In Transition

[nottheprincesspeach]

Very easy, I used logic and common sense, combined with my own experience in social interactions.

You met a guy online who's almost ten years younger than you, and who just started college. He feels lonely and has a hard time making friends, so he turns to this new online friendship/relationship which is easy to maintain. At first it's exciting and new he likes you and has fun interacting with you. You send him pictures of a sexual nature so he gets something thrilling out of this, too. A few weeks later, he is better integrated into college, starts meeting people, going to parties, realizing all these possibilities he has, and starts distancing himself from you. After all, he has known you for just a few weeks, doesn't feel like you are really committed to one another, and gosh darnit, he just wants to have fun and live the college life to its fullest!

Then you start flooding him with dramatic love declarations, posting passive-aggressive Facebook statuses, talking about writing a whole friggin' book about two months of online flirting, etc. The guys is overwhelmed and not quite sure how to end this, so he does what people his age usually do. He takes the easy way out and stops contacting you. You push matters further and when backed against the wall he gives you the "I'm totally willing, but circumstances are against us" speech. Basically he ends it, but you don't seem to realize that he's just letting you down easy.

Now of course you probably have a completely different perception of the whole affair, and of course I got some stuff wrong because I'm just a person on the internet who reads posts. But that's how the situation looks to me, and probably to other people on this forum. And you asked Good luck!

I echo this, and top it off with the important declaration you felt the need to tell us. He is 19 years old. Freaking 19 years old. Are you familiar with 19 year old boys? One in a million are willing to commit to anything, and most of them regret it. It probably sticks with even less. Now add the long distance nature of your relationship, it was great when it was convenient and he couldn't get any other attention. But now you are posting crazy statuses, telling him about all your other options, making manipulative declarative statements "just saying how you feel", but all of it is just really trying to manipulate what you want out of him. You are doing too much too quickly in any regard. I am a writer myself, but I keep most of it private when it is about a new relationship so that I can process my feelings in private.

You are 28 years old. You say you are mature, confident, etc. You say you have other options, nearby even. Most people in this group are not in an LDR because they don't have other options nearby (I am not saying this for certainty), but are in these relationships because their LDR isn't something they'd just trade for someone nearby.

I'd recommend letting this 19 year old be a 19 year old. And date someone who can understand and be prepared for what you need. Yes, he was there and supportive, but he is still 19 and is clearly losing interest and isn't supporting you anymore. This is just some tough love. Multiple people have told you to move on. You should do it.

[ldrxoxo]

Very easy, I used logic and common sense, combined with my own experience in social interactions.

You met a guy online who's almost ten years younger than you, and who just started college. He feels lonely and has a hard time making friends, so he turns to this new online friendship/relationship which is easy to maintain. At first it's exciting and new he likes you and has fun interacting with you. You send him pictures of a sexual nature so he gets something thrilling out of this, too. A few weeks later, he is better integrated into college, starts meeting people, going to parties, realizing all these possibilities he has, and starts distancing himself from you. After all, he has known you for just a few weeks, doesn't feel like you are really committed to one another, and gosh darnit, he just wants to have fun and live the college life to its fullest!

Then you start flooding him with dramatic love declarations, posting passive-aggressive Facebook statuses, talking about writing a whole friggin' book about two months of online flirting, etc. The guys is overwhelmed and not quite sure how to end this, so he does what people his age usually do. He takes the easy way out and stops contacting you. You push matters further and when backed against the wall he gives you the "I'm totally willing, but circumstances are against us" speech. Basically he ends it, but you don't seem to realize that he's just letting you down easy.

Now of course you probably have a completely different perception of the whole affair, and of course I got some stuff wrong because I'm just a person on the internet who reads posts. But that's how the situation looks to me, and probably to other people on this forum. And you asked Good luck!

You could have posted your thoughts another way because you sounded a bit condescending to me. Others have said similar things without such an attitude about it. I think that's what set your post off.

If he truly wasn't interested he shouldn't play games he should be straight forward with me, especially when I have told him about other guys before playing games and I didn't like that. If he wanted me to move on he would have just said, "Sorry I'm not interested."

Instead he keeps saying, "I would try to make this work with you if we were in that situation to."

He never flat out said, "Not interested." If he's not interested as how you put it, then he should say so. He knows I'm a 28-year-old woman and I'd rather have someone be forward, especially in a situation as the one we were in instead of leading me on.

Actually, I'm itching for him to say, "Not interested period" because just saying things like that he knows would give me hopes that might not be there.

For the record, he used to send me lovey dovey messages as well, it wasn't a one-sided thing as some people I feel are making it seem like.

