Just need some support

[allisonandmichael]

Okay this is my first post. My boyfriend and I meet 3 years ago when I was 15 and he was 14. We fell in love instantly as best friends and started dating six months later in January of 2012. We do everything together and communicate at least twice a day unless he's camping or I'm visiting with family. We have been together over 2.5 years and are still if not more in love than the beginning of it all. He came over to my house after school four days a week for an hour to pick up his brother at the elementary school across the street from my house. We had band class together and walked in the hallways and ate lunch together everyday. We also had the occasional weekend date for around 5 hours. So basically I saw him on average 3 hours a day. I know some people say oh it's just high school love but we have never strayed and actually care and are concerned about each other and his/her feelings and well being. I'm not just saying this but he's the only person who can truly make my depression fade and allow myself to be silly and have fun. And we tell each other everything because of the trust, honesty, and best friend feature backing our relationship. Plus I'm used to being able to run to his house because he lives five minutes from me.

However, this year he is going to be a senior at the high school and I'm off to a college I'm super excited about and it's an hour and ten minutes from home. I know we will be okay talking and texting everyday but I just felt like I needed some advice and support for the not physically seeing him part. How do I adjust to not having someone hold my hand or kiss my forehead all the tome? How do I get used to not smelling him anymore? And if we stay in touch visit at least 2 days a month and do anything willing to make it work is there a possibility we will forget why we love each other? I'm not ready to let go and neither is he. Again some say it's the dumb young love talking but we talk about our future together all the time and want nothing more than to get married and have a family after college. Little help out there?

[GuineaPunk]

If you both genuinely love each other, you will be just fine. I highly doubt you will simply forget why you love each other if all of the above is the case, there is a reason why they say "absence makes the heart grow fonder." Due to not seeing each other as regularly as you have been used to, you are just more likely to appreciate these physical things more when you actually get to experience them.

My brother and his girlfriend also met when they were very young, both of them were 14 I think. Last year my brother left for University, which separated them by quite some distance and many people thought that they would never last due to it being 'young love' but last weekend we celebrated their engagement while he was back for the holidays, so he is proof that your situation can work out. He and his girlfriend Skype as much as they can, as well as using various apps on their smartphones to keep in contact during the day. They also take it in turns to make the journey to visit each other. He says that he is so busy with his University work these days that the time just flies by anyway, not that he doesn't miss her, it's just he doesn't really have the time to dwell on it for any serious length of time which is a massively good thing.

And don't forget there are loads of people on here who know what it is like to miss all the close distance sweet stuff. Many people on here have been doing it for years, or over much greater distances, or both! There is always a wealth of help to be had. I for example haven't even clapped eyes on my fella since January, he's just been a voice on the end of a crackly phone line. Many people haven't even met their SO's yet, and some nutters () have been beating the distance for nearly a decade. We are all living proof that it is do-able, so there's no reason that you can't do it too

[TaraMarie]

Your hour and ten minutes apart is closer than my commute to work each day...one way! My SO and I are 900 miles apart, but we see each other every other weekend. You CAN make this work!

[snow_girl]

Your hour and ten minutes apart is closer than my commute to work each day...one way! My SO and I are 900 miles apart, but we see each other every other weekend. You CAN make this work!

That might be great that you can see your SO every other weekend but you are both working adults. You have no idea what their situation is. A poor broke uni student might not have the means you do.

[differentcountries]

I know we will be okay talking and texting everyday but I just felt like I needed some advice and support for the not physically seeing him part. How do I adjust to not having someone hold my hand or kiss my forehead all the tome? How do I get used to not smelling him anymore? And if we stay in touch visit at least 2 days a month and do anything willing to make it work is there a possibility we will forget why we love each other?

What helps us a lot (and what was not around for when my last relationship broke down as we were doing LD) is having contact over Skype. Just seeing him, noticing how he does his hair that day and seeing him move helps a lot. Looking into each other's eyes on Skype can feel very intimate. There are lots of ways to flirt and keep the tention going. The smelling...a lot of folks here have perfume from their loved one and smell that, or pour it on something that smells. I once sent my boyfriend a postcard where I put on my perfume on some fabric I attatched to the card - he liked that very much. Also touching, I know it is not the same but language becomes very important in Long Distance. For instance, sometimes when my boyfriend has been sick I have managed to soothe both him and myself by describing the things I would do to take care of him if I was there. And...sometimes it is not just the words that matter, but the mood too. Keep it simple, unless you have lots of time there is no point telling each other all the details about everything. But be sure to tell each other the details about each other; that you miss the other person, what you miss. Make regular visits and it can be fun to do the countdown - we did this for all our visits until this one (we are both having a hard time with the distance because we got so used to spending lots of time this summer).

