Dealing with distance after being joined at the hip

[hroland]

Hello everyone! I'm new here, so nice to meet y'all
I'm in a long-distance relationship that just got even more long-distancy.
Normally, he's about an hour and a half away from me in New Jersey. Summer was fine, as we visited each other for week-long stretches at each other's houses. But now he's transferred to a college in Detroit (I'm in NY and recently graduated) and I'm starting to feel the distance more because he's been very sparse regarding texting and communication. Communication was never his strong point, and I'm over here tearing my hair out because I'll text him and I won't get a reply until the next day or the day after....after I text him again.
I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, and we've pretty much been joined at the hip since before we started dating. I don't want to add to the stress of him adjusting to a new school, new state, new everything while he's studying to get his dream job. Is there a healthy way for me to deal with it or approach him about it without adding extra stress to his life?
Thanks so much for reading!

[Redheart14]

Hi I'm new too. Maybe suggest dedicated times where it suits you both to call, video chat or text daily? I find that helps with my LDR. Maybe you could become pen pals, it'll give you something to look forward to when you check the mail. Is he good at answering his phone? Or is it the whole communication thing he struggles with?

[Mary May & Bobby]

In my opinion the best way to address these things in indirectly. If you directly say that he's being detached then you're automatically putting pressure on him to do something different and this almost always doesn't help. We as humans do not like to feel pressure like that. So here are 3 tips.

1. Being "needy" is a MAJOR turn off for guys. I'm not saying you're being desperately needy cause it doesn't sound like you are, BUT telling him you need to be more attentive can do more harm than good. One of the sexiest things in a woman is when she is absolutely fine without any man.
2. Plant a seed for the future. Men are truly simple. Knowing a few simple facts you can easily bypass the "logical" brain in main and just go straight through his emotions. This will capture any man. This way you can plant the idea of your future together, one that includes you being together, and you being all he's wanted; one where he can't picture himself without you.
3. Make the idea of pursuing you and being with you his idea! This might sound deceiving, but it's really not. It's just how men work. Once you have torn down his wall of defenses and you're communicating with his heart, you can plant yourself there. The beauty of it all is, he'll make it his idea and his plan and will do anything possible to be with you. Whatever it takes.

Good luck. Come back and tell if this helped you!

[Harlequin]

In my opinion the best way to address these things in indirectly. If you directly say that he's being detached then you're automatically putting pressure on him to do something different and this almost always doesn't help. We as humans do not like to feel pressure like that. So here are 3 tips.

1. Being "needy" is a MAJOR turn off for guys. I'm not saying you're being desperately needy cause it doesn't sound like you are, BUT telling him you need to be more attentive can do more harm than good. One of the sexiest things in a woman is when she is absolutely fine without any man.
2. Plant a seed for the future. Men are truly simple. Knowing a few simple facts you can easily bypass the "logical" brain in main and just go straight through his emotions. This will capture any man. This way you can plant the idea of your future together, one that includes you being together, and you being all he's wanted; one where he can't picture himself without you.
3. Make the idea of pursuing you and being with you his idea! This might sound deceiving, but it's really not. It's just how men work. Once you have torn down his wall of defenses and you're communicating with his heart, you can plant yourself there. The beauty of it all is, he'll make it his idea and his plan and will do anything possible to be with you. Whatever it takes.

Good luck. Come back and tell if this helped you!

This is some of the worst advice I've ever read.

The best thing to do when something is bothering you is to talk about it directly--especially when you're long distance. Considering all you have is communication, you can't afford to play games like our comrade above me is suggesting. You're saying your s/o has issues with communication, so waiting around for him to make all these moves is not going to work, nor should you wait for him to make the moves. If he can't handle you being direct with him, then I imagine fire and wheels are very scary for him as well. However, I imagine your s/o isn't so dim and fragile, and is instead just a little inattentive.
You've been together for a year, so I really don't think you need to worry about him wanting to pursue you or finding you sexy.

Anyway, the best course of action would be to let him know how you're feeling, and suggest coming up with a schedule for you two for things like skype dates, phone calls, etc. Maybe also consider sending emails? If he's not too good with regular communication, maybe a lengthy email every so often would be better?
It's always really hard adjusting to the distance, so it's understandable to crave his companionship. It doesn't make you clingy or less independent. As is the case with any time you bring up a concern, you want to make sure you express yourself in a way that isn't accusatory; "I feel like" instead of "You are".

[p_b82]

In my opinion the best way to address these things in indirectly. If you directly say that he's being detached then you're automatically putting pressure on him to do something different and this almost always doesn't help. We as humans do not like to feel pressure like that. So here are 3 tips.

1. Being "needy" is a MAJOR turn off for guys. I'm not saying you're being desperately needy cause it doesn't sound like you are, BUT telling him you need to be more attentive can do more harm than good. One of the sexiest things in a woman is when she is absolutely fine without any man.
2. Plant a seed for the future. Men are truly simple. Knowing a few simple facts you can easily bypass the "logical" brain in main and just go straight through his emotions. This will capture any man. This way you can plant the idea of your future together, one that includes you being together, and you being all he's wanted; one where he can't picture himself without you.
3. Make the idea of pursuing you and being with you his idea! This might sound deceiving, but it's really not. It's just how men work. Once you have torn down his wall of defenses and you're communicating with his heart, you can plant yourself there. The beauty of it all is, he'll make it his idea and his plan and will do anything possible to be with you. Whatever it takes.

Good luck. Come back and tell if this helped you!

I have to agree here as well, that this advice really does not seem relevant, and as a man I find it completely hilarious!

Don't know what sort of a man you have dated before, but if some-one tried to manipulate me like this, I would just turn round and walk away. I do things because I want to, not because I need to be coerced into it.

And finally I have to say that being needy is not a turn off, it all depends on how it is handled - we all have needy moments, and it is just human nature. Even more so in LDR's with the distances involved.

To the OP,

I think the advice already given is good, try not to dwell too much on the his response times as he is settling in, a long email may well do more 'good' than a short text when he is busy, if you don;t hear back at all, then by all means text or message to say 'did you get my email?'

Hang in there, I am sure it is taking a lot of re-adjusting but hopefully you two will settle down again and work out something that works for you both in due course.

Don't overthink and fret in the meantime though