[snow_girl]

[Moon]

You could have posted your thoughts another way because you sounded a bit condescending to me. Others have said similar things without such an attitude about it. I think that's what set your post off.

If he truly wasn't interested he shouldn't play games he should be straight forward with me, especially when I have told him about other guys before playing games and I didn't like that. If he wanted me to move on he would have just said, "Sorry I'm not interested."

Instead he keeps saying, "I would try to make this work with you if we were in that situation to."

He never flat out said, "Not interested." If he's not interested as how you put it, then he should say so. He knows I'm a 28-year-old woman and I'd rather have someone be forward, especially in a situation as the one we were in instead of leading me on.

Actually, I'm itching for him to say, "Not interested period" because just saying things like that he knows would give me hopes that might not be there.

For the record, he used to send me lovey dovey messages as well, it wasn't a one-sided thing as some people I feel are making it seem like.

He is 19 years old, he's acting just like 19 year old boys act. He's not mature enough yet for uncomfortable conversations, he's cutting you off, hoping you'll just fade away. If you date 19 year olds, this is what you'll get. You're supposed to be the adult here, so recognize it for what it is, and walk away. Stop expecting him to act older than 19, he can't. People here are trying to help you to see reason, please pay attention to what people are telling you.

[differentcountries]

Writing is a part of who I am and I write things out that's just how I deal with things when they don't work out. I always said that I would be with the man who doesn't freak out about my writings and he doesn't seem to freak out with what I write in fact he tells me things like, "You're really good at writing, etc." which is why I liked him so much because for the guys that do run away with what I write, they obviously weren't the ones for me and he still stayed before he met other people.

If they freak out then they aren't for me because a person who really likes someone wouldn't freak out with what they write and no I told him I didn't write anything bad about him in the book. He's never called my writings creepy or anything in fact said things like he loves what I write and that he hopes other people will know of my work. Those are the types of things he says about my writings.

Actually, what I mean is more along the lines of ; he is for whatever reason trying to back off and you keep trying to pull him back inn. It takes a very special connection for something like that to work, and you have not written anything that gives me a feeling you have that type of bond . I feel like I have been with my boyfriend forever in a short time, too, but I have always been careful about him possably getting overflowed. I know for sure I have scared my bf at times. Love is scary, and new people are strangers, especially for younger people with less relationship experience. You don't show enough caucion when contacting him or even discribing your relationship. If wishes to be in a relationship with you still he will be in touch.

[80anthea]

You'd also bet hope he isn't plastering the sexy photos you sent him all over the internet....

[Ahava]

You'd also bet hope he isn't plastering the sexy photos you sent him all over the internet....

I wouldn't be surprised if he'd shown a mate or two.
My friend and I went out a while a go and we had a group of 19 to 22 year old guys chatting to us. It was fun. I wanted to adopt one of them he was just so adorable, in a younger brother kind of way. They were all so young and cute, I got all these motherly feelings But it was nice to talk to them as they were still so young and innocent and idealistic for instance about future study/work ambitions etc.

[ldrxoxo]

You'd also bet hope he isn't plastering the sexy photos you sent him all over the internet....

He isn't like that. I can tell right away the ones who are like that which is why I never showed them anything and I trusted him the one that I talk to not to do that. I have this sixth or seventh sense about guys I know who would take my pictures and do such a thing - those guys that would do that never get my pictures from me. I never show my face in any of them either in case he did. He sent me his pictures also, so that would be pretty stupid of him when I could do the same to him. I don't know if he even talks about me to his friends I feel like he keeps to himself. He knows of course I've talked about him to whoever ask if I have a boyfriend I say I don't but I'm interested in someone.

[snow]

From everything I am reading I get the feeling that you don't quite understand that he is in a compeltely different place in his life than you are. A 9 year age difference at his age is probably really cool at the beginning, but when you want him to commit and be in a book you are writing about this relationship - it probably got too much for him to handle. That boy is 19. Like someone else said, he is probably not ready to commit. He is either being really respectful and doesn't want to be rude and tell you he isn't interested anymore, OR he is actually just keeping you as a backup plan.

Don't expect him to tell you that he isn't interested. See if he is.

[snow_girl]

I don't think anymore advice is necessary, her sixenth sense knows all.

[kattermole]

Buy a copy of He's Just Not That Into You. Read it. Have a revelation. Move on with your life.

He's just not that into you. If he WAS, you wouldn't be on here posting this. It hurts, I know, but the sooner you realise this and move on, the sooner you can start to be happy in life again.

Sorry if this seems harsh, but it's the truth. You can spend hours making excuses for him, being scared of a LDR, being immature etc but it all boils down to, he doesn't want it enough/at all to make the effort.

[snow]

Just because I came across it just now: