Confused

[Helena Turtles]

So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year. We originally went to the same college together and were dating for two months when school ended. Over the summer he decided to go to a different college so now we see each other every 3-4 months for a couple days. We are both very busy broke college students and it is very very hard for us to spend time with each other. Recently I have felt like our relationship is going nowhere, and I wasn't sure what to do about it. We got in a fight last night and agreed to talk today. We talked about breaking up but decided to take a week break to think about things and what we can do to fix/change our relationship that doesn't seem to be working. The problem is there aren't any clear cut problems, and before last night he didn't see anything wrong with the relationship. I'm wondering if maybe we should call it off because it's just not working and we don't belong together, or if it's worth it to put in some work to get us out of this stagnant stage.


I have two years until I graduate college so that's when we would be able to see each other, by the way. I'm also scared that I'm wasting my time with a relationship that may or may not last forever. It concerns me that we only spent 2 months together before going into a LDR, and I'm afraid that if we do make it until I graduate and move in together that I'll realize we are just two different people that have grown apart.

So any advice? Break up, work on it? Things to get us out of lag where the relationship is going nowhere?

[squeeker]

Well I think the best thing is to talk and talk as much as is feasible with both of your busy schedules. You don't have to drift apart, and can even grow closer, if you keep talking during the 2 years until you graduate and can be together. It does suck to spend 2 years without a visit, It'll be around that time between my last visit with my SO and our next one, because we also are broke university students. Though we are also introverted homebodies so we talk a lot despite the time differences, and we've been together long enough to know what we want, and had the pleasure of a few nice visits when I wasn't quite so broke.

I'm guessing that you are both adjusting to your school life and things and haven't really got a clear schedule on when you talk. Maybe you both like to go to social events or clubs or sports, etc, and it can be harder then to juggle that with talking time. Though it would be pretty essential to your relationship to schedule some.. whether it is every day or only every other day or maybe the long skype chats on the weekend and smaller chats on the weekdays, or whatever works for you two. But you both would have to make your relationship a priority. The only way to know if the relationship is worth it, if you are meant to be together for the long haul, is to talk to each other a lot, ask each other questions, do any of the "things to do" list on the homepage of this site... the best way not to grow apart is to keep in contact, keep each other a priority and keep each other updated on your lives and be interested in each other's lives, share funny videos or stories or good songs, what you are learning in your classes, people you meet, just anything you can think of.

You don't know if it's worth it until you try. If you think you might like (love?) him enough to be with him forever, don't give up!

Oh and welcome to LFAD

[differentcountries]

in a few months it will be summer. Then you will probably be able to spend a longer ammount of time together. Try to gain strenght from that. My brother-in-law and his girlfriend only saw each other 2-3 times a year, but always spent summer in the same place, even if they were students working. They are currently married with 2 children. It can be done. I am so much looking forward to a longer summer stay with SO, too.

[RachelAnne]

Hi and welcome !

From your post, it doesn't sound like you're ready to throw in the towel just yet, so I would wait and talk to him and see if there are some things ya'll can agree upon to change. Like differentcountries said, summer is right around the corner and hopefully ya'll can plan a longer visit with each other . With both of you in college, I know things are crazy busy, and schedules are harder to work around. I wouldn't dwell on it too much until you talk with him. Best of luck with everything

[Helena Turtles]

Thanks for the advice! We decided to take a week break to think about the issues within our relationship and think of solutions. One of my main ones is to talk on the phone rather than text all the time. Summer isn't really helpful to us as we live even farther apart during the summer than the school year. 24 driving rather than 5.