There is always the possability that a couple, any couple, will forget each other and the love fade - most relationships don't last, but some do. Hopefully yours will! The wonderful thing about Long Distance is that you have someone who rarely see you (I am on a monthly visit like you, exept I can stay for a week because I work when I am with him) and they still are super exited about seeng you. It is usually very exiting to see each other again and so the relationship is kept fresh. As long as you try to remember what misunderstandings can happen due to the distance (Skype not working, messages not being sent and all the million small things that can go wrong) it can be very nice to be in touch over the distance. Lots of us are, and some here do get married and close the distance. Best of luck to you

[thehappyhope]

The way I read your post, it sounds promising, really.

One word of advice, don't go into LDR blindly. This sounds cliche, but I think preparation helps. Set ground rules and expectations, are you two to remain exclusive to each other, do you have to keep each other updated every hour/day/days, how many Skype calls per week, are you allowed to go out with a member of the opposite sex, etc. It sounds boring and rigid, even, but I think it helps if you're set on what you want before jumping into the experience, so that both of you have the same set of expectations.

It's hard work, but it's definitely possible! (Otherwise we will all not be here.) As long as you trust each other enough, believe that it's worth it, and continue to put in work in showing affection for the other as well as spare some time for each other, it can definitely work out.

Another question that might help in making your decision on whether to go LDR or not: Would you rather break up and spare yourself more future pain, with the risk of regretting it afterwards? Or are you confident enough in yourselves to at least give it a try?

Good luck and keep us updated!

[allisonandmichael]

Thank you so much yes we are setting guidelines tomorrow actually

[allisonandmichael]

Thank you for the tips I'm excited (but not extremely) to try them out! Your advice support was really helpful.

[allisonandmichael]

Thank you!

[Hollandia]

That might be great that you can see your SO every other weekend but you are both working adults. You have no idea what their situation is. A poor broke uni student might not have the means you do.

Why do we always get to this point? I swear I read a post like this every few months.

TM has a point. Some of our LDRs have a bit more to deal with than others. It is not always a bad thing to remind someone that it could be worse. Mine is international transatlantic where I have laws and hella expensive travel costs and immigration and language barriers and time differences and money problems with my company. I would love to be 1.5 hours away, but I also know there are plenty of people worse off than me. I know there are people with 10,000 miles and 12 hour time differences. I know there are people with young children they both can't leave. I know there are people with disabilities that might prevent them from ever moving or a sick parent to tend too. There are people who cannot even get a visa to visit their loved one.

My point is , they are all different. It does help me to know it could be worse, so I get really sick of everyone jumping on someone's throat when they dare to mention something along the lines of "it could be worse" because she was not rubbing her face in it, she was telling her to keep her chin up and it is quite doable. I guess my point is if she wants to point that out, then she has just as might right to do it as you do to declare she does not have a right to do it.

There are tiers of difficulties in LDR and just brushing them away with a swish of your hand because you don't feel it is fair to compare it is wrong. It is also insensitive to those that have it harder than you do. I know, I have it lucky compared to some others and I appreciate that fact and their right not to be happy about it. I know I am in the middle and it really pisses me off when people try to say our tiers are all the same. They simply are not.

You're both right in this situation. I had over an hour commute everyday for 10 years to take my kid to daycare and go to work each way. The OP might not have a car or funds for gas to go every weekend, but there is still nothing wrong with reminding her that this is a very DOABLE LDR. I admire people in Aussie land and USA that make it work, but that would have been too much for me. I have my limits. Sometimes it is good to be reminded that while there are always other's out there better off than you, there is also someone out there worse off than you. When I have trouble paying a bill and it gets me down, I remind myself that there are homeless people out there and suddenly my late bill is not quite so daunting.

OP, You are in a very doable LDR do not let it get you down or worry that you will lose your SO because of it. People have plenty of success stories. I am happy to say that regardless of my tier, I am closing the distance for good very soon. If you both love each other enough, you will make it work. I would advise if money is an issue that you find a plan of attack, such as what is cheapest way to see each other. Then try to set aside the money when you can for bus, train or gas money and try to work it into your budget. I would also not be afraid to ask him to split the costs with you since you are in college and I assume he is still with mom and dad this last year. Does he know where he wants to go to college next year? Do you have a light at the end of your tunnel?

As far as how to get used to the change, you just kinda adjust. You create ways around that pain when you can. You play games online, you watch stuff together while chatting, you join a forum together and take quizzes together. There are a ton of suggestions on the main page of this forum. It has been an adjustment each time I had to leave him, and right now he left again, to go to a new country to set up our life together. We have been together since December and my bed is cold and lonely but I keep his pillow near and smell his clothes and push through. If you two are soulmates you will come out of this even stronger. Distance is a bitch but it really can be overcome.