Will college tear us apart?

[Sarah96]

I was recently accepted to my dream school, however I'm freaking out because I feel like me making this transition is going to strain our relationship like crazy. Up until now we've had a successful, happy relationship and not many problems. Although, we are very accustomed to talking nearly all day every day, and I know I won't always have time to talk to him once I start school and my new job. I'm worried that losing a significant amount of time with each other will result in fights and just a general strain. My biggest concern is that it is going to delay us being together by possibly 6 years with the amount of time it will take me to complete the degree I need for the career I am seeking.

I have dreamed of going to this school for a long time, but I would be more than willing to go to the community college if it meant 1) I'll get to see him sooner because it will be easier to save money up to meet him 2) I'll have more time for him and won't strain our relationship as much and 3) I will possibly be able to finish faster since it is cheaper. So has anyone experienced the transition from high school to a big university while in a LDR? (Also, he's not in college, if that matters) I really don't know what to do because I'm so worried about this delaying our future together and I'm not sure what decision to make. It has cost me many sleepless nights and many hours of crying while deciding what I should do and what is best for us.

Any advice or tips would be appreciated. I'm probably putting way more pressure on myself than necessary since that is what I tend to do, but I'm so comfortable with my life right now, it's just so scary to be moving into the next part, I don't know what to do and there isn't anyone I can really talk to about this.

Thanks again!

[squeeker]

It's your dream school, I think you should go to your dream school otherwise you could easily end up regretting it. Your relationship will not deteriorate just because you go to a big university! And delaying your future is not a bad thing, you are 18, and 6 years you will be only 24, that is not that old (speaking as a 23 year old approaching 24, and who just went back to university and will have 3 or so years after this year left before she graduates and can get a job and finally hopefully close the distance). Good for you for finding what you want to do, your dream, so young, don't delay your dreams. Just make time for each other when at uni. You know you will be busy, and you are allowed to be, and make sure he knows that.. but also make sure you do your best to keep up contact with your boyfriend when you are at university. Talk to him as much as you can, or if you aren't able to talk that much, take photos and videos of you doing whatever you are doing, and text him throughout the day if you can't be online with him, to let him know you are thinking of him, and talk about your future one day. Maybe you can try and get a part time job while at university, so you can save up for visits.. you both are in the USA so visits don't have to be that expensive, though I know anything looks expensive when you are a university student. But if you love him, you can make it through. Though you are young, just coming up to your one year anniversary by the looks of things, and I can see why you'd be worried, but you should go to your dream school, and your boyfriend should encourage you to follow your dreams!! You'll figure out your schedule and way of talking but don't give up on your relationship or postpone your dreams because you are worried it won't make it. The only thing that will tear you apart is if you two stop talking or start fighting about everything and just start to hate each other or things like that, things that tear relationships apart in general. You can totally make it though, I believe in you! Stay strong!!

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

I was recently accepted to my dream school, however I'm freaking out because I feel like me making this transition is going to strain our relationship like crazy. Up until now we've had a successful, happy relationship and not many problems. Although, we are very accustomed to talking nearly all day every day, and I know I won't always have time to talk to him once I start school and my new job. I'm worried that losing a significant amount of time with each other will result in fights and just a general strain. My biggest concern is that it is going to delay us being together by possibly 6 years with the amount of time it will take me to complete the degree I need for the career I am seeking.

I have dreamed of going to this school for a long time, but I would be more than willing to go to the community college if it meant 1) I'll get to see him sooner because it will be easier to save money up to meet him 2) I'll have more time for him and won't strain our relationship as much and 3) I will possibly be able to finish faster since it is cheaper. So has anyone experienced the transition from high school to a big university while in a LDR? (Also, he's not in college, if that matters) I really don't know what to do because I'm so worried about this delaying our future together and I'm not sure what decision to make. It has cost me many sleepless nights and many hours of crying while deciding what I should do and what is best for us.

