"Your Distance Isn't Real Distance" Issues :(

[melarie]

I don't consider it long distance because without the time crunch, you wouldn't have a problem and probably wouldn't consider it to be LD. Distance doesn't seem to be what's standing in your way. But that doesn't mean you don't face some of the pain and problems that we do, since it does seem like an ldr to you. You can still get support here.

Judgment is something you just have to deal with when you're in this sort of situation. We all have at some point. At least people acknowledge your relationship at all. I don't even see the problem with being told it's not ldr, it's not like they're trying to play down the difficulty or reality of it or anything of the sort, or telling you you have no right to complain. Yes, you're lucky in some ways, but you still have your problems. Not long distance problems, but problems nonetheless.

[Dziubka]

I don't see the need to classify it as an ldr either. You don't live a long distance from each other. Your problem is not the distance. Your problem is you being a full time student and working two jobs and bad traffic. Possibly also your families not being supportive.
It doesn't make your relationship easier or more difficult to long distance relationship, but it *is* different.

Like others said, you're free to participate on this forum and I'm sure a lot of us can relate to your struggles and you can still find advice and support.

[milaya]

People are not trying to say that your relationship isn't difficult or challenging, because you are in a situation where you can't see your partner as much as you would like and I know we all would like to give any advice you feel you need when it comes to overcoming such difficulties.
But, you don't need to be in a long distance relationship to get any advice, help or support here.
We all understand your longing and your pain, but I agree it will be hard to quality your relationship as a long distance relationship. It's a relationship with difficulties, due to schedules and finances.
I also believe that you, yourself, decide on whether your relationship is long distance or not, since others aren't to decide how long a distance is needed to be a long distance, but on the other hand, if 45 minutes are seen as a long distance, then... how close do you have to live to be seen as close distance?
I think the whole issue lies there. I don't really know many couples who lives so close to each other and that's even in a small country like mine. Most of my friends requires at least 20-50 minutes of transport to see their partner, but never heard them consider themselves in a long distance relationship.

I don't think you need to be separated by 1000+ miles to be in a long distance relationship - but, 45 minutes are just too short for me. I mean, you could meet up, see a movie and go home again on the same day. My mother lives 4 hours away and would never consider to go visit her and go home on the same day - it's possible, but I would spend 8 hours on the road and only get 2-3 hours together. If my mother was 1 hour away, I surely would visit home more often. My friend travels 1 hour and 30 minutes to university everyday...

So again... I believe that we all acknowledge that you feel like you experience hardships in your relationship - but the thing people judge is rather the fact that it's not the distance keeping you apart - it's other aspects and that's why it's hard for some people to see it as a long distance relationship.
Since like you, many of us experience difficult scheduling issues - others also have economic issues... think many close distance couples experience this - especially students. Think many would like to show you support on this.
They can just come off a little rough, because some of us are separated by 5000 + miles.

[sarahjane1992]

I'm sorry but I do find it hard to understand why you think you're in a ldr. Your situation isn't ideal and is obviously tough on your relationship but you're not in a ldr. Until a couple of months ago I worked further away from my house then your SO is!!

Instead of trying to label the relationship concentrate on what you do have..... if there was an emergency or one of you were sick you could be there in 45-minutes be grateful for that if nothing else.

Exactly this! I'd love for my SO to be 45 minutes away, I'd even take 2 hours by car.
But mine is over 1,000 miles away and 4-5 hours by plane.
If something ever happened, it would take us time to get to each other.
I second 80anthea, concentrate on the fact that he is close enough. I know it's not perfect but at least you don't have to buy plane tickets. Those are outrageous!!
Hope you stick around though. Best of luck.

[kimmidyann]

This thread can be closed. I may not be around much anymore. Thanks.