit remorseful, either.
You do not deserve this at all, hon. As tough as this is, I hope you take care of yourself. Take some time to do things for yourself that make you happy.
Eventually, you will find a real man who loves you for who you are and treats you with respect. Hang in there

[infinitelove13]

Thank you .. He really was lovely for the most part of the time .. He just changed when he moved away ..
It just seems like the end of the world, you know what I mean?

[Ahava]

I'm so sorry you have to be going through this
I can't imagine how bad and broken you must be feeling.

Like Emsimes said, take care of yourself!

It is okay to cry and be angry at him, do what ever makes you feel better.
The healing process is something you will have to work on day by day.
One day it won't hurt so bad.

I think (in the long run) you might not want to hear/won't benefit of hearing the details of stuff he has done, so maybe stay out of his Fb account and don't ask him.

Hugs!

[BlueCat]

I am so sorry to hear this. I can imagine it's a heartbreaking situation for you, to me it sounds like he's been quite emotionally disconnected for some time if he was fine sleeping with other girls.

As for what you're supposed to do, you have to take the pain, and turn it into success. Use the fuel from it to drive other parts of your life, otherwise, you'll go absolutely insane with the whys, hows and what ifs. Of course you need to grieve, but don't let it consume you.

*hugs* Hang in there.

[abna1]

First of all, I just want to say that I'm so, so sorry for what you're going through. After 5 years together, I can't even imagine what you're feeling right now.
With that being said, I honestly think you're so much better off without him. I have kept up with your recent posts, and from what I've read, he just seems like a sleazy guy, to be honest. The fact that he's slept with multiple girls just confirms that, IMO. I can't even pretend to understand how he is not acting the least bit remorseful, either.
You do not deserve this at all, hon. As tough as this is, I hope you take care of yourself. Take some time to do things for yourself that make you happy.
Eventually, you will find a real man who loves you for who you are and treats you with respect. Hang in there

THIS !
There's not a lot more I could add. Just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that you're going through this.
Be kind to yourself. You're not pathetic ! Just let it all out

[TaraMarie]

I would advise that you don't find out any details. It will eat you alive. The only thing that will make you feel any better is time. Time heals. Trust me. And forgiveness. I truly believe that the only way to free yourself of pain is by truly forgiving. It. Ah take a while,a nd you may never forget, but anger only eats YOU up. I learned this the hard way. I am so sorry you are going through this. It just sucks!

[piratemama]

I'm sorry for your hurt and pain. I agree with the others that you shouldn't look at FB anymore; it won't help you, but it will hurt you. As hard as it will be to hear, you must let him go and move on. You deserve better than that. Even if he came around and said how sorry he was, you would never trust him again. This obviously wasn't a one-night slip up, either. It's really dirty and low for someone to do you like this.

You mentioned "any help would be brilliant." That sounds like you might be hoping for some of us to give you advice to bring him back to you and to make him faithful. I don't think that is possible. My advice is for you to try and get out with friends and people that care about you. Do things that make you feel better. Take care of yourself and try not to dwell on what he's done. Think of what he's lost in you. He's the one that has it bad, even if he doesn't know it. Be good to yourself.

[squeeker]

Oh no! I am so sorry! I can't imagine after 5/6 years of that, that he would do something like that.. though I don't know your story but it sounds like he is/became a really messed up guy and you don't deserve that! There is no excuse for cheating..but I also think the biggest thing that will help you get over this is time.. and also don't beat yourself up over this, you did nothing wrong, he is the one in the wrong.. I think TaraMarie was right when eventually it would be healthy for you to forgive him.. but not forget and take him back because if he has cheated 3 times, there's no telling he will likely cheat again.. he will likely cheat on any future girlfriends.. maybe he will learn one day.. or maybe not. But you will have to try and forget about it.

I hope I never have to go through that pain that you have gone through, though I know my boyfriend has gone through tougher times than me, and it's unbelievable what some people have to go through, and I don't know why.. it's not fair.. but the only thing you can do is pick yourself up and keep on going. Though you will likely need time to heal your heart.. so take it easy, be good with yourself, hang out with some family, friends, watch a movie or your favourite TV show, listen to your favourite music, eat some delicious food, go for a jog or nice leisurely walk, read a good book.. take this time and be good to yourself. I can't imagine what you are going through but I know it would be so hard. Be good to yourself okay.