Trust need adivce

[redgold89]

I am not sure what to do, we got into an argument and this is by far our biggest fight. He thinks I don't trust him because I ask about his friends that are girls. I don't mean to just ask about girls, I am not worried that he is going to cheat, it is just he doesn't really talk to guys, and if he does I already know them. Now he is debating about our relationship, he ignored me yesterday and was a totally different person. He is my best friend and my other half, I am at a loss for how I can show that I trust him. He says that he wants to be with me but he doesn't know about the distance. How can I reassure him that we are okay that its just the adjustment period... What can I do to show him I trust him?

[Kapwned]

Give him some space for a bit to cool down. I think it's safe to say with everyone it's a lot harder to make up while the argument is occurring. Then personally I'd try to talk to him, make sure he is in a good mood, don't bring it up right away, ask how he's been doing, ask about his day, talk casually, and then at some point say something like "There is no way that I can verbally prove to you that I trust you. You are just going to have to trust me when I say that I really do trust you and I'm sorry if it came across as otherwise."

Then do not push him. Allow him to think about it and act and speak on his own accord. It's torturous but pushing people can push them away.

Are you absolutely sure you have no problem with him being predominantly social with girls? There's not any lingering insecurity here?

[Hollandia]

Most guys have guy friends. I find it odd that he would have mostly girl friends. I would have an issue with that. I know a lot of women that claim to have only guy friends because they "can't relate" to other women, but that is BS, they just eat up the attention from the other guys.

I have male and female friends and I do see a big red flag for people that tend to only friend members of the sex that they are attracted too.

If you are truly okay with that, then get truly okay with it. He will most likely always be this way. Figure out if that is someone you want to be married to with kids. If you can stomach the idea of his having mostly female friends for life, then you are a better person than me. I don't think you can even question him about it, this is who he is, so the big question is, is it a deal breaker for you?

[Kapwned]

Most guys have guy friends. I find it odd that he would have mostly girl friends. I would have an issue with that. I know a lot of women that claim to have only guy friends because they "can't relate" to other women, but that is BS, they just eat up the attention from the other guys.

I have male and female friends and I do see a big red flag for people that tend to only friend members of the sex that they are attracted too.

If you are truly okay with that, then get truly okay with it. He will most likely always be this way. Figure out if that is someone you want to be married to with kids. If you can stomach the idea of his having mostly female friends for life, then you are a better person than me. I don't think you can even question him about it, this is who he is, so the big question is, is it a deal breaker for you?

Yeah, when I read her post I had a hunch that maybe it does send off some red flags for her. I don't like to admit to it but for me when a guy socializes with a lot of girls I am wary of him. But they do deserve the benefit of the doubt. I've had 3 boyfriends who were predominantly social with girls and two of them cheated on me. Also, it seems like there's a possibility he is becoming overly defensive, which depending on how the OP brought up the topic to him, could be a sign that he is hiding something - feeling paranoid perhaps. He may not be cheating but he may have found a girl who strikes his interest.

But again, everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt.

[lyonsgirl]

I married a man who works with women, and his two closest friends are both women. He dated one of them in middle school, and went to several high school dances with the other one.

I'm okay with it because my closest friends, up until we closed the distance, were men. Now that we are married, we have more "couple friends" and yes, I tend to hang out with the women more. Because it's weird to me to have serious talks about sex and married life with someone of the opposite gender.

In any case, if he is getting mad at you for asking about his friends - male or female - there may be other underlying issues there that need to be resolved.

[differentcountries]

If he has mostly girl friends, you obviously have to talk to him about his girl friends in order to know his social life at all!If he has failed to introduce him to his girl friends, but not the guys, that is on him too and he should be happy you are asking and showing interest in the full spectrum of his friendships. But of course ask nicely and not like you suspect him of falling for these girls. If he is not very open about his friendships then you might try to find out what is happening with him and his friends, perhaps it would be good to meet them and see for yourself.

I have got good male straight friends that I talk to about relationships and all, they are both the kind of guys who would rather be friend with a woman than with a man. I know and care about their girlfriends too and regard them as my friends, but they are the more...bottled up, headstrong type, perhaps "the man in the relationship" if you will. So you might say that the chance of them being attracted to me, or the other girl friends they have, is rather slim, I am simply not their type. There are also straight girls who have more male friends because they truely feel more comfortable around guys in ways that has nothing to do with flirting. My husband's brother is in a gang of guys where there is just one girl, she is the type of person who likes to do hardcore hiking and rafting and everybody is like "oh she is so tough", her husband is a very gentle soul, the least masculine of the crew.

If he talks about the distance being hard, does he mean that it will be hard to plan visits?

[whatruckus]

Personally, I had always had a lot of guy friends more than girls when I was younger, because yes, I could relate to them a lot more than other girls. But, that was also because I was a huge tom boy and I grew up with two older brothers.

I had used to be best friends with a guy who only had girl friends mostly, and he actually turned out to be gay (he finally came out a few years ago, after me "knowing" because I put two and two together). Then, another guy I used to be best friends with also had only girl friends, and he came out too a few years ago. I mean, I know that probably doesn't help, but that's some of my experiences with guys who only have girls for friends. Also, they dated girls when we were growing up/in high school.

My other experience is my ex, who was friends with a lot of girls too. With him, because he was a dirt bag, he flirted with them all the time and cheated on me.

[redgold89]

He doesn't hang out with a lot of people, he is super busy with work and school, and he has guy friends also I just know them especially since his twin brother is my best friend and they share friends. I am okay with him predominantly talking to girls, I know he wouldn't cheat or hurt me. He is thinking the distance is to much for us since it has only been a week since he has left and we've gotten into more petty arguments than we ever have. How do I reassure him that we are strong enough to get through this? I know that he is my forever.