Feeling disconnected...

[me_andthemoon]

So, my boyfriend and I are currently about 350 miles apart, but this is only for the summer, as we are on break from college. We have been apart for only a week and a half, and I am already feeling disconnected from him when we talk on the phone or Skype. I feel like I am the only one talking, and I am the only one who has anything to say. I have even began feeling like I am bothering him when I ask to talk, and that he is very uninterested when we do talk. I don't like feeling this way, and I was wondering how others in LDRs solve this issue. It scares me feeling so far from him because I don't want that to happen..

[RachelAnne]

If you're really worried about the way things are heading, just try talking to him about it. Be open and honest and tell him that you feel like he has been acting distant, but don't try to turn it into a fight. I'm sure there's an explanation..maybe he's just busy. But if it's bothering you, definitely bring it up with him Good luck!

[me_andthemoon]

I did bring it up to him, and he kind of passed it off as nothing, and said that "maybe it was at least a little his fault." I don't know.. I guess I don't like feeling like I'm the only one giving anything to it. It's kind of frustrating, feeling like you're boring someone and getting nothing in return. I don't know how to fix it :/

Thank you so much..

[RachelAnne]

I know how you feel. My SO and I went through a similar phase like this a couple weeks ago, where I felt like I was the only one putting any effort into us. It turned out he was just super busy and stressed with work, but after we had a talk about it, everything kind of evened out again. Tell him it's seriously bothering you and you would like to talk about it with him. If he cares about you and the relationship, he'll listen. Best of luck!

[nottheprincesspeach]

I found telling him how I was feeling was only part of the problem. What my SO really couldn't get was how to fix it. After I explained how I was feeling, I explained how I wanted to be feeling. I told him I really just needed validation and recognition even if he was super busy. We discussed small ways to help, like not doing other things when talking to me on the phone or texting me a sweet message on occasion.

[Bobbiejeanne]

I'm in a very similar situation to you! From past experience, I found saving skype and phone conversations for every other day actually helped. I would find myself struggling to come up with conversations to fill all the usual little pauses that CD would be totally fine, but LD felt awkward. Little things, like SnapChat and Texting really help keep that basic connection going and make me feel more involved in my SO's life.
But definitely talk to him. Don't just tell him the problem, but discuss ways you could fix it. Your SO might be struggling to find ways of alleviating the situation, or just doesn't know how to begin to work on it.

[rhabdoviridae]

If this is the first time you've been long distance in this relationship, it will be an adjustment for both of you. For him, it may be that he's never really had to communicate much over skype or the phone. It's important to discuss each person's expectations for communication and even more important that you reach a compromise where (for example) he doesn't feel pressured to adapt so quickly to a new form of communication and you don't feel ignored.

- Ask him if he's comfortable talking over skype or if he'd prefer to use the phone or texting. If he'd prefer something like texting but you'd prefer something like skype, plan to have video time together at a set time or interval each week. The more he becomes comfortable communicating over skype, the better it will be.

- Try to keep the sessions short at first instead of letting them drag out into silence. Better to end on a good note that well this got boring...That's a big reason my husband and I don't text all day - it gives us plenty to talk about that evening

- Jot down some conversation points to bring up. Ask how friends, family and coworkers are - where did they eat for Mother's Day? What movie did he and his friends see? Did they like it, etc. I try to remember to ask about him - how was his day, what are his plans this weekend, etc. I make sure to leave the questions open ended and often have to prod a little. If you ask how work was and he just says good, ask what he did, did he enjoy that or not, etc. Obviously you don't need every detail but just expressing interest in what he's doing and getting him to talk a little more might get him more comfortable/opened up.

- You might also plan on a time that isn't in the middle of everything (we talk before bed) and ask that he not be watching TV or whatever when you plan to talk.

The good news is you have many different possible solutions to the problem, you just need to find the right combination.