Any advice or tips would be appreciated. I'm probably putting way more pressure on myself than necessary since that is what I tend to do, but I'm so comfortable with my life right now, it's just so scary to be moving into the next part, I don't know what to do and there isn't anyone I can really talk to about this.

Thanks again!

Transitions are always scary, even good ones. When I was your age, I met the man I married (long since divorced), married him when I turned 19, and got pregnant with our first child. And he was a submarine sailor, which meant I had to leave home, go to a different state, adjust to Navy life, and cope with being pregnant, while he was out to sea. All during the Vietnam War. It was scary, but there were good times too, and I learned to be independent for the first time in my life. I had to. I had no choice.

In your case, you will be going to the school of your dreams, working toward your dream career. Don't give that up because of fear. You might regret it later. As for your LDR, you and he have been in it for almost a year, so you probably know how you each feel about things, how to communicate, and have probably committed to each other by now, or you wouldn't be in a LDR. It will take an adjustment for both of you, but I'm sure that as soon as you are able to plan your study schedule, sleep schedule, class schedule, etc., you will be able to find time for each other as much as possible. Just be understanding and patient with each other. and willing to give him extra support and reassurance if he should need it. Remember, you are in it TOGETHER. Not just you alone, or him alone. And, you are really not so far from each other, both of you being on the East Coast, so you might be able to find time to visit, like on Spring break or other holidays.

I wish you well, for a happy, successful, and loving future together.

[Sanja]

While it may take some time to adjust to changes in your life, don't give up on your dream school. You can still continue your relationship, just communicate as much as you can when the time allows you to. It will take a little while for you get settled in, but once you get your schedule figured out, I'm sure you will make things work. Good luck with everything.

[nottheprincesspeach]

I almost went to a different school than my dream school for a guy, and am glad I didn't. But am now commiting to do it for a different guy in grad school. So I can't really say, only you can know. Find a way to make it work. My dad always told me decide what matters more. That really helped for me.

[Rugger]

Do not give up your education or dream for a man. Lovers come and go, your education will never desert you. If your love is meant to be, it will be.

[TaraMarie]

Do not give up your education or dream for a man. Lovers come and go, your education will never desert you. If your love is meant to be, it will be.

Amen to that. You are young. Live! Do all the things you want. LIVE YOUR DREAM, There is plenty of time later to sacrifice. If he loves you, and you are meant to be...it will happen. In the meantime.....kick up your heels and have a blast at your dream school! Don't let anyone hold you back!

[lyonsgirl]

Go to your dream school. Chances are it's been your dream longer than this guy has been in your life.

[jana89]

Me and my SO had CDR for six months, then I had to go back home to finish university studies. It has been two years ago and we are still together, fighting the distance day after day. As others said, if you are meant to be, you will make it work. Don´t give up on your education, you could end regretting it or, even worse, blaming your SO one day for doing it because of him. Good luck

[RachelAnne]

Everyone else already said it, but let me reiterate it: Do not give up on your dream school! Especially if this is something you've been dreaming of for quite some time. I would never give up on my education and something i've worked hard towards for a boy. I promise there are ways to make it work while you're in school. Yes, it will be difficult and the time ya'll get to talk will be less, but you can still find ways to make time for him . My SO and I are both in college and our schedules are crazy, but we still find time for each other...especially on weekends. Go to the college you've always dreamt of going to, and you won't regret it.

[differentcountries]

Education first.

[Sarah96]

Thanks everyone! I love being able to hear opinions from people who have been through these things and know what is best. All your answers definitely helped me and made me realize I'm a little crazy sometimes when I start worrying about things that I shouldn't worry about yet lol

[AnaiHuntley]

College is supposed to be the best time of your life! For the first time, you will be living in a community of people your own age and interests. Never stray away from doing something that you have dreamed of because of a relationship. If its meant to be it will all work out! And besides, if your SO is really the one, they wouldnt want to hold you back from fulfilling your dreams. Your SO is supposed to encourage you support you whether that means having to suffer the distance or not.